26. Knox
Knox
When I get to Ella’s apartment, I check my surroundings in the mirrors and on the street before getting out of the car. Can’t be too careful. She opens the door before I even knock and I’m taken aback by how different she looks.
She’s not dressed up, no makeup, hair pulled back, but it’s not even that. It’s the gray circles under her eyes and her slouched posture. I haven’t seen her look like this since the accident.
“Your face,” she gasps. “What happened?”
“I—”
“Actually,” she says, shaking her head. “I don’t need to know.”
“Okay,” I say, drawing out the word. She’s most definitely not the Ella I know right now. That Ella would be fawning over me, grabbing an ice pack and ibuprofen.
“Thanks for coming.” She steps back to let me in, arms wrapped around herself. “I wasn’t sure you would.”
“Of course I came, you said it was important.”
“It is.” She leads me to the living room and sits on the edge of the couch. “I need to ask you something, and I need you to answer me honestly. No deflecting. No work’s been busy.”
Knots form in my stomach. “Okay.”
“Are you seeing someone else?”
I expected the question but it still knocks the wind out of me for a second. I could lie. Lord knows I’ve gotten good at it these last few months, but I told myself no more lies. And looking at her right now, hurting and raw, I can’t make myself do it.
“Yes.”
She nods slowly, like she already knew what I was going to say, but my confirmation still hurts. Of course it does. “Okay.”
“Ella, I’m—”
“It’s fine, Knox. I’m not angry. Not really. More relieved that I’m not losing my mind. You’ve been somewhere else for months. I just didn’t know if it was grief, or stress, or someone else.”
I hang my head, feeling like a total piece of shit. “It’s complicated.”
Understatement of the century.
She lets out a humorless laugh. “I’ve heard that before.”
I pull a hand down my face. It would be so much fucking easier to tell her everything here and now, but I can’t, not yet. “I want to tell you everything, but I can’t yet. I need you to trust me.”
“That’s rich. You cheat on me then ask me to trust you in the same breath.”
I didn’t want to bring it up, but like a sign from Owen, the necklace swings out from her collar. I point to it. “Don’t act like you’re innocent. I know whose ring is hanging from your neck.”
Her hand flies to it, and she wraps her fingers around it like she can somehow hide what I’ve already seen.
“That’s not…” She stops herself, jaw tightening. “That’s different.”
“Is it, though?”
“Owen’s dead, Knox.” Her voice cracks. “It’s not the same as you fucking someone behind my back.”
“You’re right. It’s not the same.” I sit down across from her and let out a deep breath. “I’m not trying to compare our sins or make you feel bad about it. I just needed you to know that I know.”
“How long have you known?”
She’s rubbing the ring, like it’s a habit she’s done for years.
“A while. I found the texts after the accident. Actually, Sawyer found them.”
Her hand drops to her lap. “Sawyer found out. Oh, God.”
“That’s who I’ve been seeing.” There’s no point holding it back now, not with everything else already spilling out between us. “She’s the one who found your texts on his phone, going through it after the accident. She figured it out.”
Ella’s face runs through stages as she processes all of this. Her brows pull in tight, mouth parting like she wants to say something but decides to keep it in. Her fingers reach for the ring again, and I notice a flush creeping up her neck.
Finally she lets out a short laugh, shaking her head. “That’s almost funny, in the most fucked up way possible.”
This most definitely isn’t the Ella I know. I’d expected anger, maybe tears…not laughter. What alternate universe am I in?
“Kind of,” I agree.
“Does she hate me?”
It takes me a moment to answer that. I think I’m just shocked that she gives a shit about Sawyer at all.
“She doesn’t hate you.” I think of Sawyer’s face the day she told me she felt guilty for hating Ella, that it wasn’t her that her anger was directed at. “She actually feels for you. More than you’d probably guess.”
“I loved him,” she says after a pause. “I know how that sounds, given everything. But I loved your brother, and some days, I think that’s the only honest piece of me left.”
“I believe you.”
She looks up, surprised. “You do?”
“I’ve seen what it does to someone, loving a person you’re not supposed to.” My chest tightens, thinking of Sawyer. “I’m not in a position to judge you for it.”
The room goes quiet, both of us sitting with the aftermath of our lies. For the first time in months, I feel relaxed around Ella, like we’re actually able to talk instead of slinging shit disguised as honesty.
“What did you mean before?” she asks. “When you said it’s complicated with you and Sawyer…besides the obvious.”
I hesitate, weighing how much information I can give her right now versus later. “I need to talk to your father.”
Whatever she expected me to say, that clearly wasn’t it. Her brow furrows. “About what?”
“Business stuff. The partnership between him and my father. That’s all I can really say for now.”
She studies me until I feel my skin prickle, a brow raised like she can read my damn mind, and I remember all over again that she’s smarter than anyone’s given her credit for.
“Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Something involving my father.”
“Yeah.” I don’t see the point in denying it, not after everything else we’ve already admitted tonight. “Something’s very wrong, Ella. I can’t tell you everything yet, but I promise I will, when it’s safe to.”
“Is my dad in trouble?” Her voice sounds smaller, the anger in it dissipated.
The question catches me off guard, and the realization hits me that she already suspects something about her father, something she’s probably never been able to say out loud.
“I don’t know yet. That’s part of why I need to talk to him.”
She gets up and starts to pace the length of the couch. It’s freaking me out a bit, seeing her anxious this way. Finally, she turns and grabs her phone from the table.
“He’s home tonight. I’ll tell him you’re coming by to discuss the wedding. That’s the only lie I’m giving you, Knox. Whatever happens after that is all you.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t.” She looks up from her phone, chin held high. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it because if something’s actually wrong, I want to know. Whatever it is. Especially if it involves my father.”
If only she knew the half of what her father’s into. That’s not my story to tell.
As soon as Vince answers, Ella’s entire demeanor changes. Her voice gets higher, brighter, a persona she’s clearly used her entire life. I’ve known that about her since the day I met her, and for the first time I wonder how much of our time together was the real her.
We’re not that different when I think about it. She’s surviving in a world that expects her to quietly smile, be grateful and never ask for too much, the same way it expects me to be strong, carry everything, and feel nothing.
The perfect daughter with the perfect son.
Fuck that shit.
She ends the call and her voice goes back to normal. “He’s expecting you within the hour.”
“Thank you again, and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I caused you pain.”
She shrugs. “At first I felt like it was me, that I wasn’t good enough, but I know that’s not it. Love is pain, and I’d rather hurt than go through life numb.”
Her chin dips and she reaches for the ring on her finger, sliding it off.
“No,” I say. “Keep it for now. Please. I’m sorry, I know you probably want to throw it in my face but we have to be careful about this.”
Her eyes narrow but she pushes it back on. “You know I’m not marrying you now, right?”
“I know…just…let’s talk tomorrow okay? I need to go meet with your father.”
“Fine. Be careful alright. Whatever this meeting is about, I know my father, and he doesn’t like when things don’t go according to his plans.”
“I will.”
“I mean it, Knox.” Her eyes flick to the bruising on my cheek, and she wraps her arms around her chest. “I’m not an idiot. I know what goes on in my family, maybe not everything, but enough. So don’t give me another reason to worry.”
“I won’t.”
Not if I can help it.
She walks me to the door, all the warmth between us drained away, leaving only a careful distance. It’s awkward, but I feel lighter and I hope she does too.
Once I’m back in my car, I text Sawyer.
Don’t freak out, but I’m going to talk to Moretti. Ella got me a meeting with him. I think I can get him to turn on my father and maybe this whole wedding shit will be over.
She answers right away.
Sawyer: Okay…but that seems like a bad idea. What if he hurts you?
Sawyer: Also how’d it go with Ella? What did she want?
I knew Sawyer would have more questions than I have time to answer right now.
It’s a lot to text. I’ll tell you everything when I get back.
She calls me, her beautiful face lighting up my screen. Getting that look at her fills me with resolve. When I don’t answer, another text comes through.
Sawyer: I don’t like this. Just please be careful. I can’t lose you.
I stare at the words longer than I should, feeling a calm wash over me. Whatever happens tonight, I’m not doing this for revenge anymore. I’m doing it so there’s an after for both of us. So we can have a life together. Revenge is just the cherry on top.
I pull out onto the road, and head toward the one house in Ashford I never thought I’d willingly walk into.