Chapter 44 #2
I see the blood covering Kalan’s sword, and look back at the Usher, who’s scampering off.
My power lashes out, and I wrap my magic into a claw, sending a stream of dark ropes of shadow after him.
They seek him out and wrap around his body, pulling him to the ground, but it’s not enough.
My anger only expands, and the heat and fury I fought so hard against only moments ago now flows from my centre.
There’s no calm or control to this. It’s violent and angry, and it smothers the Usher until I stand over him.
His bloody stump of an arm tells me what happened.
He looks at me with anger written over his aged face, his skin drawn and hallowed at the eyes and cheeks.
“I thought your brother was the strong one,” he croaks.
“He is strong. But you underestimated me. I thought it was my brother I needed to fear, but it was you. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Kalan saved me. He risked everything for years and finally paid the ultimate price with the rest of his life.
The darkness builds inside of me, riled by my own thoughts until I can’t keep it contained any longer. I clench my hands and howl at the sky as the energy within me snaps the Usher’s neck.
The crack of the bones breaking serves as a release for my own rage and anger, the darkness ebbing, as if content for a moment.
I look up and see Fenix half-concealed at the edge of the trees, retreating to the north.
I turn back towards where Kalan’s body still lies. Dead. And Ten is there, standing guard over him, as if he knew I’d need a moment with him. I want to run to him, to seek solace in his arms. To find my normal—my balance again.
My feet crunch on the icy ground as I walk back to Kalan.
The mark over his chest has mangled and melted his clothes to his skin.
It’s similar to mine, and I reach for the place on my neck where my pendant used to be, now scarred and damaged, a permanent reminder of where the stone used to be and where my magic used to be contained. Now, it serves as a warning.
A sob threatens, and the sting of tears freezes on my face.
This was Novandia. All of this. He might have had the Usher to target his power, but I recognise it now.
All the calm and quiet I had nurtured and fought for vanishes, and anger races in, faster than water, faster than light, and it burns through my body as the grief catches me off guard.
This man has watched over me and kept me safe for twenty years.
We’ve only just cleared the air between us, and now any future I have with him in it, our paths free of lies and secrets, has been stolen from me.
Just like my real parents. Just like all the answers to my questions.
The power hums under my skin as if anticipating what I’m about to do and answering to my rage as if attuned to it.
“Ever?” Ten says gently and steps towards me, his arm outstretched.
I back away and shake my head. “Go. Get as far away from here as possible. All of you!” I shout, not wanting them to risk the fallout of what might happen next. “There’s still an army. There’s still a war on our doorstep. Go and help. Go back to the Court. This isn’t over.”
“Ever…” He tries again, but I’m beyond that now.
“Run!” I scream, the word clawing through my throat, desperate for them to be safe—from me.
The Maker said I was unbound, and I feel that in every fibre of my body. The magic within me feeds on my emotions, and my loved ones cannot be here to see the consequence.
I turn to the sky, call on every drop of power and let it overtake me, just like in Nehandun.
“Aslendrix, help me.”
I feel her magic as if answering my call. I recognise our connection now. I fought for her; our bond over these last weeks has grown, and here, now, she knows me and can sense every single one of my intentions.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“Yes!” My vengeance is the spearhead of my power, and I will not back down.
If Aslendrix grants this, then it will destroy Novandia. Not just keep him trapped in his powerless curse, but see him broken. Destroyed.
All the menace and energy I absorbed and built into the well in my chest erupts, responding to that one thought, and I become everything I fought to contain: light, and darkness, power and fury.
Light explodes from the spot where my necklace used to rest. I don’t need it. I am unbound—my power can’t be confined. Every single strand of power weaves and twists until it stretches far up into the stars.
Not just Novandia’s power. Not just Aslendrix’s but everything that has ever touched me.
But I need more. To do this, I need more.
“She will not help you to destroy, child.” The Maker’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “That is not her way. She chose you because it’s not yours, either.”
“Well, she chose wrong!” I scream, looking around to find the daughter of the Goddess. She’s appeared at the edge of the snow and ice, her Triune around her.
My mind struggles to find the balance to fight for anything other than this.
The blood, the scars, the beatings, every single bad thing that I’ve felt seems to scream at me all at once.
Every muscle damaged or slice and cut of skin sings to me with pain, as if building a tunnel around my emotions, leading me to one destination. One result.
I want to do this.
“No. You are in pain. This isn’t what you’ve fought for. This isn’t the balance you know in your heart.”
The Maker’s voice is gentle in my mind. And for a second, I see her, standing at the end of the tunnel, the beautiful woman with raven hair she once was. Until she disintegrates and turns to ash. Everything turns to ash.
“You do not know the consequences of your actions, child. Remember that.”
Tears burn as they fall to my cheeks, thawing my frozen skin. I fear that if I continue to cry, they could thaw the whole ground around us.
The image I saw in the Usher’s mind, the world as we know it, completely changed, is what the ash and dust reveal, and I crumble. That one image is enough to quench the rage.
“Be careful of your emotions, child. You have come so far to forget that, now.”
Her words spike my fear, severing my control.
The threads of my gift recoil at my release of them, as if they feel the shift in me, and they are wounded by my change of heart.
They want to destroy. They are happy to do my bidding, but I must remember that dangerous feeling.
The Maker’s voice dampens my haze, and my anger peters away, fading in the stark reality, as if the flame that burned so hot inside of me has suddenly been deprived of all the air that kept it alight.
She’s right.
If I do this, I am no better than everyone who’s harmed me.
I would take the place of the person I just killed.
My weight is suddenly too much to bear, and I fall onto my hands and knees. My fingers tense, as if the pads of each digit can feel the dormant power, trapped for all those years inside this stone. Still.
The decision is a knife-edge—a drop of power one way or another could colour my emotions. For all the possibilities, for all the hurt, the power could have reformed the landscapes around us, pulled the sun into being and forced the moon to retreat.
One way. Or another. Novandia could. He would if I called on him.
God killer.
But that is not my decision. That is not what I want, and I fear what stain this will have on my soul. What having this power, this ability to tap into this void of energy, may do.
“Ever, Stars, what… happened?”
Ten.
“I…” I pant, breathless and disoriented. “I think I’m safe. I’m not… dangerous.” Although saying the words doesn’t reassure me.
“Is that what happened before?”
“Maybe.” His voice, the fact that he didn’t leave, is another calming salve to the turmoil within me. “It felt different, more intense.” Ten steps forward, but I mirror a step back, not convinced I won’t hurt him.
“Hey, don’t do that.”
“Have you got your magic?” I ask.
“We’re all fine. The others—”
“I need to get to my brother.” I swing my head around and search the spot near the trees where I saw him last.
“You don’t. You don’t need to do anything.”
But that’s not true. Not while he’s out there. “Fenix!” I call, but he’s a faint silhouette against the cold. I see his shadow retreating towards the iced-over lake.
“Don’t, Ever. Please,” Ten pleads.
“I can’t let him escape. I promised Calix. Besides, he’s my brother.”
“And you’ve just destroyed his plan for power. He’s not going to surrender and come back with you willingly.”
“I didn’t say that’s what I wanted.” I look at him, hoping he understands, even if I doubt my own intentions.
Fenix has Novandia’s magic, and he hasn’t been through a Transference, so he doesn’t have Aslendrix’s balance.
He’s a risk. And after everything he’s done, shouldn’t this be easy? Yet, it’s not.
I watch his shadow grow more distant.
“Please, Ten. I’ve got to try.”
“He shouldn’t have his magic, right?” Ten asks.
I shake my head. “We didn’t destroy Novandia. Only ensured the curse would never break again, even at an eclipse.”
“He’s still powerful?”
“Only one way to find out?” But I already know that answer. The power I now feel as Novandia’s hasn’t left me, so Fenix will still have his.
I break off into a run, and I curse that my brother, after everything, is making me run after him. My legs feel like jelly after no time at all, despite the training.
“I hate running, Fenix. So just stop. You’ve got nowhere to go.”
Up ahead, he slows, but his stance is nonchalant. He sways on his heels, makes an exaggerated step to the side and turns to face me. He holds his hands up as if to say, ‘Well?’
“It’s over.”
“Oh, no, no, no, no. It’s far from over.” He waggles his finger at me. “There’s still a battle going on. I’m not sure Kirrians like the cold, do they?”
“Who’s making it so cold?” I ask, the air biting against my skin now that the heat of my power has subsided. “Has the Usher got more puppets working for him?”