Chapter 25 #2
Asmo, Holly, and I exit the cave and I throw my hand up to block the sun rays that now shine down in full force. Asmo grabs Holly and me and funnels us back to the cabin.
The front door flies open as we step through the translucent barrier. Luca emerges, shoulders tensed, hands fisted, chest puffed. He descends the front porch stairs in a rush, stalking toward Holly.
“What is wrong with you?” he seethes at her.
She throws her hands up. “We’re okay, Luc,” she says calmly. “Everyone’s okay. Take a breath.”
She walks past him, but he grabs her forearm, jerking her to a halt. She tries to pull from his grasp, but he won’t let go. “You’re hurting me,” she says calmly, but I can hear the strain in her voice.
Although I’ve begun to see snippets of anger from him, of disrespect and harsh tones, I’ve never seen him act this way. “What do you think you’re doing?” I yell, hurrying toward them.
He turns to me and drops her arm, which is a smart move, but then he jabs his finger in my face. “And you? How could you be so stupid?” he hisses at me.
I stop mid-stride. “Excuse me?”
Behind me, Asmo chuckles quietly.
Luca steps closer to me, a flush of red tinging his cheeks. “How dare you? You do whatever you want, waltzing around here like you own the damned place, like you can do no wrong, like you don’t have a care in the world, like we don’t have innocent people’s lives at stake.”
Every word feels like a slap.
The cabin door bangs open. Ivan runs toward us, reaching for Luca, but he shrugs him off. “Elle’s life is on the line,” Luca hisses at me.
So, I guess I know who locked me in my room.
I get in his space, my face now inches from his.
“You think I don’t know that?” I whisper.
“Do you honestly think I don’t think about her every day and wish I could take it all back?
Do you think I’ve forgotten my role in the bodies that hang in the gallows?
I’m responsible for all of this, and I’m trying to fix it. ”
I pause, gritting my teeth as I stare at him, daring him to speak back to me. The breeze stirs, and with it, the pungent smell of liquor from the male before me. My lip curls in disgust.
“I am your queen. I may not be on the throne, but I will return to it one day. You do not touch another member of my court again, you do not touch another female again, you do not point your finger at me, and you do not insult my intelligence or my virtues again. If you have a problem with me, you can speak to me respectfully. Do you understand me?” I whisper.
His face is still red, his features pulled tight. The silence between us stretches as he considers his response. And I hope he considers every option, because I will not forget this moment.
“Do. You. Understand. Me?” I repeat, my voice low.
“Yes.” His voice sounds pained, like it took every ounce of his willpower and strength to say the word. He forms a bow and when he straightens, there’s a cold smile on his face. “Your Highness,” he adds, but the title borders on a sneer.
“Fantastic,” I mutter before shoving past him.
Inside, Holly’s clothes are strewn about the couch, and I toss them into the corner.
Cally emerges from the hallway. “What's going on? Where were you? Is everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine,” I say, shoving the couch against the far wall, and setting the two armchairs in a semi-circle. “Hand me that chair,” I say, pointing to one of the dining chairs in the kitchen. Cally obliges, dragging it and placing it next to the others.
Holly and Ivan walk back inside, both of them watching me carefully. I offer them a tight smile, but they stand there in silence like scolded children. Luca enters next, his posture still rigid. He won’t meet my gaze. Asmo follows behind him.
“Sit,” I command the group. “You, too, Cally,” I add softly. “Please.”
Everyone finds their seat amidst the circle, and I perch on the wooden dining chair.
“I understand that our sudden disappearance may have caused some…upset,” I say, even though that’s not the right word.
Anger and a childish response is probably the better way to describe it, but alas.
“I apologize for not informing you of my plan. Moving forward, if I think something is in the best interest of the court or someone’s life, I will inform you instead of hiding it. ”
Luca leans forward in his seat, his shoulders hunched as he stares at the chipped hardwoods.
“I did not plan on Asmo or Holly joining me. My intention was to go alone.” Luca’s head snaps up, mouth parting with what I’m certain is a string of insults. I hold my hand up. “I’m still speaking.”
His jaw works, but he drops his burning glare back to the floor.
“I understand it was reckless,” I say. “For that, I am sorry.”
Ivan clears his throat, “Your Highness, if I may…We’re all frustrated by the situation we’ve found ourselves in. It is our duty to protect you, and we’re happy to do so, but it does make it harder if you—”
“Leave without saying a word, I know,” I say.
Ivan gives me a half-smile, and I think that means I’m forgiven. Or at least, he’s not angry with me in the way Luca is. I can take Luca’s criticism, but Ivan’s makes my chest tighten. His support has been unwavering, and the regret on my shoulders feels a little heavier every time he sighs.
“Well, where did you go?” Cally asks from beside me, the last person I expected to have any input in this conversation.
But the question returns me to some sense of normalcy.
Of course Cally wouldn’t be mad at me for going.
She’d just want to know what happened and where I went.
I want to leap from my chair and squeeze her for asking it.
But my stomach twists again as I think of the information that’s left to share.
“Panthera.” Ivan’s fingers grip the armrests, but he doesn’t say anything.
“We were able to rescue the hybrid that was set for execution. We also…” I trail off, struggling with how to share the other part of our rescue. “Have you ever heard of Squall’s End?”
Ivan stares at me blankly. “No, I don’t think I have. It doesn’t sound familiar. Why?”
“What do you know of the Lower Houses?” I ask.
His eyebrows knit together. “They encompass the remainder of the woodland creatures—squirrels, chipmunks, birds, rabbits, and other Lower hybrids. None of them have ever been considered a formal House, but they were governed by the High Court as Lower Houses. They petitioned to be removed from the High Court’s rules…
well, generations ago, and have been governing themselves ever since,” he says. “Why? What’s going on?”
“The Lower Houses are involved in something called the resistance,” I say, the word feeling difficult to form on my tongue.
A new kind of guilt twists in my gut as I think about the need for a resistance to form under my throne.
That there are injustices and inequities throughout the kingdom that I didn’t know existed—or that the Crown turned a blind eye to—me, included.
“A resistance?” Ivan asks.
I nod slowly as I think through how best to share the next part of the news. The princess you all thought was dead is actually alive. Surprise!
Across the circle, Asmo catches my gaze and offers me an encouraging nod. I fill my lungs and blurt, “Etta is alive, and she’s leading it.”
Cally gasps, Luca’s posture goes rigid, and Ivan stares at me silently before turning to Holly. “Etta is…alive?” His voice is a whisper, but it cracks nonetheless.
Holly’s features soften as she dips her head in confirmation. Ivan’s face pales, and he runs his hands through his gray hair.
“And the Fae are back,” I add lamely. It’s another huge revelation, but not as big as learning Etta is alive.
I can feel Cally’s stare boring into my profile. I twist my hands in my lap as I consider the next bit of news I have to drop. The deal I made.
The fire crackles in the stone hearth, embers popping and wood settling. The silence that descends upon us is heavy, fraught with unasked questions.
What does this mean for us? What do we do next? How is Etta still alive?
“What do you mean, a resistance?” Luca’s voice is gruff.
I recount the last several hours, Holly filling in when necessary. Asmo remains a silent observer throughout, gaze mostly locked on Luca.
Ivan leans back in his chair, a deep sigh coming from some part of him that I’m sure is bone tired. “Okay,” he says. “Okay.” He steeples his hands together as he processes the news. “Etta is alive, the Fae are back, and the Lower Houses have formed a resistance. So, now what?”
I bite the inside of my cheek. Here goes nothing.
“Etta and I made a deal,” I say cautiously. Ivan’s gaze instantly narrows. “She has agreed to help us fight the witches with Canis and Ursidae. We will have the power of the Lower Houses and the Fae to attack Marik and Cora.”
Ivan raises a single eyebrow. “And what do we have to do in return?”
“If we are successful in defeating Marik, I promised to remake the throne with her,” I say.
Holly clears her throat, looking at me expectantly. She tilts her head.
“And we have to help them rescue the prisoners that are set to be executed,” I add hurriedly.
“I’m not asking for your permission, though.
This is what’s going to happen. I would like your help with planning this.
If you do not agree, you can leave,” I say, but I feel like I might pass out.
My head feels too light and my palms are sweaty.
To my surprise, Luca doesn’t get up and walk out the door.
“Good,” I say. I place my hands on the armrests of the chair and stand, my gaze traveling over each of them. “We return tomorrow morning before first light.”
I’m getting ready for bed when the knock on the door comes.
Probably Asmo checking to see if I’m decent before he comes in to grab something.
Although we’ve been sharing the room, he always comes to bed after me and wakes long before me.
He’s made no attempt to recreate what happened between us the other night at the inn.
Sometimes, I’ll turn over and find him facing me, his hand inches away, as if he fell asleep reaching for me.
Sometimes, I stare at him until I fall back asleep, warring with myself to rest my hand on top of his.
The other night was everything I needed to hear from him. It was perfect and raw and messy and felt like it was the first step to fixing the crack in my heart. But I’m terrified. I’m so terrified.
“Come in,” I call, then shove my dirty clothes into a pile on the floor by the dresser.
The door clicks open. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”
It’s Ivan. Mother, he looks exhausted. If we make it back to the throne, I’ll find some way to make all of this up to him. He deserves it.
“Sure. What’s going on?”
He looks around the room. “Mind if we speak outside?”
“Yeah. Give me a second. Meet you out there.” I grab my coat and shove my boots on, then follow him out the front door. “Is everything okay?”
He glances at the floor, then back to me. “I—yes. I just wanted to speak about Luca earlier. He’s having a very hard time.”
I cross my arms. “We all are.” My mind is roaring with anger. Is Ivan about to try to justify Luca’s outburst? “Ivan, he locked me in my room.”
“Mother. I didn’t…I had no clue.” He sighs, a white puff of air in the freezing night. “You’re right. It’s just…” He trails off, looking past me into the forest as he searches for the words.
Ivan has a heart of gold, and I try to remember that. He’s known Luca for years, has worked beside him, has spoken with him almost every day. Although he’s technically known of me since I was a little girl, he is closer to Luca. The roaring in my head quiets.
“We all join the guard for different reasons. Mine was for your father. Luca’s was for his daughter.
She died when she was fifteen. She was rebellious and head-strong and I think you remind him of her in a lot of ways.
When she passed, he went off the deep end.
Began drinking heavily and became volatile.
He…I don’t think he ever found a good way to deal with it. ”
An ember of sympathy begins to take place, but only an ember.
While I feel sorry for him and can give him some grace, I also find myself not caring.
We’ve all experienced unimaginable tragedies in the last few months.
I watched my friend die. I watched Holly burn.
I watched Elle bleed out. I have been betrayed by the people I loved.
A snappy response here and there is fine, but yelling at people and name-calling is not tolerable.
“While I am sorry to hear that, I don’t find that an acceptable excuse for his behavior.”
His face falls, a flicker of sadness now etched on his features. “You’re right. I just—I thought maybe that might help explain what happened today.”
“It does,” I say, refraining from adding But it doesn’t matter. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”
Ivan twists his hands together. “Thanks.” He turns back toward the door and pauses.
His gaze is heavy and I fight the urge to look away.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job.
I know you’re doing everything you can to get Elle back.
Just…Talk to us, okay? No more solo missions.
If we lose you, it’s over. For everyone. ”
I stay on the porch until I can’t feel my fingers, the weight of his words, of the kingdom, hanging over me.