Chapter 52
Cassie
I’m still alive? Cassie thought as her eyes peeled open in the medical room. Her whole body ached. She thought she’d be crushed to death for sure. Obviously, that wasn’t the case. Obviously, someone had eventually come to get her.
Kestrel came to retrieve her. She was put back on service two days later.
Aweek and a half later, Cassie finally went to see the pups.
The suns were heavy on her head, and she wondered if this was how ?rim had always felt walking around in the daylight.
Irio and the others clung to her, whining and shrilling with excitement.
Cassie cried while Irio licked her nose.
She cried for what she had lost in time, in purpose, and in love.
It felt so wrong to be wanted, to have a Cassie-sized shape in the world, while she still felt like she was drowning.
“Cassie back!” Irio exclaimed. Meyra tugged on her pants.
It was normal for them. Their whole world hadn’t shattered.
After time with the pups, Cassie felt a slight thaw of the pain in her chest. Glia asked gentle questions about her day.
Some of the other residents of Laurus smiled at her as they passed.
A part of her didn’t want to go back. She knew S’samph would be waiting for their afternoon check-in.
Eleri would try to make calm, pleasant conversation.
Then there was the tank. ?rim had already been physically reformed.
She could see him in the tank. No longer just a cluster of bright crystals.
He was whole. But he wasn’t there. Not alive.
Not at her side. Being there was harder now.
It was easier to talk when she was talking to the emptiness, but seeing him there, fully formed and unresponsive, crushed her heart.
She knew she should be by his side always, but the selfishness in her kept her from returning.
Part of her wanted to go back to the dock house to look for more shards, but K’kaen would have a fit if he found her there.
But if ?rim woke. If he woke and she wasn’t there.
She’d never forgive herself. The suns were starting to set anyway, and someone would come looking for her if she wasn’t in her permanent spot holding vigil.
“Hey, Cassie. How are the pups?” Eleri asked when she reentered the clinic. “Did you have a chance to eat yet?”
She shook her head. “Pups are fine. I’ll go see them again tomorrow.”
“Good! I’m glad you’re getting out more.
S’samph is waiting for you upstairs.” Eleri’s smile was filled with relief.
Cassie knew the smile. Everyone wanted her to be okay.
She didn’t know if she ever would be again.
But she was staying. She was keeping her promise after almost breaking it several times, and that would have to be enough.