Chapter Six #3
“You’ve got it upside down,” comes Jack Harper’s dry voice. Everyone stiffens, and Nick turns around, clearly joyful at having attracted Jack Harper’s attention.
“Absolutely! I see what you mean.” He nods a few times. “So, what, like, the concept needs to be turned upside down? Reversed, if you like—”
“Not the concept,” says Jack. “The toy.”
Nick looks blankly at the toy in his fingers.
“It sits the other way up. You pull the rip cord and it spins.” Jack gives Nick an appraising look. “You knew that, right?”
A faint color creeps up Nick’s face, clashing with his pale red hair. “Er, sure,” he says. “Of course I did! So, anyway. We’ll…we’ll brainstorm, OK?”
There’s an excruciating silence as he puts the toy back on Fergus’s desk and stiffly walks back to his own.
I want to laugh. But I’m too petrified. What if Jack Harper picks on me next?
“Emma?” says Artemis in a falsely sweet voice. “Have you found that leaflet I was asking you for? Not that there’s any hurry—”
“Er, yes, I have!” I say. I push back my chair, stand up, and walk over to her desk.
I’m trying to look as natural as possible. But God, this is like being on telly or something. My legs aren’t working properly and my smile is pasted onto my face and I have a horrible conviction I might suddenly shout “Pants!” or something.
“Here you are, Artemis!” I say, and carefully lay the leaflet on her desk.
“Bless you!” says Artemis. Her eyes meet mine, and I realize she’s completely acting, too. She puts her hand on mine and gives me a twinkly smile. “I don’t know what we’d do without you, Emma!”
“That’s quite all right!” I say, matching her tone. “Anytime!”
Shit, I think as I walk back to my desk. I should have said something cleverer. I should have said something like “Teamwork is what keeps this operation together.”
OK, never mind. I can still be impressive.
Trying to act as normal as possible, I open a document and start to type as quickly and efficiently as I can, my back ramrod straight. I’ve never known the office this quiet. Everyone’s tapping away; no one’s chatting. It’s like being in an exam. My foot’s itching, but I don’t dare scratch it.
How on earth do people do those fly-on-the-wall documentaries? I feel completely exhausted, and it’s only been about five minutes.
“It’s very quiet in here,” says Jack Harper after a while. “Is it normally this quiet?”
“Er…” We all look around uncertainly at one another.
“Please, don’t mind me. Talk away like you normally would.
You must have office discussions.” He gets up from his seat, spreads his arms, and begins to walk around.
“When I worked in an office, we talked about everything under the sun. Politics, books…For instance, what have you all been reading recently?”
“Actually, I’ve been reading the new biography of Mao Tse-tung,” says Artemis at once. “Fascinating stuff.”
“I’m in the middle of a history of fourteenth-century Europe,” says Nick.
“I’m just rereading Proust,” says Caroline with a modest shrug. “In the original French.”
“Ah.” Jack Harper nods, his face unreadable. “And…Emma, is it? What are you reading?”
“Um, actually…” I swallow, playing for time.
I cannot say Horoscopes for Lovers. Even though it is actually very good. Quick. What’s a serious book?
“You were reading Great Expectations, weren’t you, Emma?” says Artemis. “For your book club.”
“Yes!” I say in relief. “Yes, that’s right—”
And then I stop abruptly as I meet Jack Harper’s gaze.
Fuck.
Inside my head, my own voice from the plane is babbling away innocently.
…just skimmed the back and pretended I’d read it….
“Great Expectations,” says Jack Harper thoughtfully. “What did you think of it, Emma?”
I don’t believe he asked me that.
For a few moments I can’t speak.
“Well!” I clear my throat at last. “I thought it…it was really…extremely…”
“It’s a wonderful book,” says Artemis earnestly. “Once you fully understand the symbolism…”
Shut up, you stupid show-off. Oh, God. What am I going to say?
“I thought it really…resonated,” I say at last.
“What resonated?” says Nick puzzledly.
“The, um…” I clear my throat. “The resonances.”
“The resonances…resonated?” says Artemis.
“Yes,” I say defiantly. “They did. Anyway, I’ve got to get on with my work.” I turn away with a roll of my eyes and start typing feverishly.
OK. So the book discussion didn’t go that well. But that was just sheer bad luck. Think positive. I can still do this. I can still impress him—
“I just don’t know what’s wrong with it!” Artemis is saying in a girly voice. “I water it every day….”
She pokes her spider plant. “Do you know anything about plants, Jack?”
“I don’t, I’m afraid,” says Jack, and looks over at me, his face deadpan. “What do you think could be wrong with it, Emma?”
…sometimes, when I’m pissed off with Artemis…
“I…I have no idea,” I say at last, and carry on typing, my face flaming.
Never mind. It doesn’t matter. So I watered one little plant with orange juice. It’s still alive, isn’t it?
“Has anyone seen my World Cup mug?” says Paul, walking into the office with a frown. “I can’t seem to find it anywhere.”
…I broke my boss’s mug last week and hid the pieces in my handbag…
Shit.
Never mind. So I broke one tiny mug, too. Just keep typing—
“Hey, Jack,” says Nick in a matey, lads-together voice, “just in case you don’t think we have any fun, look up there!” He nods toward the picture of a photocopied, G-stringed bottom that has been up on the notice board since Christmas. “We still don’t know who it is…”
…I had a few too many drinks at the last Christmas party…
Now I want to die. Someone, please kill me—
“Hi, Emma!” comes Katie’s voice, and I look up to see her hurrying into the office, her face pink with excitement. When she sees Jack Harper, she stops dead. “Oh!”
“It’s all right. I’m simply a fly on the wall.” He waves an easy hand at her. “Go ahead. Say whatever you were going to say.”
“Hi, Katie!” I manage. “What is it?”
As soon as I say her name, Jack Harper raises his head, looking animated.
What did I tell him about Katie? What? My mind spools furiously back. What did I say? What did I—
Suddenly I remember.
…we have this secret code where she comes in and says, “Can I go through some numbers with you, Emma?” and it really means “Shall we nip out to Starbucks…”
I told him our skiving code.
I focus desperately on Katie’s eager face, trying somehow to convey the message to her.
Do not say it. Do not say you want to go over some numbers with me.
But she’s completely oblivious.
“I just, erm…” She clears her throat in a businesslike way and glances self-consciously at Jack Harper, who has strolled over toward my desk. “Could I possibly go over some numbers with you, Emma?”
Fuck.
I can feel my face flooding with color. My whole body is prickling.
“You know,” I say in a bright, artificial voice, “I’m not sure that’ll be possible today.”
Katie looks instantly crestfallen. “But I have to…I really need you to go over some numbers with me.” She nods in consternation.
There’s obviously something on her mind. But what am I supposed to do?
“I’m quite tied up here with my work, Katie!” I force a smile, simultaneously trying to telegraph “Shut up!”
“It won’t take long! Just quickly.”
“I really don’t think so.”
Katie is practically hopping from foot to foot. “But, Emma, they’re very…important numbers. I really need to…to tell you about them…”
“Emma.” At Jack Harper’s voice I jump as though I’ve been stung. He leans toward me confidentially. “Maybe you should go over the numbers.”
For a few moments I can’t quite speak.
“Right,” I manage after a long pause. “OK. I’ll do that.”