Chapter 18 Freaking Out Here!
Freaking Out Here!
Carly
Shit.
What am I doing? Why am I doing it?
I just kissed him…and ran away.
Crew’s still in my freaking apartment, too! What was I thinking? Ugh!
I pace back and forth, walking around in circles and fidgeting with my ring. Maybe I need to talk to someone, ask for advice.
Currently, the only person I can talk to about this is Crew, but…
Nope, not doing that. I go to my contacts and scroll down to a certain someone who I know won’t freak out about this.
“Bueno?” Diana answers after the first ring.
“How am I supposed to react after a kiss?” I blurt out quietly.
A moment of silence passes, and I check my screen to see if Diana accidentally hung up or my phone died.
Hello, Wonder Woman. Are you there?
“Okay, two questions,” Diana sighs. “First of all, why are you whispering? And secondly, why are you freaking out over a kiss?”
Probably because said kiss was from a guy I’ve been developing very strong feelings for. The past few months, I’ve been acting like Crew’s friends when I’ve been desperate to kiss him silly and just bask in him.
Let’s also not forget—he’s the one who kissed me first! Clearly, this is either a fluke or he actually likes me, and I don’t fucking know what to do.
In summary: I’m freaking out here!
It should be illegal for Crew to be such a good kisser, too.
“Can you please answer the question?” I hiss. “How did you feel when Carson first kissed you?”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I cringe. Probably because he’s my brother, but I cannot understand why people would find him attractive. I thought that I was the attractive twin until he got a girlfriend that our parents loved before I got a boyfriend.
“I internally freaked out because I liked him,” she answers. “Then he refused to dodge the subject of talking about it—why don’t you do that? Doesn’t your family prioritize communication or something?”
“Carson’s better at it than me!”
“You know what?” Diana huffs. Before she can say anything more, I hear rustling at the other end of the phone. A few seconds later, Carson speaks.
“Why did you hang up on me?”
I place my hand on my forehead, rubbing it in circles. “I called Diana, not you.”
“It’s very important information that I want to tell you.”
“Can it wait?” I beg. “Diana and I were having a very important conversation.”
“I know, I know—you’re freaking out about kissing a guy and you don’t know what to do next.”
My eyes begin rapidly blinking. How the fu—
“You’ve been on speaker,” Carson adds cooly. “Can I give a guy’s input here?”
“No,” I respond instantly. “I called Diana.”
“And I still need context,” she pipes in. “What happened in the five seconds before you called me?”
I hesitate because saying it out loud is embarrassing.
“Carly, how bad can it be?” My brother asks softly. “It’s not like you ran away from him the moment it happened.”
A small wincing sound escapes my mouth at his words. That’s exactly what happened, and he knows me too well because when I had my first kiss at thirteen years old, I did the exact same thing.
Carson can easily guess that based on the lack of response I give. “You ran away again, didn’t you?”
I nod before remembering that he can’t see me. “Yeah,” I whisper.
“Before addressing it?”
“Yup.”
“Why am I getting flashbacks?” He jokes lightly. If I were actually on a video call with him, I would just lightly show Carson my middle finger. “Carl, just go back and kiss him again.”
“But I just—”
Diana cuts me off. “What’s stopping you?”
“Exactly!” My brother practically shouts. “He already kissed you once. Unless the kiss was really bad, you should kiss him again. I’m standing my ground.”
What’s stopping me? Total humiliation is stopping me!
“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Diana mutters over the phone. “But just kiss the guy.”
“If he hurts you, tell me his name!” Carson shouts.
“Bye! Thanks for the advice!” I whisper-shout before hanging up. Sometimes, I forget how crazy those two are together.
Carson does have a point. Aside from my complete embarrassment, what’s really stopping me? Could it be the fact that he might still have a small crush on Ali, and the kiss was just a fluke?
Even if it was, Crew kissed me. And, despite my initial reaction, I so desperately wanted him to.
Part of me wants to stay in my room, hide until Crew leaves, but I can’t.
First of all, that would make me lowkey a bitch and terrible hostess.
Secondly, I need to face my truth. The truth being that I really like him, despite any reason that I shouldn’t.
As soon as I close the door behind me, I spot Crew heading towards the door. His head turns so fast that I swear he got whiplash from it.
But the moment his eyes land on mine, every single word that was about to leave my mouth vanishes. Disappears. I’m supposed to be the girl who’s unafraid to say what’s on her mind, but right now, my mind is blank.
Everything I wanted to say is gone.
But then, Carson’s words run through my mind.
Just go back and kiss him again.
I can’t believe I’m actually taking guy advice from my twin brother of all people—the same guy who threw a pie at Diana’s face when they first met—but he’s got a point.
Actions speak louder than words, right?
I walk around the couch and coffee table, towards the front door. With each step, I’m telling myself not to think too much about it because if I do, I’ll back out and hide in my room again.
Right now, I’m a little tired of hiding.
“Carly, what’s going—”
Before Crew can finish that sentence, I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down to my level to kiss him.
This time, I’m not hesitating. I’m showing Crew how I feel through this kiss, how I’ve felt since that night he helped me with my film. I’m laying it all out there with this.
As his arm snakes around my waist, I relax into the kiss, because now I know my thoughts are toying with me. He initiated for a reason, and it wasn’t because of some mental misguidance.
Crew wanted to kiss me, too.
I feel like a giddy teenager as I pull away from him, my gaze a little foggy as Crew’s eyes slowly open up and his dark irises connect with mine.
A beat passes without a single word being spoken between us. Then, the door opens, and Crew steps out, the silence following him and the cool breeze coming in.
My heart sinks to the floor.
There’s no way I’m imagining this, right? Someone pinch me and tell me that Crew didn’t walk out and leave me standing there after I just kissed him.
Please don’t tell me I screwed up our friendship—or what’s left of it—because this is one heartbreak I might not recover from for a long time.