17|Grief
"Wow, you two are sitting closer without me having to tell you," Dr. Hartman joked as we began our session.
Yes, Nate and I were willingly sitting next to each other.
"So you two are sleeping in the same room?" She asked and we nodded.
"No arguments?" She asked, but we didn't reply. "No arguments?"
She leaned back in her seat. "What was it about? Or were they multiple?"
I stiffened in my seat as I recalled all the hurtful things we told each other.
"We worked it out," I quickly said.
"Then you should have no problem telling me what the fight or fights were about," she said.
I looked down.
"The only way to get through this is to work through it," she encouraged us to speak.
"I didn't answer my parents phone call and he spoke some sense into me," I admitted.
"No, I spoke bullshit and hurtful things," he opposed.
He intertwined his hand with mine. "I'm really sorry, Nae."
Dr. Hartman looked impressed. "Wow, you two have grown a lot since our last session. Maybe we won't need to have as much if you're going at this rate."
I smiled as I allowed him to hold my hand.
See looked at her notes before returning to us.
"I can clearly see you two don't have a problem with loving each other," she started. "So what made you come here?"
"What was the cause of the destruction of your marriage?" She asked.
We suddenly let go of each other's hands as our opinions crossed our minds and she quickly noticed.
"Ah, so I guess we're focusing on that then," she smiled.
...
After hours, my contractions came and I soon found myself pushing through the pain.
Nate was beside me, pale and still, but holding my hand.
He hadn't said anything since we found out there was no heartbeat.
I know he blames me, but he wasn't ruthless enough to say it.
When I finally delivered, the room went silent.
No crying.
Just the tiny baby being handed to me by the nurse who was avoiding eye contact with me.
I wanted to burst into tears when she handed her to me, but I couldn't.
If I did, I knew I would never stop.
Nate didn't cry either, but when he touched her tiny hand and whispered her name, I saw it in his eyes.
He immediately looked away before rushing out.
...
"We lost our baby," he said and a sad look appeared on her face.
"I'm so sorry that you two had to experience that," she frowned. "But I'm glad you're trying to move on and I can help with that."
"I see you two stopped holding hands," she noted with a small, sad smile.
I opened my mouth, but no words came.
That's just how it always was between us.
We got close, then the grief reminded us why we shouldn't be.
"It's okay," Dr. Hartman said. "Grief has a way of messing with couples."
I glanced at our sides, noticing how far apart our hands were now.
I guess it does.
"I'd like us to work through this slowly, so let's call it a day," she carefully said. "In the mean time, I want you two to work on holding hands again and try moving the intimacy up a little. Maybe kisses?"
"They don't have to be long, but at least try, okay?" She asked and we both nodded before leaving.
The silence between us became awkward again as we walked to the parking lot.
"Going back to work?" He awkwardly asked.
"Yeah," I answered, avoiding eye contact.
Work was absolutely hell.
Kate thought she ran all the shit and kept dropping paperwork on my desk.
"Okay," he nodded. "I guess I'll see you at home."
"I guess," I nodded.
...
I stepped into the office and tried to breathe like it's just another Monday.
But the second I sat down, Kate appeared at my desk.
She dropped a stack of files in front of me without even looking me in the eye. "Drafts for review. Need them by end of day."
I blinked. "These are...intake summaries and contract templates."
She smiled deviously. "Yeah, paralegal work. You're not on trial duty anymore, remember?"
I bit the inside of my cheek.
She rolled her eyes. "If you have something to say, just say it."
My grip tightened around the files as I kept my mouth shut because I know there would be no return if I didn't.
Suddenly, there was a knock on my door before Mr. Hilton walked in.
"Sorry to interrupt, but where do you want me?" He asked and she smiled at him.
"You can meet me in my office, sir. I'll be there in a few," she proudly answered.
I stared at her stunned.
My mouth parted, but no ways came out at first.
"Wait, Mr. Hilton?" I asked, standing slowly. "Why are you meeting with Kate?"
He shifted, slightly uncomfortably.
"There was a notice about your...change in status. I was reassigned. She's my new counsel."
I looked at Kate.
She didn't even flinch.
I scoffed.
Reassigned?
She took him.
That case was mine.
I've worked with Mr. Hilton for over a year.
I knew every detail of his file. His business. His concerns.
He trusted me.
"Oh," I managed to say before sitting back down. "Right."
"I'll be back for those files later," Kate proudly replied before the pair walked away.