36|Peace
We walked in a comfortable silence along the beach.
The ocean stretched endlessly beside us while the sand soothed our feet below us.
Naomi tapped me before pointing at the shoreline where a small sea turtle struggled towards the sea, its tiny flippers paddling furiously against the tide.
I smiled, watching as it finally reached the waves and disappeared beneath the surface, leaving a trail of ripples behind.
I looked down at her before planting a soft kiss on her lips.
She quickly gave me another one before we continued on our journey.
A permanent smile settled on my face.
This was the most relaxed I've felt in well...years.
We stayed on the beach for the whole day just relaxing.
We swam, made out, talked, built sand castles, and made out some more.
Now it was getting late and soon time for us to head back to our hotel room.
Suddenly, I saw them.
A young family gathered near the edge of the water.
The mother was cradling her baby and the father held the child's hand as they all laughed together.
The sight ached my heart more than I expected it to.
That was supposed to be us and Eden.
It's been over a year now.
It shouldn't hurt as much, but it did.
Naomi must have seen me watching them because she nudged my shoulder gently and gave me a comforting smile.
I swallowed the ache in my chest and nodded, forcing a smile as we walked past the family.
Just then, I heard something.
"Eden, baby, come here!" the mother called, laughing as the little girl toddled toward the water.
My feet stopped moving.
Naomi turned to me, her eyes wide.
She'd heard it too.
Eden.
It felt like the wind held its breath for a second, like the ocean stilled just enough for the name to echo in the space between us.
The child's name was Eden.
I looked at Naomi, and she looked at me and in that silence, nothing needed to be said.
She reached for my hand again, lacing our fingers together without a word.
I gripped it tightly and allowed her to take away my pain.
We both turned to glance back at the family.
The mother was crouched now, arms outstretched as little Eden ran into her embrace, giggling the way kids do when they feel completely safe.
It should've broken me.
It should've crushed me, so bad that I want to die too.
But somehow, it didn't.
Instead, it felt like a quiet gift.
A reminder that the name we gave our daughter still lived.
It still breathed somewhere in the world, even if it wasn't with us.
...
I silently closed the door behind me as Naomi and I took off our shoes.
We had just finished having dinner and honestly, it was a struggle.
Not because I was sad or anything, but because I couldn't keep my eyes off her.
Naomi leaned her head against my shoulder as we stood there, letting the waves brush our feet.
Her red dress looked absolutely stunning.
It hugged her in all the right places, and exposed her in a way that I made me struggle control myself.
Everytime she spoke or leaned forward to sip her wine, I completely forgot how to function.
Words? Gone.
Thoughts? Scattered.
And the way she kept licking her lips?
Slow.
Purposefully.
Like she knew exactly what she was doing, but didn't at the same time.
Fuck me.
Wiping off the juice from her steak like it was some kind of performance meant just for me.
I had to shift in my seat.
Adjust.
Look away.
Pray.
But even then, she laughed at something I said, tilting her head back, her fingers brushing down the side of her neck like she was daring me to lose it.
And God help me, I was dangerously close.
I was supposed to be relaxed, enjoying vacation.
Instead, I was in hell.
The kind of hell that smelled like vanilla, wore red silk, and sat across from me licking steak sauce off her bottom lip.
I can't even recall what the hell I ordered.
All I could remember was her?
"Nathaniel!" She shouted with a glare which brought me back to reality.
"What?" I asked, feeling lost.
She rolled her eyes before storming away.
Shit.
"Nae, don't be like that," I said, chasing behind her to the bedroom.
She was already halfway in, unzipping her dress with way more force than necessary.
"Naomi."
"You haven't listened to a word I said all tonight," she said with frustration in her tone and she threw her dress on the bed. "Could you at least pretend to listen when I'm talking?"
I ran a hand down my face. "I was listening."
"Really?" She quickly shot back over her shoulder, now standing in just her bra and panties.
That's not helpful at all.
"What did I just say then?" She questioned me and I was speechless.
My mind raced, trying to piece together anything from the last few minutes.
"You said that dinner was great," I came up with an answer based on my knowledge of her.
She clenched her jaw before throwing on my t-shirt and storming out the bedroom.
The door didn't slam. She didn't yell.
But that silence? That disappointment?
It cut deeper than any argument ever could.
I sat down on the edge of the bed, dragging my hands down my face, feeling the full weight of the moment settle in my chest.
I messed up.
And the worst part? She was trying really hard.
I glanced at my suitcase then opened it.
I'd bought it from a local vendor on my way back from my morning jog.
A necklace.
Nothing flashy, just a simple silver chain with a shark charm on it.
It would seem meaningless if I gave it to anyone, but it was perfect for Naomi.
She's my shark.
She's my storm in stilettos.
I grabbed the little velvet box before making my way outside.
She was curled up on the balcony chair with her knees to her chest as she stared at the night sky.
When she saw me, she immediately sighed before getting up.
I grabbed her waist, stopping her from walking away.
"Let go, I don't want to see you right now," she advised un a lethal tone.
I didn't listen.
Instead, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against me tightly.
I didn't let go, not even when she pushed against my chest.
"Nate," she growled, trying to twist free. "I'm not one of legal aid cases."
I only held her tighter, locking my arms around her waist.
"Do you think I stay quiet all night trying not to think of ways I can fuck my legal aid cases?" I shot back.
"Do you think the only reason I ignore them is because I can't stop thinking how much love them?"
She stilled.
"I don't lose focus in court because of them."
"I don't dream about them, Naomi."
"I don't wake up craving the sound of their voice, or the way they roll their eyes, or how they make me feel like I'm home."
I felt her breath hitch against me.
"You're not one of them," I said, softer now. "You've never been one of them."
I loosened my grip from around her before reaching to my pocket and pulling out the small box.
Her eye dropped to it, but she didn't move.
I opened it gently, revealing the chain.
Before she could say anything, I stepped behind her and placed the shark charm against her chest before clasping it behind her neck.
"You're my shark," I said quietly. "And I'm sorry I didn't act like I saw you. But I do. I always do."
She gave me a hard look before looking down at the charm and holding it.
Her lips parted, just barely.
"I'm fucked," she muttered under her breath, like she hadn't meant to say it out loud.
I blinked. "What?"
She shook her head, still staring at the necklace.
"You piss me off, Nathaniel. You don't listen. You get under my skin like no one else..."
She looked up again, eyes sharper now, but not angry, just honest.
"But then you say shit like that and do shit like this and I'm standing here letting you put a damn shark around my neck like I'm not already gone for you."
A small, crooked smile pulled at the corner of my mouth. "So... that's a yes to making out like we're in some romance movie?"
She rolled her eyes before walking away. "Fuck you, Nate."