Chapter Sixteen
Sixteen
Tonight is turning out to be one of the best evenings of my life.
The dinner is delicious. Ed’s speech goes down fantastically.
Afterward, people keep coming over to congratulate him, and he introduces me to everyone.
I’ve given out all my business cards and set up two meetings for next week, and Clare Fortescue’s friend has just come over to ask discreetly if there’s anything I can do for her.
I’m euphoric. Finally I feel like I’m getting myself on the map!
The only slight pain is Sadie, who’s got bored by business talk and has started on about dancing again. She’s been out exploring, and according to her there’s some tiny nightclub down the street which is perfect and we have to go there immediately.
“No!” I mutter, as she pesters me yet again. “Shh! The magician’s doing another trick!”
As we all sip our coffee, a magician is doing the rounds of the tables. He’s just pushed a bottle of wine through the table, which was quite amazing. Now he’s asking Ed to choose a shape on a card and saying he’ll mind read it.
“OK,” says Ed, choosing a card. I glance over his shoulder, and it shows a squiggle shape. It was between the squiggle, a square, a triangle, a circle, or a flower.
“Focus on the shape and nothing else.” The magician, who is wearing a jeweled jacket, fake tan, and eyeliner, fixes his gaze firmly on Ed. “Let The Great Firenzo use his mysterious powers and read your mind.”
The magician’s name is The Great Firenzo. He’s mentioned this fact about ninety-five times; plus, all his props have The Great Firenzo written on them in big swirly red writing.
There’s a hush around the table. The Great Firenzo takes both hands up to his head, as though in a trance.
“I am communing with your mind,” he says, his voice low and mysterious. “The message is coming in. You have chosen…this shape!” With a flourish, he produces a card which exactly matches Ed’s.
“Correct.” Ed nods and shows his card to the table.
“Amazing!” gasps a blond woman opposite.
“Pretty impressive.” Ed is turning his own card over, examining it. “There’s no way he could have seen what I picked.”
“It’s the power of the mind,” intones the magician, swiftly collecting the card from Ed. “It’s the power of…The Great Firenzo!”
“Do it to me!” begs the blond woman excitedly. “Read my mind!”
“Very well.” The Great Firenzo turns to face her. “But beware. When you open your mind to me, I can read all your secrets. Every deepest, darkest one.” His eyes flash and she giggles.
She totally fancies The Great Firenzo, it’s obvious. She’s probably beaming her deepest, darkest secrets at him right now.
“I find the ladies’ minds are often easier to…penetrate.” The Great Firenzo raises an eyebrow suggestively. “They are weaker, softer…but more delightful within.” He grins toothily at the blond woman, who gives an embarrassed laugh.
Ugh. He’s revolting. I glance at Ed, who has an expression of distaste on his face.
We all watch as the blond woman picks a card, studies it for a moment, then says decidedly, “I’ve chosen.”
“It’s the triangle,” says Sadie, with interest. She’s bobbing behind the back of the blond woman, looking down at the card. “I thought she’d choose the flower.”
“Relax.” The Great Firenzo is focusing intently on the blond woman.
“Years of study in the East have made me attuned to the thought waves of the human mind. Only The Great Firenzo can penetrate the brain to such a degree. Do not resist, sweet lady. Let Firenzo probe your thoughts. I promise…” He gives the toothy smile again. “I’ll be gentle.”
Eeuuww. He thinks he’s so hot, but he’s a total sleazeball. And sexist.
“Only The Great Firenzo has such powers,” he says dramatically, looking around the table at us all. “Only The Great Firenzo can achieve such a feat. Only The Great Firenzo can—”
“Actually, I can too,” I say brightly. I’ll show him who’s got a weaker mind.
“What?” The Great Firenzo shoots me a look of dislike.
“I can commune with the mind too. I know what card she chose.”
“Please, young lady.” The Great Firenzo gives me a savage smile. “Do not interrupt the work of The Great Firenzo.”
“I’m just saying.” I shrug. “I know what it is.”
“No, you don’t,” says the blond woman, a little aggressively. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re spoiling it for everyone. Has she had too much to drink?” She turns to Ed.
What a nerve.
“I do know!” I say indignantly. “I’ll draw it if you like. Does anyone have a pen?” A nearby man holds out a pen, and I start drawing on my napkin.
“Lara,” says Ed in a low voice. “What exactly are you doing?”
“Magic,” I say confidently. I finish my triangle and thrust the napkin at the blond woman. “Is that right?”
The blond woman’s jaw drops. She looks incredulously at me, then down at the napkin again.
“She’s right.” She turns her card over and there’s a gasp around the table. “How did you do that?”
“I told you, I can do magic. I, too, have mysterious powers granted to me from the East. They call me The Great Lara.” I catch Sadie’s eye and she smirks.
“Are you a member of the Magic Circle?” The Great Firenzo looks livid. “Because our protocol states—”
“I’m not in any circle,” I say in a pleasant tone. “But my mind’s pretty strong, I think you’ll find. For a lady.”
The Great Firenzo looks totally put out and starts gathering his props.
I glance over at Ed, who raises his dark eyebrows. “Very impressive. How d’you do that?”
“Magic.” I shrug innocently. “I told you.”
“The Great Lara, huh?”
“Yes. That’s what my disciples call me. But you can call me Greatie for short.”
“Greatie.” His mouth is twitching, and I see a smile pop out at one corner. A real, genuine smile.
“Oh my God!” I point at him in triumph. “You smiled! Mr. American Frown actually smiled!”
Oops. Maybe I have had too much to drink. I didn’t mean to call him Mr. American Frown out loud. For an instant Ed looks a bit taken aback—then he shrugs, as deadpan as ever.
“Must have been a mistake. I’ll speak to someone about it. Won’t happen again.”
“Well, good. Because you could do your face an injury, just smiling like that.”
Ed doesn’t reply, and for a moment I wonder whether I’ve gone too far. He does seem quite sweet. I don’t want to offend him.
Suddenly I hear a pompous-looking guy in a white tuxedo holding forth to his friend. “It’s simply a balance of probabilities, nothing more. Any one of us could work out the likelihood of picking the triangle, with a bit of practice—”
“No, you couldn’t!” I interrupt him indignantly. “OK, I’ll do another trick. Write down anything. Anything. Like, a shape, a name, a number. I’ll read your mind and tell you what you wrote.”
“Very well.” The man gives a little raised-eyebrows smile around the table, as though to say, “I’ll indulge her,” and takes a pen out of his pocket. “I’ll use my napkin.”
He lowers his napkin onto his lap so it’s completely out of view. I glance meaningfully at Sadie, who immediately hovers behind his back and leans forward to watch.
“He’s writing down…Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness.” She makes a face. “Dreadful handwriting.”
“All right.” The pompous man looks up. “Tell me what shape I’ve drawn.”
Oh, very sneaky.
I smile sweetly back and lift my hands toward him, just like The Great Firenzo did.
“The Great Lara will now read your mind. A shape, you say. Hmm…What shape could it be? Circle…square…I’m getting a square….”
The pompous man is exchanging smug smiles with the guy next to him. He thinks he’s so clever.
“Open your mind, sir!” I shake my head reproachfully at him. “Get rid of those thoughts saying I’m better than everyone at this table! They’re blocking me!”
The man’s face has turned red.
“Really—” he begins.
“I have it.” I cut him off firmly. “I have read your mind, and you did not draw a shape. No one can fool The Great Lara. On your napkin is written…” I pause, wishing I had a drum roll. “Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness. Show the table your napkin, please.”
Ha! The pompous man looks like he swallowed a fish. Slowly, he holds up the napkin, and there’s a massive gasp, followed by applause.
“Fucking hell,” says his neighbor bluntly. “How did you do that?” He appeals to the table. “There’s no way she could have known that.”
“It’s a trick,” the pompous man is saying, but he’s sounding less convinced.
“Do it again! Do it to someone else!” A man opposite is beckoning to the next table. “Hey, Neil, you have to see this. What’s your name again?”
“Lara,” I say proudly. “Lara Lington.”
“Where did you train?” The Great Firenzo is by my side, breathing heavily as he murmurs in my ear. “Who taught you that?”
“No one,” I say. “I told you, I have special powers. Female powers,” I can’t help adding. “Which means they’re especially strong.”
“Fine,” he snaps. “Forget it. I’m speaking to the union about you.”
“Lara, let’s go.” Sadie has appeared on my other side and is stroking Ed’s chest with her hand. “I want to dance. Come on!”
“Just do a few more tricks,” I mutter under my breath as guests start gathering around the table to watch. “Look at all these people! I can talk to them, give out my cards, make a few contacts—”
“I don’t care about your contacts!” She pouts. “I want to shake my booty!”
“A couple more.” I speak sidelong under camouflage of my wineglass. “Then we’ll go. Promise.”
—
But I’m in such demand that before I know it, nearly an hour has whizzed by. Everyone wants to have their mind read. Everyone in the room knows my name! The Great Firenzo has packed up and gone. I feel a bit bad about him, but then, he shouldn’t have been so obnoxious, should he?
Several tables have been pushed aside, chairs have been dragged forward, and an audience has assembled.
By now I’ve refined my act so that I go off into a little side room, and the person writes down whatever it is and shows the whole audience.
Then I come back in and guess. So far I’ve had names, dates, Bible verses, and a drawing of Homer Simpson.
(Sadie described it to me. Luckily I got it.)