Chapter 16 Wanna Talk About It?
Wanna Talk About It?
Carly
Have you ever felt guilty for something that’s out of your control? Well, I’ve felt that at least once every goddamn day of my life.
This little moment isn’t one of those times, but trust me when I say that it happens a lot.
“What the fuck is that supposed to be?” Crew shrieks as he hides his face with a throw pillow.
I hold back laughter as we continue to watch my favorite film of all time: Alien Romulus.
Lots had changed after my celebration dinner with him, Ali, and Vinny.
We still hung out a lot after, of course, but Crew and I went from hanging out primarily with Ali and Vinny to just the two of us.
Sometimes, I’ll visit in between projects to say hi to Crew’s betta fish, and other times, he’ll waltz into my apartment while I’m in the middle of a movie marathon.
Yeah, I was in the middle of a rewatch when Crew came over. Obviously, I don’t mind at all because I love introducing my favorite franchise of all time to people. Especially towards the end of the film, when the xenomorph’s offspring makes its first appearance.
“That’s the Disney princess I told you about,” I hum, sipping on some water. “The xenomorph’s offspring.”
I once claimed that the Xenomorph was a Disney princess because the Alien franchise is now under the company. Crew was the only person who thought it was funny because he didn’t know what it was.
Until now.
“Offspring? Like a baby?” He slowly removes the pillow from his eyes before quickly averting them away. “I work with animals, and this is not what offspring should look like.”
I nod. “That’s science fiction for you, Movie Star.”
“Let me know when this is over.” With the way he holds the pillow in front of his face, I can’t see the pure horror encompassing it, as it’s mere inches away from prohibiting his access to air. He peers over the pillow once or twice before quickly ducking behind it again.
This reminds me of when I showed Vinny this movie for the first time last year, and it has me laughing all over again. “Will do,” I snicker.
As we continue to watch the movie, my eyes bounce from Crew to the screen. Yes, I love this movie, but I’ve seen it multiple times—it’s better to watch how someone else would react to it.
But I can’t get what his mother said out of my head.
Not just what she muttered in the restrooms, but what she yelled at Crew that night.
I know I shouldn’t have listened to their conversation, but as soon as she mentioned the loud-mouthed, obnoxious girl, I cut my losses and tried my best to tune them out.
Which was pretty difficult, because Crew’s mother was pretty damn loud.
My eyes linger on Crew for a little longer as he hides behind the pillow. No wonder he doesn’t want to talk about it or bring anything related to his past up. He’s probably still affected by it.
I can’t begin to imagine what he’s gone through, and I’m very much a visual person.
As the credits appear on the screen, he places the pillow on his lap and closes his eyes, probably thankful that the movie is over. He deeply inhales before releasing a breath of relief.
“You good there, Movie Star?” I tease.
He nods. “Thank fuck that movie’s over.” When he opens his eyes, he finds me watching him. “Are you okay?”
“Yep,” I tell him, popping the p. “I’m just wondering.”
“About…”
“About the dinner.” It’s only been a few weeks since we ran into Crew’s mother at the diner, and I can’t help but wonder how Crew must have felt about seeing her again for the first time in a while. “Seeing your mom again. How she called me—”
“Nope,” Crew interrupts. “She doesn’t matter. Whatever she said about you, it’s bullshit.”
A small smile finds its way to my face. “Thanks, but I wanted to ask about you.”
Once those words leave my mouth, I begin to second-guess whether or not I should ask about Crew’s history with the film industry.
But I’ve already made it this far, and I don’t think I can go back.
“Why do you hate it so much?”
Crew
See, this is not what I had in mind for spending a day with Carly after my shift. I thought that it would just be a normal hangout—watching a good movie and talking through it.
Honestly, I should have noticed the signs when said movie was Alien: Romulus. Carly just pushes the boundaries of just about anything.
“Crew, is it that bad?”
Yes, it was.
“Being in the industry isn’t all glitz and glamour,” I remind her.
She shrugs. “So? I’m not signing up for the money. Film was my safety net when things were hard for me.”
I frown, unable to imagine how life could have been hard for Carly. She seems to go through it all with a smile and without a care.
“I don’t talk about it much,” she explains. “But my brain is a jumbled-up piece of mush, and it’s hard for me to feel calm and relaxed. We learned that putting me in front of a movie is the only time I can focus on something.”
“A jumbled-up piece of mush?” I repeat.
She nods. “It’s my ADHD—Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder. It’s more than just having trouble focusing. My brain is processing multiple things at once, and it easily overwhelms me.”
I didn’t know this about her. My knowledge about stuff like that isn’t vast, so I can’t make claims, such as how it explains so much about her, or other shit.
But, in a way, it kind of does. She needs to be in a quiet setting to focus, like that time she took me to the beach when I almost had that panic attack.
“You know how some people can just switch their brain off and feel calm?”
I nod. Odd way to describe it, but understandable nonetheless.
“That’s not me,” she explains. “I can’t turn my brain off, and to gain control of my brain is hard, but movies helped me a lot before my diagnosis. Just being able to focus on a storyline at a time made things easier for me.”
My eyes move to her arm, where her tattoo rests, and it makes sense. Why she’s so passionate about film. It was the only time she felt grounded, more at ease with herself. She gravitated towards film like a duck to water.
Where I was once stressed and uncomfortable with the mere idea of movies, she soaked it all in like a sponge to water. Should she skyrocket into fame—and I know she will, because it’s Carly—she can handle it.
Much better than I had, that’s certain.
“How come you never mentioned it before?” Carly seems like the type of person to joke about it, just to soften the trouble she’s gone through. “Your ADHD?”
“I try not to make it my entire personality. I shouldn’t be treated as lesser than because my brain is wired differently.”
My head bobs up and down like a freaking bobblehead.
“Now, I take Adderall for it, and I’m doing a lot better,” she concludes. “But that doesn’t make it easier. Talking to someone about it helps.”
Carly and I can’t be different from each other, from how we view the film industry to something so minuscule like how much butter should be on popcorn, but like opposite magnets, I can’t help but seem drawn to her. She used to be everything I avoided, but now she’s everything I want to be around.
Should I tell her? Would she run away or would she listen?
“Carly, you want to hear everything?”
“Yes.” Without hesitation, without pause. “Even if it’s the Cliff-notes version, I want to know all of you. Even the worst of it, Crew.”
And there lies my answer.
“Get some popcorn ready, then.”