The Fifth Life of Alicia (The Stein Chronicles #1)

Prologue

The Department of Reincarnation

“You’re dead.”

I blinked at the ridiculously handsome ethereal being standing at the golden podium before me. “Eh?”

He lowered his rounded glasses, tilting his head forwards. Golden eyes peered down at me over the top of the rims. “You asked me what happened. You died, dear. You’re dead.”

All right.

Okay.

Yeah.

Sure.

I mean, my last memory was of a pair of headlights hurtling towards me when I was stopped at a red light, so that checked out.

“What?” I asked, still staring at the figure who would be a silver fox if he weren’t bathed in, well, gold. “Did that bastard car kill me?”

“If you’re referring to the inebriated gentleman who crashed into your car and turned it into a tin can, then yes, you are correct.”

“Whoa, hey, hold up.” I held up my hands. “Tin can? Have a little empathy. I just died, Grandpa. Go gentle on me.”

He sniffed. “My apologies, dear.”

“Um, did he really turn my car into a tin can?” I was kind of pissed at that. I’d worked hard to pay off that car, and I loved it. My Kia was too pretty to be turned into a tin can.

“Would you like to see?” Handsome shiny man waved his hand as if he were doing me a favour.

I glared at him. “Would you want to see if you were me?”

He cleared his throat. “Ahem. I suppose not. Sorry, this isn’t really my department. I’m only here because the angel who usually mans this desk has the flu.”

I didn’t know angels could get the flu.

Who knew the afterlife was so educational?

At least I was assuming this was the afterlife. I was apparently dead, after all, and I couldn’t imagine where else I would be. It was far too welcoming to be Hell.

It was mildly alarming how accepting of all this I was. Perhaps that alone was an indicator that he was telling the truth—usually, I was far more sceptical, yet here I was, weirdly at peace with the whole thing.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not like my day can get much worse if I really am dead.” I cast my gaze around at the stark white room I was in. It gave the vibes of a hospital throwing up in a science classroom, except everything was sort of… glowing. “Not to be rude, but who are you? And where am I?”

“Oh, goodness. I’m sorry, I should have started with that.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I was a bit hysterical when I got here a while ago.”

“Understandable. You just died, after all.”

Thanks for the reminder, handsome shiny man.

“Ahem.” He elegantly laid his hand on his chest and, tilting his head to the side, smiled gently at me. “I suppose you know me by the name of God.”

Oh, good. I’d sworn in the presence of God himself.

Wait.

God?

What?

I stared at him, blinking aimlessly. “I’m dreaming, aren’t I? All those years of being forced into Sunday School at the local church as a child are finally coming back to haunt me.”

The man who called himself God shrugged. “It makes no difference to me if you believe me or not, dear. I’m still God either way.”

“All right. Fine. You’re God.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Where am I, then?”

“You’re in the Department of Reincarnation.”

“The Department of—” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “What is this? The County Council of Heaven headquarters or something?”

God paused, pinching his lips together. “Pretty much.”

I sighed. “If that’s true, then I guess Ariana Grande was wrong. God isn’t a woman. What a blow to the feminist movement.”

“I did like that song. Quite catchy. Ah, hold on.” God shimmered, and the handsome male form was taken over by one that was remarkably like Marilyn Monroe, complete with the famous white dress.

What was happening right now?

I scratched my chin. “Uh, God? Are you okay?”

“I can take whichever form I desire. I have no gender. I am simply God.”

“That doesn’t explain why you look like Marilyn Monroe.”

He shrugged, shimmering back to the handsome male form he’d been in previously. “Even I can play favourites among my children.”

Sure, sure.

Why not?

As far as favourites went, Marilyn was arguably a solid one.

“Uh-huh.” I dropped my hand from my face and sighed again. “Well, you have excellent taste, God.”

“Thank you.” He smiled as if he were proud of himself for such a creation. “Now, onto business. You are… Alicia Montgomery, but you go by Allie, correct?”

There was no point asking how he knew that.

He’d just say, “I’m God,” wouldn’t he?

“I’d say I’m here in the flesh, but I don’t think I am,” I quipped, gesturing to my body. Or what I assumed was my body.

He chuckled.

Good to know God had a sense of humour.

“And you died today after being hit by a drunk driver at a crossroad after you left work early. Hmm. You weren’t supposed to go yet.” He tapped his finger against his lips. “Fiddlesticks. That’s always a tough one. Hmm.”

I got the sense I shouldn’t respond to that.

What was one supposed to say to something that essentially meant, ‘oh shit, you weren’t meant to die yet?’

Thank you? No, I think not.

“Well, that explains how you ended up here,” he said chirpily, all traces of confusion brightening his expression. “You were a good and honest person in life, so it looks like you get another shot at the whole shebang. How about it?”

The Church would have a fit if it heard God talking like this.

Then again, if I’d known God talked like this, I might have paid more attention in Sunday School.

“Another shot? What do you mean?”

“Department of Reincarnation.” He waved his hand above his head and a fancy-looking sign appeared. “You’re a good person who died too soon, so your soul is eligible for reincarnation.”

“Do I have to be reincarnated?”

“No. You can choose for your soul to pass on, if you so wish. But in choosing to do so, you’ll be at rest forevermore.” He paused. “Although I’m somewhat disinclined to let you rest. There’s something special about you.”

“I bet you say that to all the ladies who die too soon,” I quipped. “Do I get a say in where or how I’m reincarnated?”

God pursed his lips. “Not usually. Normally, your soul would be swept into the fountain of reincarnation, and you would be reborn when a suitable vessel appears.”

I wrinkled up my nose. “Does that mean I have to be a baby again? I’m not really into the whole pooping myself thing.”

“That’s usually how reincarnation goes.”

“Huh. I always thought I’d come back as a cat. I do like to sleep.”

“Would you like to be a cat? That’s a simple request. I can probably arrange it. I did once turn a girl’s ex into a cockroach at her request after he killed her. I don’t usually meddle, but rules are made to be broken.”

God had a taste for vengeance, it seemed. “I don’t know. That seems like a bit of waste of my brain. I didn’t go to university and almost die while studying law just to become a cat.”

God nodded sagely. “Not to mention your interesting personality. Not many people speak to me like this. They scream, cry, panic… So, you’re quite something, Allie.”

“I think I’ll take that as a compliment, coming from you.” I scratched my chin. “I’m not sure I want to be a baby again either, though. Ho hum. This is tough.”

God tapped his fingers against the podium. “There is another option. A rare one. One I feel that you’re suited to. And, given the current timing…” He tilted his head to one side. “Perhaps almost… fated.”

I paused. What did he mean by that?

Damn it, he had me.

“I’m listening.”

“This universe is made up of many worlds other than the one you lived in. Each galaxy is its own dimension, if you would. They each operate on their own timeline and with their own rules. For example, the modern conveniences you’re accustomed to don’t exist in other worlds for various reasons, while others may be more developed.

Specifically, your world has no magic, but that’s something that’s normal in many, many others.

Your world’s scientific advances would be phenomenal in one, but mediocre in another. ”

Whoa.

Yeah. I’m definitely dead.

Or really, really drunk.

“Some are worlds you know as those that exist in books and movies—some you may be familiar with, in fact.”

If there was a real baby Yoda out there, I was going to scream.

“Wait. You mean those fictional worlds are real? How do we know about them in my world, then?”

He tapped the side of his nose. “I can’t give away all my secrets, dear Allie.”

“Hmph. Spoilsport.”

God chuckled. “Anyway, in one of these universes, a soul is about to depart its body.”

“You mean someone is dying?”

“Yes. However, I know how her story is supposed to go, but something keeps getting in the way. The world is in a loop, one that restarts every time she dies.” Darkness flitted through his golden eyes, briefly dimming his gaze.

“It’s not supposed to be that way. I’ve searched for a soul to place there again to change things, but the last time I did that, I transported it to the wrong body and made everything worse. ”

“Oh, dear. I guess you aren’t as all-knowing as the church says you are.”

“Even perfect beings make mistakes sometimes.” He sniffed. “As a woman, you should know that.”

Smooth.

“Thankfully, that soul’s memory is reset every time the world is, so they have no recollection of their previous cycles in that world.”

“But they remember their past life?”

“If you mean their original life, then yes, I believe they do. Their time in this world merely resets to the point in which they entered it.”

“This sounds like a whacky fantasy novel.”

“Truth is stranger than fiction,” he said blithely. “Even myths are rooted in reality.”

“See, now you sound like the God I know.” I nodded slowly. “What of this dying soul? This isn’t some horror event where she’s going to try to take back her body, is it?”

“Ah, no. Her soul is tired after repeating the cycle so many times, and this time, she’s dying sooner than she ever should have. I’ve been trying to replace it, but nobody who will fit has ever shown up at the same time. Until… You. You, Allie, are the only fit.”

I blinked at him. “Me?”