Chapter 28
Twenty-Eight
My room was clean but slightly shabby with its scratched four poster bed and matching armoire, faded brown curtains, and stained burgundy carpet.
The crisp bedding and brand-new towels in the bathroom were the only things that didn’t show any age, which solidified my theory that they’d had to fix the place up for us.
Once I’d thoroughly looked my room over, I went across the hall to Bette’s.
Her door was slightly ajar, but I still knocked before pushing it open the rest of the way.
I paused after one step, though, surprised to find Bette sitting at the foot of her bed, her hand making slow circles on her stomach as she stared at the carpet.
She’d pulled her blonde hair into a ponytail and removed her mask, making it possible for me to see the worry in her expression.
“Everything okay?” I asked even though I knew it wasn’t.
She’d obviously been too lost in thought to notice my arrival and jerked in surprise.
I lifted my hands. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“What is it?” I moved farther into the room. “What’s going on?”
“They’re not going to let me leave when the baby’s born, are they?”
So, she knew. It wasn’t a surprise because it wasn’t that much of a leap, and on one hand, it was good she understood what was going to happen.
On the other hand, I felt bad that she had to face it.
She’d worked so hard to create the life she had, and it wasn’t fair for the Department of Fertility to rip it out from under her like this.
I took a seat next to Bette, and in a gentle voice I said, “I doubt it.”
“I don’t know how to feel about that.”
“In what way?”
Bette rolled her blue eyes dramatically.
“I told you how things are, why I married my husband. It’s not like I’m really going to miss him since he isn’t around that much, but I will miss the life he gave me.
The comfort.” She let out a breath that sounded almost pained.
“I worked so hard to get where I was, too. I mean, I know you don’t have a lot, but you have no idea what it’s like in other parts of the country. Where I came from, it was awful.”
“I’m sorry, Bette. It isn’t fair.”
“Yeah.” She sighed. “But I shouldn’t complain. I signed up for this, after all. Unlike you.”
“Everyone deserves a chance to complain,” I told her.
“It’s unfair for women like me to judge other women for being thankful for the program.
For you, it was great, and it would have been for Ivy, too, if she’d managed to make it to China with the money she was earning.
The program gave you what you wanted. And you’re not alone.
There are other women here who wouldn’t be pregnant without it.
But they chose this, and that’s how it should be. ”
“I know.” Bette put her hand on mine, which was resting on my leg. “And I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.” I blew out an irritated breath.
“The women who really piss me off are the ones who can’t understand that we’re all different and we all want different things.
Not only do they look down on me for not being thrilled to be in this situation, but they actively help the Department of Fertility spread their propaganda. That’s wrong on so many levels.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” Bette said.
I gave her a rueful smile. “I know. And thanks for letting me vent. Thanks for a lot, actually.” I laughed. “When I first saw you, I never could have imagined we’d be friends.”
She grinned, flashing me her perfectly straight teeth. “I knew we would.”
“How?”
“Because I saw the way you stood up to Hilary, and it impressed me.” Bette gave a slight shrug. “I’ve always wanted to be a fighter, and, in a way, I am. I mean, I got myself out of my shitty circumstances.” She hesitated before saying, “This isn’t the first time I was in the program.”
I blinked, confused. “What?”
“Yeah.” Bette rubbed circles on her round belly. “I volunteered as soon as I turned eighteen. It seemed like the best way to get enough money to change my circumstances, and it worked.”
“Wow.”
It was all I could think to say. Bette and I had spent a lot of time together, and while I’d had a feeling I didn’t know everything about her, I never could have imagined this was what she’d been keeping from me.
“It was hard,” she went on, still rubbing her stomach, “but it was what I needed, so I did it. And it worked. I made enough money to buy a cheap car, and I packed my things and drove north.” She was smiling when she lifted her eyes to meet mine.
“I’m glad I did it, and not just because it gave me the opportunity to get out but because it allowed someone else to have a child. ”
She was a nicer person than me. That was for damn sure.
“I know I should look at it that way, but I’m just too angry to be able to do it.”
“And that’s understandable.” Bette’s smile was sad. “And it’s also why I admire you. I take everything people throw at me and swallow it, but not you. You never hide a thing.”
“Hilary pisses me off so much I literally can’t hide it.”
“Me, too.” She let out a bitter laugh. “I mean, she’s nice to me because I’m happy to be here, but she thinks everyone should be as thrilled as I am, and that’s just ignorant.”
“You’re preaching to the choir,” I muttered.
Bette held my gaze for a few more seconds, smiling, and it wasn’t uncomfortable, which was so strange.
Other than Trevor, I’d never been this relaxed with another person, never this open, and she was such an unlikely candidate to drag me out of my shell that it still blew my mind. But she’d done it.
“Well,” she finally said, dragging herself to her feet, “I suppose we should check out dinner.”
My stomach growled at the mention of food. “I guess so.”
Another bus had arrived by the time Bette and I reached the lobby, but the presence of the women waiting to be assigned rooms was completely overshadowed by the sight of the luggage stacked next to the front door. Especially when I spotted a pink suitcase.
Bette saw it before I could point it out and elbowed me excitedly. “Look!”
“I know,” I replied as I scanned the suitcases and duffle bags.
There weren’t any outward signs that they’d been searched, but I had a feeling I’d get confirmation once mine had been delivered.
A fertility counselor I didn’t know but recognized from our trip spotted Bette and me eyeing the bags and hurried over.
“The luggage will be brought to your room by the end of the night. Right now, though, you should head into the dining room, so you can eat. It’s been a long day and I’m sure you’ll want to rest.”
Was she sure I wanted to rest or was she letting me know that we had a curfew and had to be in our rooms by a certain time? I’d put money on the second one, but since I was starving, I chose not to ask.
The restaurant was packed by the time Bette and I made our way there.
It matched the rest of the hotel, both in its dark decor and that it looked a little worse for wear.
No linen covered the tables, leaving their dinged tops exposed for all to see, and the chairs were made of the same dark wood but had cushioned seats covered in worn, ripped brown leather.
A line on the other end of the room led to a buffet of steaming dishes, and the air was thick with the scent of roasted meat. Recalling the catered meals we’d had during our group sessions, my stomach rumbled, and I grabbed Bette’s arm and led her to the back of the line.
It moved quickly, but when we reached the front, I was surprised to discover that our fare was nothing like what we’d had at the meetings.
It was like high school cafeteria food. Salisbury steaks floating in dark gravy, grease congealing on top, mushy green beans, canned peaches, and what had to be fake mashed potatoes.
I wasn’t even pregnant, and the sight of the food turned my stomach.
Bette put her hand over her nose. “What is this?”
The fertility counselors had apparently been given jobs, some of which involved taking care of the food, and seeing my friend’s horrified expression, the nearest one came over.
“Is there a problem?” she asked in a crisp tone.
The hard light in her brown eyes made me instantly dislike her, although I wasn’t sure if it was worse than plastering a fake smile on her lips the way Hilary did – not that I could see this woman’s lips since she was still wearing a mask.
Anyway, since I wouldn’t have minded slapping either Hilary or the woman in front of me, I figured their expressions were pretty even.
Bette, who was too timid for her own good, said nothing, but I glared at our fertility counselor. “We were expecting something a little better. I mean, we are the hope for the human race, after all. You’d think the government would want to feed us properly.”
Someone snickered, and I glanced over my shoulder to find Malika a few people behind me in line. With everything that had happened today, I’d totally forgotten about the other women who’d come here with Bette and me but smiled when Malika shot me a wink of approval.
“This is what they have for you,” the fertility counselor snapped, drawing my attention back to her.
“It’s not a feast, but I promise it has all the nutrients you need.
I feel like I should also remind you that the country is in a crisis.
You should try being grateful for the position you’re in and what you’ve been given instead of complaining. ”
A chorus of angry murmurs from the women around me followed the statement.
“That doesn’t sound like gratitude,” I said, giving the fertility counselor a smug smile even though it was hidden by my mask. “I wonder why?”
She took a menacing step toward me. “What’s your name and who’s your minder?”
Minder? My brain spun from the word. Not because I didn’t know what it meant, but because I couldn’t believe she’d said it. It made me think of animals, of the zoo, not of human beings who were due respect. It was grotesque.