39|Nightmares
FOUR WEEKS LATER
I was six.
It was dark outside, but the light in the hallway was still on.
I'd woken up because I heard something.
Voices.
Not the TV.
Not the usual kind of talking.
This was... sharp. Fast. Grown-up angry.
I got out of bed and padded down the hallway, dragging my stuffed dinosaur by the tail.
My dad was on a business trip and appointed me the temporary man of the house.
The carpet felt cold.
Mom was yelling.
"Get out of my house!" she screamed.
Then something crashed like glass or wood, I couldn't tell.
It was loud.
My was heart beating so fast it made my chest hurt.
I crept closer, toward the living room, the door open just a crack.
And I saw them.
My mom and a man I didn't know.
He was close to her, too close.
She looked mad, her hands pushed against his chest like she was trying to shove him away.
Then she turned a little, and I saw her face wet with tears, or maybe sweat.
Maybe both.
He grabbed her arm.
She stumbled.
"I'm sorry, Nathaniel," he said before the gun went off.
That's it.
That's all I saw before I backed up too fast and hit the wall.
Something in the kitchen clattered when I did.
The man turned to me.
Then he just stood there, looking at me.
Not surprised. Not angry.
Just... cold.
Blank.
And that's when I ran.
I screamed, too, but I couldn't remember if the sound ever came out.
That was the last time I saw her alive.
And for years, I remembered it one way:
He hurt her.
He killed her.
He took her from me.
...
I jolted awake, my heart pounding like it was trying to break free from my chest.
For a moment, the darkness of the room wrapped around me like a suffocating blanket, and I wasn't sure where I was.
Then I saw Naomi sleeping beside me peaceful, warm and extremely pretty.
Then the nightmare crashed back into me.
The voices.
The crash.
The man.
Mom's face.
It's time for a drink, Nate.
One pill.
One minute to take the edge off.
I swallowed hard, as I forced myself I quickly put on my sweats and sneakers.
My heart was pounding, but not from the nightmare anymore.
It was from the fight I was having with myself.
I grabbed my keys rushed out the house before I could change my mind.
I didn't even bother to grab my phone.
I took off down the block, and ran until I found myself at the gym.
Working out helps.
It's distracting and all I need right now is a distraction.
...
After while of sitting in the driveway, I finally got out of the car and made my way back home.
My shirt clung to me, soaked in sweat.
My legs ached, lungs burned, and my head throbbed, but it was quieter now.
Not peaceful.
Just... less loud.
The sun had already risen and I soaked that in before opening the door.
I was immediately met by Naomi in her pantsuit, looking like the elite lawyer she is.
"Nate, are you okay?" She asked as she rushed to me. "When I woke up you weren't there."
"Mmhmm," I nodded as I headed to the kitchen for water. "Morning jog."
"Okay," she muttered, completely distracted as she typed on her phone.
Her phone started to ring and she rolled her eyes. "Shit, it's Kate. I gotta go."
"I love you," she kissed me on the cheek.
"I love you more," I gave her a soft smile before she rushed out.
When she was gone, I exhaled loudly.
I can't do this anymore.
This is the fourth time this happened since Naomi and I got back from our weekend trip.
My mother needs justice.
I feel like I'm letting her down.
Day by day, I bring justice to people, but I can't even do that for my own mother?
What kind of son am I?
...
"Thank you," I muttered to Jessica as she brought me my third cup of coffee for the day.
My mind had been all over the place, but it was finally time for me to focus on the Perez case.
"Boss, you should take a break and have lunch," Jessica mumbled in the background. "I've already ordered something."
I didn't look up.
My eyes stayed locked on the Perez file, its pages already worn from how many times I'd gone over them.
The coffee was more habit than need.
I was running on pure adrenaline now feeling wired, alert, and locked in.
Every timeline.
Every witness statement.
Every deviation in testimony.
I'd memorized it all, but still, I combed through it like I hadn't.
Some people may think this is an unhealthy and obsessive way to work, but I win every time don't I?
Jessica sighed. "I don't even know why I try."
I jotted a quick note in the margin, then turned to the autopsy report again.
The victim's injuries didn't match the statement from Perez.
Which meant he was lying.
My lips twitched slightly.
There it was.
I leaned back, just a little, running my tongue along the inside of my cheek.
Breaks were for people who needed them.
I didn't.
I had momentum. I had clarity.
And I was getting closer.
The door opened again and this time, I couldn't ignore the voice that followed.
"Hello, old friend."
Kate.
What the hell is she doing here?
She uninvitedly took a few steps inside like she belonged here.
"This is a government office," I said flatly, not lifting my eyes from the file. "You lost?"
"No," she said lifting before sitting in front of me. "Just thought I'd stop by."
I finally closed the file before giving her the attention she was begging for.
"Well you did, so you can leave now."
"Jeez, why are you and Naomi so cold?" She asked.
"You betrayed her," I said. "What kind of best friend does that?"
She rolled her eyes. "I was being competitive. I don't have everyone sucking my dick like you do."
I leaned back in my chair. "The fuck that's supposed to mean?"
She gave me a smug look.
"It means people bend over backwards for you. Professors, judges, the damn jury."
"Even Russell Kane and Harris Whitman," she ended.
I clenched my jaw as I watched her.
"Yeah, I know," she proudly said.
I slowly stood up. "You don't know shit."
She smiled.
"Please," she laughed. "You think Kane & Whitman just happened to reconsider Naomi for partner after I got it?"
"You made them," she said. "Russell told me."
I didn't respond.
Her smile, widened. "She doesn't know, does she?"
I stepped around the desk, close enough to make the air shift. "Don't."
"What?" she whispered, feigning innocence. "You afraid she'll be pissed you played hero behind her back again?"
"I didn't do it for credit," I said coldly. "I did it because my wife deserved it. More than you ever did."
Kate's face twisted slightly, but she kept the mask on.
"She told you not to interfere, didn't she?" she laughed. "And you still did."
I held her gaze, unflinching. "I'd do it again."
Kate tilted her head, almost admiring the audacity. "So when's the truth gonna come out?"
"When I want it to," I said, sitting back in my seat.
"It's going to crush her when she finds out," she stated the obvious. "She's going to hate you."
I stayed quiet as I opened the Perez file again.
"She seems so happy at work lately," she continued on, actually making me feel guilty. "I would hate to see her sad again all because you couldn't stop yourself from interfering in her life."
I clenched my jaw.
She walked around my desk.
"Maybe you can clean this mess," she said. "But you'll owe me."
"I'm not owing you shit," I said.
"Sex, Nate. I want you," she said bluntly, eyes locked on mine. "One night. You give me that... and I will never breathe a word to Naomi."
I stared at her, dead silent.
Shocked.
"You really are desperate," I said, voice like ice. "Is this how you win now? Threats and pity fucks?"
She shrugged shamelessly. "I win however I have to."
I scoffed. "You really think I'd betray the love of my life to protect myself?"
"I think," she said, leaning forward, "you'd do it to protect her. From the truth."
"I'd rather risk Naomi hating me forever than touching you," I said bitterly. "Get out of my office."
"Suit yourself," she said, walking toward the door. "But secrets like this? They always come out. One way or another."
She opened the door.
"And when she finds out," she added over her shoulder, "don't expect her to thank you for protecting her."
Then she was gone.