Chapter 10 #2
Dr. Hendricks cleared his throat, drawing my attention his way, and when he spoke, his light tone and bright smile contrasted with the band shackled around my wrist. “I guess we should get down to the nitty gritty.” He patted the exam table, which was covered in the usual thin paper.
“We’re going to step out for a moment so you can undress from the waist down. Okay?”
I got to my feet and managed a meek, “Yes.”
The doctor gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes and waved to the door, indicating Hilary and the nurse should leave. They did, and he followed.
Before pulling the door shut behind him, he said, “I’ll knock. Just let me know if you’re ready.”
I’ll never be ready, I thought, but out loud said, “Okay.”
Again, he gave me a tight smile, then stepped out of the room and pulled the door shut.
I undid my pants with shaky hands, trying not to think about what was about to happen. It was just a regular exam. That was all. I got one every year, and there was no reason to be worried. Everything would be okay. I would be okay.
Convincing myself that was true was impossible.
Naked from the waist down, I folded my pants, tucked my underwear inside them so they were out of sight, then set them on the chair I’d previously been sitting on.
Then I hoisted myself onto the table, unfolded the scratchy paper covering meant to give me a fake sense of modesty, laid it over my lap, and waited.
I looked around the room as I did, taking in the charts and signs.
One poster sported the image of a baby in a womb, head down as if ready for delivery, while another listed the possible birth defects that could result from drug and alcohol use.
As if my new accessory would in any way allow me to partake in such activities.
Not wanting to focus on that, I shifted my attention to a bare section of the wall, hoping it would distract me. It didn’t.
A minute or so passed, then a quiet knock sounded, and the doctor’s muffled voice penetrated the door. “Ready?”
“Yes.”
I lay back before the door had even opened, not wanting to see the doctor, nurse, or Hilary.
My body was shaking, and fear was coursing through my veins.
The underground had assured me that no one would be able to tell I’d had an abortion when I was sixteen years old, and it hadn’t come up in any of my previous gynecological exams, but doubt still lingered.
What if they found out? I would be arrested, that was for sure, and then I’d be sent to one of the hospital prisons where I’d have to live until my time in the program was up.
Then, and only then, would I be punished for ending my pregnancy.
The consequences were steep, which meant I probably wouldn’t see the outside of a jail cell for a decade or more.
“We’ve gone over your bloodwork and other tests,” Dr. Hendricks said as he moved about the room, preparing for the exam, “and I’m happy to report that you’re in tiptop shape.”
Without meaning to, I glanced his way. He was smiling, and he wasn’t the only one.
Hilary was beaming with what looked like pride, and even the nurse was grinning.
And they were all looking at me like they were waiting for a response.
What did they want me to say, though? Did they want me to thank them?
That wasn’t going to happen, and I wasn’t going to pretend to be happy or that this was in any way my choice.
Still, staying silent didn’t seem appropriate either, and while I didn’t want to indicate I was okay with this, I also didn’t want to make enemies.
I would have to tolerate these people for up to three years, after all. We might as well learn to be cordial.
“How good for the human race.”
The words came out more sarcastic than I’d intended, but neither the doctor nor Hilary seemed to notice – he was too busy washing his hands and Hilary had turned her attention to her phone.
Only the nurse reacted, but the glare she shot me was nothing new.
She hadn’t liked me since our run-in on the elevator, and I was more than okay with that.
Any woman who didn’t realize how wrong all this was could go to hell as far as I was concerned.
Despite the mask covering my mouth, I worked my lips into a smile that was a mix of smug and cheerful.
Fake cheerful because there was nothing good about this situation.
Since the nurse had been paying close attention to me, she saw my change in expression and scowled.
I didn’t blink and I didn’t let her annoyance get to me.
“According to your chart, you’re pretty regular,” the doctor went on, oblivious to the silent showdown going on between his nurse and me. “Is that correct?”
He peered at me as he dried his hands, his gray eyes piercing beneath his dark brows.
“Yes,” I said, my smile melting away. “Every twenty-eight days.”
“Good, good.” He glanced at his tablet as if to confirm this as he pulled two gloves from the box mounted on the wall. “And the first day of your last period was May twenty-second?”
“That’s right.”
He wiggled his right hand into a glove. “Which means you should be fertile in the next two to four days. Excellent.”
My stomach tried to eat itself as he pulled the second glove on. “You’ll start that soon?”
“No time to waste.” He settled onto the wheeled chair and pushed it across the room, so he was in front of the exam table.
“You’re the right age and your body seems ready.
Which I will confirm in a moment. If all goes as planned, you could be finished with your required service in nine months. Not too bad, eh?”
I swallowed the multiple things I wanted to say in response. Things like I’m not so sure you’d feel that way if you were in my shoes, and It would be even better if I didn’t have to go through this at all. Neither of those statements would be helpful.
“Of course,” the doctor nodded toward the stirrups, indicating I should put my feet in them, and like a robot, I obeyed, “you can always choose to continue. The human race, after all, needs women like you.”
Instead of telling him I most definitely wouldn’t be continuing past my required time, I asked, “What about the donor? How is he chosen?”
I knew the basics. Fertile men who wished to donate were put through a rigorous screening process, but once they passed, they were allowed to contribute monthly and were compensated handsomely for their time.
I’d even heard of a few guys who made a living out of it.
No, they didn’t have big houses and fancy cars, but they were still doing well enough from donating that they didn’t have to work.
“We have the perfect donor already picked out.” The doctor waved to a manila folder on the desk that I hadn’t noticed before.
I stared at it, speechless. Thinking about the faceless man whose semen would soon be in my body freaked me out. Who was he? It shouldn’t matter since I wasn’t going to keep the baby, but it did because this was my body, and I didn’t want anything in it that I hadn’t chosen for myself.
“How do you choose?” I asked when I found my voice.
“Tests, of course.” The doctor tapped my knees.
“Wider, please.” When I’d obeyed, he said, “We look at compatibility and family health history, and there are some other breakthrough scientific tests that help us determine which specimen has the highest likelihood of success.” He paused. “Touching you now.”
I braced myself, sucked in a breath when his fingers brushed my intimate parts, and squeezed my eyes shut.
“It’s all above your head, I’m sure,” he continued as he probed me, “but let me assure you, we’ve done everything on our part to make certain you have the best chance of conceiving. These procedures aren’t cheap, after all.”
Money. Of course, it was more about money than me or my body. It made me want to hit this man, made me want to scream, and I curled my hands into fists. Instead, I remained silent, trying not to focus on the sensations between my legs.
The doctor’s exam was over quickly, but it was followed by yet another internal ultrasound so he could get a closer look at my ovaries. He said nothing, but the satisfied sounds he made told me he was pleased. I had to resist the urge to kick him in the face.
“Very nice,” he said when he was finished, his tone making it seem like I was a prized pig at a fair rather than a woman.
He pushed the chair back, and I quickly closed my legs, then removed them from the stirrups.
The snap of him pulling the latex gloves off was the only sound in the room, making me feel oddly exposed even though I was no longer on display.
Beside the doctor, the nurse was holding a tablet, typing a few things in, while Hilary stood to my left, looking bored.
Why was she even here? No, she hadn’t been able to see anything from her vantagepoint, but that didn’t mean she needed to be in the room.
What was the point? Just to add to my humiliation, probably.
“Everything looks to be in order,” the doctor said, drawing my attention to him. “Do you have any questions?”
He hauled himself off the stool with a groan when I shook my head.
“Your wristband will send daily readings, let us know when you’re ovulating, and alert us when the time comes.
” The doctor moved to the sink, not looking at me as he flipped it on, and water poured from the faucet.
“You’re expected to be here within twenty-four hours of notification.
No exceptions. If you miss the window, you will be in breach of contract. Understand?”
I was still lying down, and I pushed myself to a sitting position, careful to keep the thin paper sheet in place so I didn’t expose myself any more than I had already been forced to. “What if I can’t get here? I mean, things happen.”
The running water forgotten, Dr. Hendricks turned to me, a stern expression on his face. “We give you twenty-four hours for a reason, Miss Murphy. Nothing short of an act of God should prevent you from getting into the office within that window. No exceptions.”
His tone had turned icy, and when I looked to Hilary for help, her cold expression told me I wouldn’t be getting any. It also sent a shiver down my spine, and knowing the nurse’s glare would be doubly intense, I avoided glancing her way.
“I understand,” I said in a meek voice that sounded nothing like me.
“Good.” The doctor gave a curt nod. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a couple other patients to attend to. Have a good day, Miss Murphy.”
“Thank you,” I replied automatically.
The nurse followed him from the room without so much as a glance in my direction, leaving Hilary and me alone.
She forced out a smile. “Do you have any questions?”
“Not that I can think of.”
“Good.” She clapped her hands. “Then I think we’re done for the day. Remember to take care of yourself, get lots of rest, attend the support group, and take your vitamins. You also need to schedule your counseling sessions. You’re required to attend one a month, and the doctor books up fast.”
“I will.”
“Feel free to show yourself out once you’re dressed.” Hilary opened the door and gestured toward my clothes, a fake smile plastered on her face as she said, “And I’ll see you in a couple days!”
My stomach flipped, and if I hadn’t still been naked from the waist down, I was pretty sure I would have run from the room. A couple days. That was all I had before everything about my life would change.