5|Gazing
I closed the back door behind me as my dad sat and lit a blunt.
"You want?" He asked as he held it out.
I simply shook my head.
"Right," he nodded before inhaling. "I can't smoke in Jersey, so here will have to do."
I leaned against the wall. "What do you want, dad? I really need to get started on my case."
"You haven't seen your old man in months and you're concerned with work?" He asked in disbelief.
"It's important," I told him.
I actually have to put effort into this case in order to win.
"You're doing it again," he acknowledged.
"Doing what again?" I asked, starting to feel annoyed.
"You're obsessing again," he said.
"No, I'm not," I told him. "I don't obsess over things."
"Yes, you do," he argued. "You obsessed over drugs, you obsessed over school, you obsessed over your mom-"
I immediately glared at him. "Don't you dare bring up mom. Any sane person would've done the same."
"Not in the unhealthy way you did, Nathaniel," he said concerned. "You were in so deep that you depended on drugs to relive you."
"Her killer is just roaming around free while she's no more," I bitterly said. "How can you just allow that if ever loved her?"
He paused. "Please don't tell me you're doing it with Naomi too?"
"Why would I?"
"I hope you're not fixated on the baby," he said and I swallowed. "She already had to deal with your little drug problem. Don't burden her with this too. It wasn't her fault."
I began to feel weak, so I stooped down. "We were this close to having her."
My dad paused before putting out his blunt. "Maybe it was for the best, Nathaniel. The baby was probably suffering. You wouldn't want your daughter to be suffering, right?"
A silence passed between us.
He's right.
I wouldn't want her to suffer.
I immediately shook my head before standing up straight.
"Nathaniel," dad sighed.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," I bluntly said before heading back inside.
Naomi and Jackie were in the kitchen laughing about something as they continued to drink wine.
Naomi's face lit up in a way I hadn't seen in months.
She was actually laughing.
For a second, I didn't move.
I just watched.
Naomi caught me watching her and her smile faded slightly as she held my gaze.
She wasn't hostile with it or felt distant. Just...quiet awareness.
"You okay, my love?" She asked as she put down her glass.
My jaw clenched when she used that ridiculous nickname.
There was barely any love between us anymore.
"Yeah," I lied. "I'm fine."
Jackie looked between us, sensing something but wise enough not to ask about it.
She gave Naomi's hand a squeeze and began to excuse herself, but I held her back.
"I'm sorry about earlier."
She paused and looked at me shocked.
I didn't usually apologize.
Not out loud, anyway.
She smiled softly. "Nathaniel, I've raised you since you were nine. I know how you get when you're feeling overwhelmed. Just stop pushing the ones you love away."
She gave me a pat on the shoulder before turning to Naomi. "Stay with him for a while. He's in there somewhere."
Naomi didn't say anything. She just nodded with that fake smile of hers.
Jackie picked up her things. "Ray and I are leaving now. He has an early morning meeting."
We nodded before saying our goodbyes to them.
When we closed the front door, our usual silence returned.
She leaned against the wall, exhaling like she'd been holding her breath all night.
I glanced at her a little longer and I tried to remember the L1 I fell in love with during my last year of law school.
Her eyes suddenly locked with mine.
My eyes drifted from hers down to her mouth.
Her parted lips looked so soft and tender.
My gaze lowered to the spot on her neck where I would always leave hickeys.
She used to hate that, but let me do it anyways.
I lowered my gaze even further to see the uneven rise and fall of her chest.
Her breasts moved with each breath, the fabric of her shirt clinging slightly and revealing more than it should.
My mind drifted to all the times we had sex.
How good her body felt against mine.
How good her sounds made me feel.
How good it felt to lose myself in her.
I shook my head before returning my gaze to her eyes and surprisingly she was still watching me.
I felt my hands twitch at my side, but I didn't dare to move them.
"Well, goodnight," she quickly said and rushed off before I could even answer.
I sighed before grabbing my laptop and working on tomorrow's case.
...
"There's no way you paid ten bucks for this," Jessica, my assistant, said as she looked at the three plates of food in front of us.
"I swear on my dad's life," Ted, the office's paralegal, replied.
"But you hate your dad so that doesn't count," she said.
"Fair point, but still," he replied. "Let's just say the owner and I are good friends."
"Friends or friends with benefits?" Jessica smiled.
I rubbed my temples frustratedly as I tried to focus. "Guys."
"Carter, relax a little bit," Ted said. "You just crushed that case. I think you deserve to have a little laugh with us."
"Yes, Sir," Jessica agreed. "You said you barely got any sleep last night."
I ignored them as I tried to focus on the document in front of me. "There's no time to waste. We have four cases tomorrow and two meetings."
"I'm the one supposed to be keeping track of that, sir," Jessica folded her arms. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm even here."
I rolled my eyes from her statements before looking back down.
"Hey, isn't that your wife?" Ted suddenly said and my whole body stiffened.
"Yeah, sir," Jessica said as she looked at the cashier.
I slowly looked up to see Naomi standing by herself as she viewed the menu.
She was in a blue pantsuit with her natural hair out.
We hadn't said a word to each other this morning, just awkward bumping into each other as we tried to make our own breakfast.
"Aren't you going to talk to her, sir?" Jessica asked.
"No," I said before looking back down at my work.
The air amongst the three of us fell silent and I could sense to two giving each other silent looks.
I let out a silent sigh before standing up and making my way over to Naomi's side.
"Will that be all?" The cashier asked her and she nodded as she dug into her bag to find cash.
I grabbed my wallet from my pocket before handing the cashier my card.
"Wait, how much-"
Naomi paused when her eyes landed on me.