Chapter 39 #2
"I saw Inga, okay!" Linnea screamed and slammed both of her fists into his chest. Tor didn't flinch or let her go.
"She left because of me, Tor. You could have had a whole childhood full of those lovely smiling memories, and you didn't because of what I am!
She couldn't deal with the shame of having me as her child, and it broke her.
She looked me right in the eye and said she wanted to give me closure. She should have just killed me…"
Tor pulled her into his chest, smothering the hateful words before Linnea could finish them. She started wailing in a broken cry that spilled out all the tears she hadn't been able to shed since she first knew she wasn't made right. She screamed and wept until she could barely breathe anymore.
"Ciara and Layla and Von all got to see good things, and I had to get fucking Inga," Linnea said, pulling back from her brother.
"Why did we have to get our parents? Why couldn't we have one good thing?
Even Fenris got to see his perfect, pretty wife to remind him that I'll never be able to live up to her.
I hate all of this, Tor, and I want to go home. "
Tor stroked her back and kept his arms around her.
"You have every right to be upset, Lin, so don't bite my head off when I tell you this…
" He pulled back and wiped the tears off her cheeks.
"This place, these trials, they are made to fuck with our heads.
If you think Ciara, Layla, and Von got a special piece of happiness amongst it all, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look closer.
They got to see the people they really loved and who loved them back, and were forced to say goodbye again. "
"But they still got to see kind faces and have a good moment," Linnea started to argue, but Tor shook his head and cut her off.
"It seems like a good moment, but all it's done is rip open the part of them that had healed and moved on since their deaths.
You really think Ciara would have sacrificed a special name only her mother called her because she didn't just have her heart ripped out?
Or Von with the poem he's hung onto for decades?
" her brother replied. "It hurt them just as much as Skari and Inga hurt us.
They reminded them of their deaths, of the love they will never feel again.
We got a fresh reminder of how much our parents hated us both because we had finally moved on from their cruelty.
You only assume that Fenris had a good time seeing his wife. "
"They were laughing and holding hands, Tor. I have fucking eyes and saw it all," Linnea growled.
"You may have seen that, but you never bothered to ask him why she was his unfinished business.
Everyone we saw was there to wound us in some way.
She was his pain, Linnea," Tor replied. "I was in the hall.
I saw his face while they spoke, and it wasn't a happy one.
He looked upset, and when he realized you weren't there, he went mental.
Maybe talk to him before you decide to hate him.
He paid that toll for you, and it was with a good memory, not a painful one, too.
He still cares enough about you to do that. "
Linnea was crying again. "I hate this so much, Tor. I don't want to feel this way about him. I wanted it gone."
"That's just your hurt talking, little sister. You could be hurting for no damn reason other than you let Inga's shit get in your head and made you think Fenris was going to look at you the same way." He hugged her again and kissed her forehead.
"I don't know how to do this, Tor," she whispered.
"None of us do. Ciara reminds me every day that love is something we all need to learn, no matter how messy. Before you argue, I know you love him. It's sickeningly obvious."
Linnea pinched him in the side, making him let her go with a soft laugh. "I'm serious. I don't know what to do about any of this."
"We just need to keep walking one step at a time," Tor said, putting an arm around her shoulder. He guided her towards the path that descended down a craggy mountain pass. "One more thing that's worth thinking about while you beat yourself up with all the shit Inga said."
"Yeah? What's that?" Linnea said, sniffling.
"We don't know if she's actually dead."
Linnea blinked back her tears. "What?"
"I've never been notified that Inga has died, and I would have been because I'm her firstborn," Tor pointed out.
"B-But she must be. Who was that I saw if it wasn't her?" she spluttered.
"Who knows? It could have been a trick of the trial to have the illusion of her appearing and lay out your worst fears.
How can any of us prove that what we saw was real?
Don't forget Hel made half her body rot away right in front of us.
Making a few fake shades to mess with us wouldn't be hard.
" Tor ruffled the top of her head, and she pushed him away with annoyance.
"Just something to think about, lil sis. "
"Yeah, yeah," she grumbled, pulling out her hair tie to redo her ponytail. "Let's just focus on finding Loki, okay?"
"Fine, but if you don't talk to Fenris soon, I'll make you. There's only so much broody god I can handle."
Linnea flipped him off with both middle fingers. Her big brother laughed at her and went down the rocky path first. A moment later, when he started humming Boys, Boys, Boys, Linnea gave in and began to sing along with him.