Chapter 61
Chapter Sixty-One
ELLE
They keep asking me where it hurts but they are only looking at my ankle.
I don’t know how to explain that I barely feel anything besides my heart.
What started as a crack down the middle has quickly broken off and started splintering, pieces fracturing and falling into the darkness.
My body reacts when they poke and prod and they take me back for an x-ray but now I’m playing the waiting game with Paul and Mabel.
They bounce back and forth from whispering to each other and trying to make me engage in conversation —but it's all fluff—and I refuse to respond to anything.
There’s a soft knock on the door to my room and the doctor who’s been taking care of me walks in.
“Well, nothing’s broken but you do have a nasty sprain.
” I start to zone out when he pulls out copies of my x-rays and goes over my recovery plan.
“If you don’t have any questions, a nurse will be in shortly to get you set up with a brace and you’ll be good to go home.
” Once I confirm I have no questions, he nods and leaves the room.
Fucking finally.
I just want to go home and go to sleep. I want Patrick but I know he’ll never want to see me again.
I’m on auto-pilot as the nurse comes in and gets me set up with my brace and goes over my discharge instructions. Mabel takes the papers for me after an awkward pause when the nurse tries to hand them to me and I just blink at her.
“Paul, why don’t you go pull the car up and I’ll help Elle change.
” Mabel asks, stuffing my paperwork into the bag that she brought stuffed full of what I’m assuming is every article of clothing that I own that could be considered comfy.
Once Paul leaves the room, she starts pulling out options but I feel too raw to try and think, instead I grab the first pair of pants—black wide leg leggings—and an oversized t-shirt from a 5K Warren Farms had sponsored years ago.
It’s old, holes scattered around the collar.
I want to refuse any help once I’ve exited my hospital room but the brace is too bulky and awkward for me to waddle my way in front of who knows how many strangers. I grit my teeth as a different nurse walks up to me with a wheelchair. Embarrassment mixes with the overwhelming sadness.
No one wants to have to push the fat girl around in a wheelchair.
No, fuck that. Anger burns in my stomach and pushes away the self-deprecating thought.
We finally make it to the car and—with Mabel’s help—I hobble into the passenger seat of my brother’s car.
“I’ll see you at home, help get you comfortable.
” Mabel presses her forehead against mine.
“You need to rest but I want you to know, everything will be okay.” I don’t believe her.
Nothing is going to be okay until I talk to Patrick and explain.
I wasn’t wrong in my complaints that we were at the hospital forever. It’s dark when Paul pulls as close as he can to the front of my house. “Don’t move.” Paul orders before jumping out of the car, coming to my side to help me out of the car and into my home.
I think Paul feels guilty, taking on what Loop did and me getting hurt as his fault.
I want to squeeze his face and tell him the only one at fault here is Loop but I’m so sad and being sad is so tiring.
“You can just drop me on the couch. I’m sure Mabel will be barging in any second and you need to get to Henry.
” Paul stays silent as we awkwardly make our way to the couch.
“The nurse said you need to elevate your foot to help reduce the swelling.” He’s already working to arrange all my throw pillows and urging me to lift my foot up.
I roll my eyes but position my foot on the pillows, acutely aware of a throbbing starting in my ankle.
“Thank you. Do you want something to eat?” My stomach does a flip at the idea. “No, I just want to sleep.” My voice is watery, sounding as weak as I feel.
I want to see Patrick. I want to bleach my lips, scrubbing them until my skin is red and there are no lingering remains of Loop anywhere on my body.
FUCK!
Paul rushes back to the couch, sitting next to me. “Hey, you’re okay. I let Lola know you’re home and she’s going to bring Patrick over.” My heart—previously racing at the thought of Loop pressed against me—stutters. “He’s coming?” My voice breaks and I have to tamp down my hope.
What if she’s bringing him over so he can break up with me? There’s no way he’s okay with what he saw. Oh fuck, I need to see him but I don’t think I’ll survive if he tries to end it without letting me explain.
I love him and he’s going to leave me because of fucking Loop.