10. Specter #4
I stepped back, fumbled through my bag, and found a copy of Linguistic Inquiry. I held it in front of me as one might hold a Bible when trying to avert a vampire.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay? Here.” I ripped a page from the beginning and offered it. “Here, have this. It’s brand-new.”
It was breathing heavily, like a toddler deciding whether to lean in or come out of a tantrum.
It ripped the page from my hands. Swallowed it.
Satisfied I didn’t try any tricks this time, it extended its hand, asking for more.
I complied, feeding it the pages of the journal, then the pages of the syntax textbook I had bought for class as I hummed a lullaby.
“There, there,” I said softly. Eventually, it calmed down and finished feeding. Though it gave me a shove on its way out.
As soon as it left, I went looking for Ana: at the coffee shop, the lounge, the computer lab, but she wasn’t anywhere. I wrote her an email, telling her that I was sorry, that I missed her, asking her if she was doing okay, begging her to see me.
I didn’t hear from her until the next morning.
She said she missed me, too, that I was a jerk and she had much to tell me, “some real out-there shit.” She, Zach, and a couple more students were going to the Getty for the day.
She didn’t invite me, and it was too late to try to catch up with them.
She did, however, ask if I wanted to join her for a Halloween party at a club that evening.
I was in no mood for parties, but I said yes. I just wanted to talk to her.
I threw away the rest of the paper with the stolen words and spent the day working on the next assignment.
I managed to finish a draft. I knew it was mediocre, but it was something I could hand in.
On my way out of Campbell Hall, I stopped by the graduate lounge and grabbed two new journals, in case I needed them later.
“Please, please, please,” I pleaded to the universe and to everything I didn’t understand, to let me go see Ana, for no visits from it that night.
It was dark outside, so I walked as fast as I could without running.
As I passed the football field, the doors to my left suddenly opened with a loud bang.
The stadium lights turned on. My stomach dropped.
To my left, an enormous figure, all muscle, with a football helmet headed in my direction.
I stopped walking. I thought about Ana, wondering how this thing had her words, about how I was about to miss her again.
The giant kept moving toward me, but when it got closer, there were normal human hands, unremarkable nails.
In the helmet a nose, eyes. It was just a regular giant football player heading to the stadium.
I breathed out in relief and laughed. A little confused, the football player smiled. I smiled back, then ran to the party.
I came into a wall of music, the bass beginning of “Work It” by Missy Elliot played over large loudspeakers everywhere.
There was a stage set up, but the band seemed to be on break.
After trying to decipher the mess of people from the top of the stairs, I spotted Zach at the bar lining up for a drink, but I couldn’t see Ana.
I made my way down the stairs, hoping to ask Zach where she was.
I moved too slowly through the crowd, trying to dodge Britney, Legolas, Dracula, sexy nurse, sexy vampire, the devil, Ghostbusters, ghosts, and witches.
It seemed that I was the only one not wearing a costume, though maybe my stained T-shirt and my messy hair would have passed for something, as there was no way anyone in their right mind would have gone to a party looking like that.
Not even I would have, in the days before the creature showed up.
It hit me then, how much the whole thing had taken from me.
I was losing myself to it. I suddenly felt embarrassed to see Ana or Zach.
I wanted to hide, but I couldn’t. I had to talk to Ana.
Then I caught a glimpse of her, from afar.
She was right by the stage now, talking to someone tall, yelling over the loud music, laughing.
A pair of nuns and a clown moved in front of me, blocking my view.
After they passed, I saw the huge man she was talking to, who was dressed as a jack-o’-lantern.
It shook its head at something she had said, a little flirtatiously.
For a split second, I thought I saw a flicker of green lights coming from its pumpkin head, though I couldn’t be sure.
Maybe Ana and I together could do something to stop it.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt us with all the people around.
Ana did not look afraid of the man; she might even have been flirting back.
She had no idea. I ran toward them. But I couldn’t move through the thick net of bodies in the crowd quickly enough. When I finally made it, they were gone.
Ana didn’t answer my emails or texts the next two days.
Zach hadn’t seen her. Neither had her roommate.
The alligator did not come to see me that night, but I still couldn’t sleep.
Next Monday, she wasn’t in class. I walked back and forth between her place and Campbell Hall.
I decided to wait in the graduate lounge and finally fell asleep on the sofa.
I woke up later that night and immediately checked my phone.
Nothing. I headed to the computer lab to see if she had emailed.
In the corridor, I heard a faint hum, and as I got closer to the computer lab, the hum became louder, clearer.
Eventually I could make out that it was a lullaby in a woman’s voice.
Unlike the times I had heard it early on, it was loud enough for me to tell that it was definitely there.
And maybe, I wasn’t completely sure, it sounded like Ana. I ran the rest of the way.
When I opened the door, someone was there, in the dark, facing one of the computers, her back to the door. It was her.
“Ana!” I was so relieved. “Ana, I have been looking all over for you.”
Her glowing outline was carved out from the darkness by green light. She still had her back to the door. She didn’t move.
“Ana!”
Nothing.
“Ana!”
She swayed left and right ever so slightly on the office chair, but remained focused on the green light on her screen.
Carefully, I walked toward her. Shaking, I reached for the back of the chair and slowly turned her around. When I saw her face, I fell backward.