Chapter 19
In the middle of spreading out a blanket on the floor, Beckett stiffened at Hyacinth’s harsh words.
“Sterling has been worried about Jameson for months,” Hyacinth said. “And you didn’t care.”
“I did care.” Beckett pivoted to face the bed.
Hyacinth had rolled over to face him and was only partially covered, the sheet haphazardly drawn over her body so that one of her legs showed—bare to her knee, where her nightgown had crept up.
Her arm was tangled in the sheet too, revealing smooth skin all the way from her wrist to her shoulder, where the thin strap of the nightgown dangled low.
In spite of her accusation, his body reacted as it always did to her beauty, and heat speared him low.
When he’d walked in a short while ago, the need for her had already been burning through him. Probably from the kiss at dinner. Probably also from the kiss earlier in the day at Dickinson’s office. Shoot, he’d felt the need with each one of the few kisses they’d shared.
But this time, the need had gone deep, straight into his chest, all the way into his heart. The need wasn’t just physical—although that was strong too. Nope. It was something much stronger, much weightier, much more powerful.
He’d never felt it before for any woman.
All through dessert and the rest of the evening, that need for Hyacinth hadn’t diminished.
If anything, it had only gotten stronger, so that when he’d stepped into the room, his feet had taken him straight to the bed and to her.
He’d wanted to bend down and gather her in his arms. He’d told himself he would just hold her and wouldn’t push her for anything beyond that.
But as he’d let himself take her in, the reality of the situation had hit him all over again. He was trapped at the Double T and might be for the next five years.
The problem was that he’d already been selfish enough in marrying Hyacinth and bringing her to Texas so that he could get his inheritance. Asking her to stay married and remain in Texas would be even more selfish. All the more reason to head on back to Colorado and resume his life there.
But if he did that, what would happen to the ranch when Richard Turner came and started making changes?
Beckett wouldn’t have much of a say from Colorado.
Even if he could somehow stop Richard from trying to turn the ranch into a racetrack, how would he be able to keep the man from spending everything and eventually ruining the ranch?
To do that, Beckett would have to stay involved in the operations and would have to visit often. If he had to visit often, why not just stay here altogether, keep full control of the ranch and not have to worry about Richard at all?
The weight of the decision had been pressuring Beckett all night, and he’d been rude for most of the dinner. Hyacinth had been right to confront him about it.
Maybe she was right now to challenge him about Sterling too. But something in her tone made this confrontation feel different, almost as if she was spoiling for a fight.
“Listen, darlin’.” He tried to keep his voice level, but the fact was, his insides were turning as sour as pickle juice mixed with curdled milk. “I probably should’ve said something to Sterling—”
“Probably?” Her voice rose.
“When I ran into Jameson packing up the morning he left, all I did was tell him that, if headed this way, he could stop by the Double T and let them know I sent him.”
“That would have been enough to tell Sterling.”
“Fact is, I didn’t know if Jameson would take me up on the offer.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She sat up, her hair cascading over her shoulders, looking thick and silky and tempting him as always.
He swallowed the desire and forced himself to look out the window, which faced the west and the vast open prairie. “Didn’t know Jameson was here until tonight.”
“If you’d told Sterling, he could have inquired.”
“Jameson asked me not to say anything. Besides, if I’d said something to Sterling, then I would’ve had to explain my connection to the Double T.”
“Heaven forbid that you would have to tell Sterling the truth.” Her voice dripped with her usual sarcasm.
“I wasn’t ready to do that.”
She scoffed. “You’re never ready to do anything, are you?”
Beckett’s muscles tightened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re not ready to make hard decisions. You want the easy way out and take it whenever you can.” Her words, although low and soft, were sharp.
They pricked him hard. “You don’t know anything about the tough decisions I’m facing.”
“Maybe not. But I do know you’re too caught up in yourself to see anyone else’s needs.”
Hadn’t he just been thinking about how selfish he’d been? Even so, she didn’t know how complicated his decisions were. “I’m doing the best I can to figure things out so that I don’t have to hurt anyone.”
“I thought you offered to give me the annulment because you’re afraid to commit. But I guess it’s because you’re so noble.”
She was definitely itching for a fight tonight. “Matter of fact, I was trying to be noble. I didn’t think you’d want to stay married to a big oaf like me now that you know how complicated the will is.”
“So instead of communicating with me and putting our minds together to come up with a solution, you decide to toss me away, like an unnecessary piece of luggage weighing you down.”
Was that what he’d done? “That’s the problem. I do need you. Sargeant made sure of that. And I don’t want to use you any more than I already have.”
She fell silent.
He blew out an exasperated breath. He wasn’t expressing himself very well with her. He never did. Even now, was he pushing her away before she could tell him to go jump off a bridge? Was that what the annulment was? An act of self-defense? Or was she right that he was afraid of committing?
Whatever the case, selfish or not, the need for her pulsed harder with every passing moment. He didn’t want to lose her, but he also didn’t know how to keep her. “If I’m the one doing all the taking, it’s not fair of me. And not fair to you.”
Once again, she didn’t respond with one of her honest comebacks. Instead, she shifted and peered out the window, although there wasn’t much she could see through the darkness.
“The truth is,” she finally said, sadly, “I thought our arrangement would prevent me from becoming like my mother. But it looks like I ended up more like her than I expected.”
“C’mon, darlin’. We’re different from your parents—”
“I always wondered why my mother stuck with my father when he was doing the taking and never giving.” She continued to stare out the window.
Beckett wanted to cross the room and tell her that he wouldn’t be like her father, that he would give to her, that he would purchase her anything she wanted. But even if he got her everything money could buy, he would still know deep down that he’d used her to inherit the whole ranch.
“The reason she let him take advantage of her,” Hyacinth continued, “was because she always hoped someday he’d love her the way she loved him.”
Beckett’s pulse tripped over itself. What was Hyacinth saying? That she loved him and was waiting for him to love her in return?
He gave a quick shake of his head. That was impossible.
She didn’t love him like that. She was just saying she didn’t want to be in a marriage where one person cared more about the other.
And right now, he looked like a cad, only caring about her because of the will and what he could gain by being married to her.
“From the start, we both knew the marriage wouldn’t be based off love,” he said. “But I reckon we can learn to care about each other if we give it some time.”
“If that doesn’t happen?” Her tone turned hard again. “No, I’m not waiting my whole life and spending each day wondering if my husband will finally love me for who I am and not for what I can give him. I refuse to do that.”
“I don’t want you to either.”
“Good. Then I’ll travel back to Colorado, and you can send me the annulment papers.”
“No how, no way.”
“You’re the one who brought it up.”
“Told you I spoke rashly.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll leave tomorrow.”
His chest was tightening, and everything inside was swirling faster, like a tornado had touched down inside him and was gaining speed. He was making a wreck of his marriage, and it was starting to blow apart right before his eyes.
“Don’t leave,” he whispered.
“Sorry, Cowboy. I’ve made up my mind.”
“Let me change it.” He started to cross to her. He was being selfish not to want to lose her, but wasn’t that the problem? His selfishness?
She held up a hand. “Don’t come any closer, Beckett.” Her voice was suddenly raw with emotion.
He halted.
“You still have two weeks until your thirtieth birthday.” She lay down with her back facing him and tugged the sheet over her body more completely. “Sunshine and Rodrigo will be able to find you a wife in that time—a wife who is much more suited to you than me.”
“Doubt it.”
“I’m positive they can. They both want you here enough that they’ll move heaven and earth to find you the right match.”
His whole body was now rigid enough to hammer nails. No one could ever be as suited to him as Hyacinth. “That’s not what I meant—”
“Good night, Beckett. That’s all I want to say about it.”
“But—”
“Please?” Her plea was soft and strangled.
He heaved a sigh. “Fine. We’ll talk more in the morning.”
She didn’t answer.
Hyacinth could be stubborn when she put her mind to it.
But he was more stubborn, and he was gonna hash this whole mess out with her tomorrow.
Because faced with the possibility of her leaving, he knew without a doubt he didn’t want to give her an annulment, and he definitely didn’t want to marry anyone else.
The only woman he wanted was the one in the bed across from him.
Yet how could he ask her to stay at the Double T for five years when that hadn’t been part of their bargain?
Could he find a way to stay married to her without having to use her? That was the question he needed an answer to. And soon.