Chapter 15
Fifteen
Idressed hurriedly when the doctor, nurse, and Hilary left me alone, wanting to get out of the building as fast as possible. Trying not to think about what had just been done to me, I focused instead on the poster of the kitten.
Hang in there. Hang in there. Hang in there.
Its presence was ludicrous, but oddly comforting because it made the whole situation seem juvenile and unimportant. Silly.
Any comfort the poster had given me disappeared when I opened the door and found Hilary waiting in the hall, a big smile on her face.
“How do you feel?”
Like I’ve just been violated, I thought, while out loud I said, “Okay.”
“Good. Good.” She nodded emphatically. “Do you have any questions?”
“No.”
She pressed her lips together the way she did when she was dissatisfied with something I said or did.
“Well, that’s good, but I also know how overwhelming this can be.
Which is why I’m reminding you about the support group tomorrow night.
It’s required, remember, but I think it will be helpful as you navigate this new situation.
You also need to schedule a meeting with a counselor, which I know you haven’t done. ”
She arched an eyebrow as if challenging me to deny this.
Since I couldn’t, I shrugged and said, “Yeah. Okay. I’ll get that done today.”
The fake smile returned. “Excellent!”
I clenched my fists when the urge to slap her swept over me.
“Other than that, I want to make sure you do your best to stay healthy and get plenty of rest. Take your vitamins, drink lots of water, and come back in two weeks if you haven’t had your period. Understand?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, torn between wanting to get out of here and wanting to remind her that I wasn’t a child and didn’t need to be micromanaged.
“Good.” Hilary waited, and when I said nothing else, waved to the door. “I guess that’s all for today.”
Deciding a reply wasn’t necessary, I gave a stiff nod, then headed down the hall toward the waiting room. Hilary, to my relief, didn’t follow. She did, however, sigh like she was irritated. Well, the feeling was mutual.
When I reached the frosted glass door that led into the waiting room, I pushed on it harder than necessary. It whooshed open, swinging so violently I expected it to slam into the wall. There must have been a doorstop because the thud was quieter than I expected.
I stepped out and froze.
“I’m halfway there,” the woman I’d seen upon arriving was telling Fertility Department Barbie.
The blonde was beaming as she rubbed her hands over her stomach, her expression making it clear she thought the life growing inside her was a miracle.
I couldn’t really argue with that, especially considering how few people were fertile these days, but I also couldn’t say I would feel the same when my time came.
I watched silently as the two women chatted. The pregnant one, who had to be twenty-two at the most, couldn’t stop smiling, and while the receptionist was much less jubilant, she, too, seemed in awe of the other woman’s condition.
“You’re so lucky,” Fertility Department Barbie was saying, “I was just a teenager when the fertility crisis became apparent, which was way before The Fertility Act. My husband and I tried for years before finally accepting it was hopeless. Maybe, if we’d realized what was going on earlier, we could have had a chance to adopt.
” Her bottom lip trembled. “Back then, though, there were so few fertile women, and no one was monitoring them. It was all a guessing game. Not like now.”
My insides twisted, knotted, and made me want to hurl.
Both because her words disgusted me, but also because I understood the turmoil she’d gone through back then.
Trying over and over again only to fail, then finally accepting it was hopeless just before things started to change.
Watching younger couples adopt must have been torture.
Still, why should rebuilding the human race rest on my shoulders?
How was that any better than having a uterus that wouldn’t work?
It wasn’t, and I would never pretend it was.
Wanting to get away, I ducked my head and hurried across the waiting room, my sights set on the door.
“See you in a couple weeks!” Department of Fertility Barbie called as I hurried past.
I waved but said nothing.
Since having someone hit on me was the last thing I wanted right now, I kept my head down when I stepped out of the elevator on the first floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the Department of Fertility soldier as I hurried to make my escape.
I expected to feel like a different person when I stepped out of the building, although I didn’t know why.
Yes, the doctor had inserted a stranger’s sperm into me, but it wasn’t like the little swimmers had even reached my egg at this point, so there was no reason to feel different.
Plus, even if one of the assholes did make it to the finish line, it would be weeks before I had symptoms.
The fact that I’d gotten through all the intensive exams with no one even suspecting what I’d done ten years ago was the one major relief about all this.
Even though the people working in the underground had assured me no doctor would be able to tell I’d previously been pregnant, I’d still worried they were wrong.
Getting thrown in jail for a couple decades would have been the icing on the cake of my body not belonging to me.
I paused one step out of the building so I could pull out my phone, relief washing over me when I saw the missed texts from Trevor.
I’M HUGGING YOU MENTALLY. YOU’VE GOT THIS. YOU’RE STRONGER THAN THEY ARE AND DON’T FORGET IT.
Then, an hour or so later, he’d sent another one.
I’M brINGING DINNER. I’M THINKING CHICKEN PAD THAI FROM OUR FAVORITE PLACE. IT’S OUT OF THE WAY, BUT YOU DESERVE IT.
Quickly, I typed a reply.
YOU’RE MY HERO. LOVE YOU.
Then, on impulse, I typed another text.
I’M COMING TO YOUR PLACE. I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY.
I started walking, and only seconds later, my phone vibrated.
SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
Despite the horrible events of the day, knowing I was going to see Trevor lifted my spirits, and there was a slight bounce in my step as I started for home.
The clouds had become more ominous while I was in the office, and I’d only made it a few blocks when a fat raindrop landed on my arm.
I looked up, frowning, then smiled at the dark gray clouds hanging over me.
My grin widened when thunder rumbled a few seconds later.
I picked up the pace, hoping to make it past the courthouse to one of the several businesses in the square before the worst of it hit.
More raindrops fell, beating me on the head, arms, shoulders, and back, and pinging against the sidewalk as they grew in frequency.
Thankfully, I’d reached a small clothing boutique just as the clouds opened up and was able to take cover.
Once inside, I stood at the open door, watching as the storm began to rage.
It was intense, pounding on the city like it was trying to wash it away, and I couldn’t help thinking about the story of Noah’s Ark from the Bible and how God had used the flood to rid the Earth of evil.
What if He did that now? What if, by some miracle, the rain continued and the water rose, and everyone who thought this law was right was suddenly gone?
It would be a miracle, no doubt, but possibly too little too late since I’d just been inseminated.
Even if everyone was washed away, I might still get pregnant.
But it would be worth it to save other women from having to go through this.
Even if I had to go through a pregnancy, I would be happy no one else would have to endure this humiliation and injustice.
“Hello there!” called a peppy voice.
The smile the clerk shot me when I turned was as bright as her greeting had been, which contrasted sharply with both the gloomy day and my mood. She looked so happy, so hopeful, and it suddenly occurred to me that she was expecting me to spend money.
“Sorry.” I returned her smile with a sympathetic one. “I was just looking for a place to ride out the storm. I’m sure your clothes are beautiful” – I waved to the racks around me – “but I can’t afford to buy anything right now.”
The woman’s smile faltered but didn’t fade completely. “I get it. Really. It’s nice that the government is giving aid to small businesses, but I don’t know that it’s going to work. I mean, if no one can afford to buy anything, what are we even doing here?”
God, I really didn’t want to get into a conversation about the shitty economy right now.
I worked my face into a sympathetic expression. “I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s hard.”
“Thanks.” Her smile widened. “And stay as long as you need to. It’s really coming down out there.”
“Thanks.”
She went back to arranging the already neat jewelry display next to the register, while I shifted my focus back to the open door.
There was a slight overhang protecting the store from the water pounding against the sidewalk, but it was coming down so violently that little droplets still made their way inside.
I watched them ping off the sidewalk and jump through the door, landing on the hardwood and creating a puddle that, if not taken care of quickly, would probably distort the old wood.
I was about to say as much to the woman behind the register but got distracted when a figure appeared through the heavy rain, hurrying toward the store.
I stepped back when a woman rushed inside.
“Holy shit, it’s coming down!”
She was dripping wet, her hair plastered to her face and her mascara running down her cheeks, while her clothes clung to her body, emphasizing the bump at her midsection and making my stomach lurch. It was the woman from the Department of Fertility.