Chapter Twenty-Four #3
“You can’t have known,” I say patiently. “Even I didn’t know I was going to come. I just happened to be in the area, I heard the music, I wandered over—”
“I did know,” she insists. “And if you didn’t appear, I was going to find you and make you come. And do you know the reason?” Her eyes have started to glitter, and she’s peering this way and that through the crowd.
“Sadie.” I try to fix her eyes. “Please. Listen to me. I’ve got something really, really important to tell you. We need to go somewhere quiet, you need to listen, it’ll be a shock—”
“Well, I’ve got something really important to show you!” She’s not even listening to me properly. “There!” She suddenly points in triumph. “Over there! Look!”
I follow her gaze, squinting as I try to make out what she’s talking about…and my heart drops in dismay.
Ed.
He’s standing at the side of the dance floor.
He’s holding a plastic glass of something, watching the band, and occasionally stumping from side to side to the music as though out of a sense of duty.
He looks so unenthusiastic, I would almost want to laugh, if I didn’t also want to shrivel up and hide in a little box somewhere.
“Sadie…” I clutch my head. “What have you done?”
“Go and talk to him!” She motions me briskly.
“No,” I say in horror. “Don’t be stupid!”
“Go on!”
“I can’t talk to him. He hates me.” I quickly swivel away and hide behind a group of dancers before Ed can catch sight of me.
Just seeing him is bringing back all kinds of memories I would rather forget.
“Why did you make him come here, anyway?” I mutter at Sadie.
“What exactly are you trying to achieve?”
“I felt guilty.” She gives me an accusing gaze, as though this is all my fault. “I don’t like feeling guilty. So I decided to do something about it.”
“You went and yelled at him.” I shake my head in disbelief.
This is all I need. She obviously frog-marched him here under total duress.
He was probably planning a nice quiet evening in and now he finds himself standing at some stupid jazz festival, amid a load of dancing couples, all on his own.
He’s probably having the worst evening of his life. And now she expects me to talk to him.
“I thought he was yours, anyway. I thought I ruined everything. What happened to all that?”
Sadie flinches slightly but holds her head high. I can see her looking at Ed through the crowd. There’s a brief, soft longing in her eyes, then she turns away.
“Not my type after all,” she says crisply. “He’s far too…alive. And so are you. So you’re well matched. Off you go! Ask him to dance.” She tries to push me toward Ed again.
“Sadie.” I shake my head. “I really appreciate you making the effort. But I can’t just make things up with him out of the blue. It’s not the right place, it’s not the right time. Now, can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Of course it’s the right time and place!” retorts Sadie, affronted. “That’s why he’s here! That’s why you’re here!”
“It’s not why I’m here!” I’m starting to lose it.
I wish I could take her by the shoulders and shake her.
“Sadie, don’t you understand? I need to talk to you!
There are things I need to tell you! And you have to focus.
You have to listen. Forget about Ed and me.
This is about you! And Stephen! And your past!
I’ve found out what happened! I’ve found the painting! ”
Too late, I realize that the jazz band has come to a halt. Everyone’s stopped dancing and a guy up onstage is making a speech. At least, he’s trying to make a speech, but the entire crowd has turned to look at me, yelling like a lunatic into empty space.
“Sorry.” I swallow. “I…didn’t mean to interrupt. Please, carry on.” Hardly daring to, I swivel my gaze to where Ed is standing, hoping desperately that he’s already got bored and gone home. But no such luck. He’s standing there staring at me, along with everyone else.
I want to shrivel up even more. My skin starts to prickle with mortification as he makes his way across the dance floor toward me. He isn’t smiling. Did he hear me mentioning his name?
“You found the painting?” Sadie’s voice is only a whisper and her eyes seem suddenly hollow as she stares at me. “You found Stephen’s painting?”
“Yes,” I mutter, a hand in front of my mouth. “You have to see it, it’s amazing—”
“Lara.” Ed has reached me. At the sight of him I have a flashback to the London Eye, and all sorts of crawling feelings come over me again.
“Oh. Um, hi,” I manage, my chest tight.
“Where is it?” Sadie tries to tug at my arm. “Where is it?”
Ed looks as uncomfortable as I feel. His hands are jammed in his pockets, and his frown is back in place as deep as it ever was. “So you came.” He meets my eyes briefly, then looks away. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”
“Um…well…” I clear my throat. “I just thought…you know…”
I’m trying to be coherent, but it’s almost impossible with Sadie bobbing around to get my attention.
“What did you find out?” Now she’s right in front of me, her voice high-pitched and urgent. It’s as though she’s suddenly woken up and realized I might have something of genuine importance for her. “Tell me!”
“I will tell you. Just wait.” I’m trying to talk subtly, out of the side of my mouth, but Ed is too sharp. He picks up everything.
“Tell me what?” he says, his eyes scanning my face intently.
“Um…”
“Tell me!” demands Sadie.
OK. I cannot cope with this. Both Sadie and Ed are standing in front of me, with expectant faces. My eyes are darting madly from one to the other. Any minute Ed is going to decide I really am a lunatic, and go.
“Lara?” Ed takes a step toward me. “Are you OK?”
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean…” I take a breath. “I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I left our date in such a rush. I’m sorry you thought I was setting you up for a job. But I wasn’t. I really wasn’t. And I really hope you believe me—”
“Stop talking to him!” interrupts Sadie in a burst of fury, but I don’t move a muscle. Ed’s dark, serious gaze is on mine and I can’t tear my eyes away.
“I do believe you,” he says. “And I need to apologize too. I overreacted. I didn’t give you a chance. Afterward I regretted it. I realized I’d thrown away something…a friendship…that was…”
“What?” I manage.
“Good.” There’s a questioning look in his face. “I think we had something good. Didn’t we?”
This is the moment to nod and say yes. But I can’t leave it at that. I don’t want a good friendship. I want that feeling back, when he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I want him. That’s the truth.
“You want me just to be your…friend?” I force myself to say the words, and instantly I can see something change in Ed’s face.
“Stop it! Talk to me!” Sadie whirls over to Ed and screeches in his ear. “Stop talking to Lara! Go away!” For a moment he gets that distant look in his eye, and I can tell he’s heard her. But he doesn’t move. His eyes just crinkle into a warm, tender smile.
“You want the truth? I think you’re my guardian angel.”
“What?” I try to laugh, but it doesn’t quite come out right.
“Do you know what it’s like to have someone crash into your life with no warning?
” Ed shakes his head reminiscently. “When you landed in my office, I was, like, Who the fuck is this? But you shook me up. You brought me back to life at a time when I was in limbo. You were just what I needed.” He hesitates, then adds, “You’re just what I need.
” His voice is lower and darker; there’s something in his look which is making me tingle all over.
“Well, I need you too.” My voice is constricted. “So we’re even.”
“No, you don’t need me.” He smiles ruefully. “You’re doing just fine.”
“OK.” I hesitate. “Maybe I don’t need you. But…I want you.”
For a moment neither of us speaks. His eyes are locked on mine. My heart is thumping so hard, I’m sure he can hear it.
“Go away, Ed!” Sadie suddenly screeches in Ed’s ear. “Do this later!”
I can see Ed flinch at the sound of her, and I feel a familiar foreboding. If Sadie messes this up for me, I will, I will…
“Leave!” Sadie is shrieking incessantly at him. “Tell her you’ll call later! Go away! Go home!”
I’m aching with anger at her. Stop! I want to yell. Leave him alone! But I’m powerless. I just have to watch the light come on in Ed’s eyes as he hears her and registers what she’s saying. It’s like Josh all over again. She’s ruined everything again.
“You know, sometimes you hear a voice in your head,” Ed says, as though the thought has just occurred to him. “Like…an instinct.”
“I know you do,” I say miserably. “You hear a voice and it has a message and it’s telling you to go away. I understand.”
“It’s telling me the opposite.” Ed moves forward and firmly takes hold of my shoulders. “It’s telling me not to let you go. It’s telling me you’re the best thing that’s happened to me and I better not fuck this one up.”
And before I can even take a breath, he leans down and kisses me. His arms wrap around me, strong and secure and resolute.
I’m in a state of total disbelief. He’s not walking away. He’s not listening to Sadie. Whatever voice is in his head…it’s not hers.
At last he draws away and smiles down at me, pushing a strand of hair gently off my face. I smile back, breathless, resisting the temptation to pull him down straightaway for another snog.
“Would you like to dance, twenties girl?” he says.
I want to dance. I want to do more than dance. I want to spend all evening and all night with him.
I shoot a surreptitious glance at Sadie. She’s moved away a few feet and is studying her shoes, her shoulders hunched over, her hands twisted together in a complicated knot. She looks up and shrugs, with a tiny sad smile of defeat.
“Dance with him,” she says. “It’s all right. I’ll wait.”
She’s waited years and years and years to find out the truth about Stephen. And now she’s willing to wait even longer, just so I can dance with Ed.
There’s a tugging in my heart. If I could, I’d throw my arms around her.