Chapter 35 #2
“Yes, I do. You want answers and I’m giving them to you. I need you to know why I’m like this.”
Ace just nodded, running his hands up and down in the same pattern that always seemed to soothe her.
A few more moments of silence stretched between them before Joy continued.
“When I was 15, this boy lied and told his friends he fucked me. It got back to his girlfriend and she and her friends jumped me. I’d been training for a few years at that point so I knew how to fight but... there were four of them.”
“Daddy was so pissed,” she huffed out a hollow laugh.
“He said, ‘not only did you let those bitches beat yo ass but you let that nigga lie on you and tarnish your name. What you gon’ do, Joy? Cause no solider of mine would let that shit slide. Handle yo business’,” she said, hardening her voice as she quoted him again.
Ace couldn’t help but notice how similar Byron and Zachariah sounded. He knew exactly what it was like to grow up with a legacy placed on him that was too large for young shoulders.
To have your softness and childhood ripped from you for the sake of power.
Joy exhaled and continued.
“The next day, I beat them all up then found the boy and whooped his ass too. They all ended up in the hospital. Daddy had to pay off their parents to keep them from pressing charges on me.”
She paused.
“I guess now that I think about it, that’s what made what he did so...confusing. So hurtful. He’d always encouraged me to be...this. He always protected me and now...” she trailed off.
She shook her head, as if clearing her mind to get back on track then after a few moments hesitation, she continued.
Ace’s chest tightened. Dread coiled within him as he anticipated what she’d say next.
“Instead of saying good job…” she continued, voice quieter now, “He put me in the ring with five of his associates’ sons.”
Ace stilled, then his arms tightened around her.
“He woke me up out of my sleep, dragged me out of bed, threw me in the ring and made me defend myself. Obviously, I was losing bad at first.”
Ace felt her smile against his chest as he fought to contain his anger.
“I mean, it was five boys, ranging from like sixteen to nineteen versus one fifteen year old girl.”
She swallowed.
“They didn’t hold back and when I realized my daddy wasn’t gonna stop it...something snapped. It’s like my body knew no one was coming to save me, so I went into fight or flight mode and I just...blacked out.”
She exhaled a deep breath and only then did Ace realize he was holding his.
“One minute I was guarding my face and the next, my dad was shaking my shoulders, telling me to breathe. There were five bloody bodies laying behind him.”
“Fuck, Rose,” Ace groaned. He couldn’t imagine how scared she was. How helpless she must have felt to lose control that way.
He wished he could go back in time, just to fight beside her.
“They lived,” she added quickly. “I broke some bones but... they were fine.”
She was silent for a beat. “I didn’t sleep at all that night, though.” Her voice softened. “I couldn't remember what I’d done and that shit scared me.”
She shook her head. “My dad didn’t comfort me after the black out. He just looked at me like he’d found a shiny new toy. Like a cheat code he’d just unlocked.”
Ace’s hand came up to cradle the back of her head, pressing her closer to him. Still silent, but making his presence known.
“You know what they started calling me after that?” she sniffled.
“What?” Ace rasped.
“’Lil Demon,” she huffed. “I wore that shit like a badge of honor too.”
He felt the dampness of a tear through the material of his shirt. In that moment, he began counting.
Each tear would be a bullet he put in the people who’d done this to her, he vowed.
“I was 21 when my dad arranged a marriage for me,” her tone was flatter now as she pushed the emotion away and began disassociating into the past once again.
“An old associate of his who was doing the same thing as him. Grooming his son for power. They said we would make a powerful couple. The strongest of our two stocks merging, like they were breeding fucking cattle,” she said with a bitter laugh.
“I wasn’t really on board at first. I wasn’t under the impression I’d marry for love but Jermaine just didn’t seem like a right fit.
“When I told my dad that, he said that love was overrated. That it came and went but power lasted forever when established on solid ground. I didn’t push back on it anymore.
If he said that this was a necessary step for the foundation of what we were building, then so be it,” she shrugged.
“Ole dude was kind to me and he wasn’t hard on the eyes.
He was going to be running for office and needed someone at his side that could navigate both worlds.
Someone who was equally successful and equally ruthless.
That nigga wasn’t my equal, though. I knew it.
My daddy knew it. Hell, even he knew it. ”
She smirked faintly. “The king can only make certain moves, princess but the queen can go wherever the fuck she pleases. She holds the real power. You just need to play the game and the world is at your fingertips,” she quoted.
“It was cool for a while but… just like my daddy was in my ear, his daddy was in his. He didn’t want an equal, he wanted a trophy wife that turned into an attack dog when he gave the command. He wanted control and when it wasn’t given, he took it.”
Ace’s fingers flexed slightly against her back. No tears had fallen but he tallied more bullets anyway.
“It started small,” she continued. “Grabbing. Shoving. Digging his nails into my thigh under the table. Yelling...I let it slide to keep the peace. To play the game.”
“But one night...We had dinner with the Attorney General and his wife. We were talking about one of his cases and he cited the wrong Supreme Court case as precedent. I corrected him, as nicely as I could for a man with a fragile ego, and the General was so impressed that I hadn’t even graduated law school yet. ”
Ace knew the direction this story was going and his jaw clenched.
She sighed. “Apparently, I embarrassed him and when we got home we argued and argued and he used his intimidation tactics but I couldn’t back down. It wasn’t my fault he felt as inadequate as he was. I told him that and the next thing I knew, he’d socked me in my mouth.”
She chuckled. “We tussled like two niggas on the street that night. And then it happened again. And again. Until the bruises I was covering weren't from my training but from him.”
“Did you tell your dad?” Ace asked.
His father and grandfather valued the legacy but they’d never make April marry a man who abused her, no matter how strong or capable she was.
Joy laughed. “Yeah, I told him. He told me that queens sacrifice for the good of the kingdom. That sometimes the price of greatness is a little discomfort.”
Ace couldn’t help but breathe out a disbelieving huff. He was holding Joy so tight now, he was surprised she could breathe. So many things were starting to make sense to Ace. He’d been given fragments but now, the pieces of her were starting to make a full picture.
“The night of our rehearsal dinner, we got into another fight but this time...” her breath hitched. “This time was different. He choked me. Like really choking the life out of me and I saw in his eyes that if I didn’t do anything, this nigga would kill me …And I blacked out again.”
Silence stretched longer this time. Ace didn’t move and Joy didn’t speak.
“I don’t even remember doing it,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “When I came to, he was laying under me with the heel of my pump lodged in his chest.”
Ace’s eyes bulged but he didn’t voice his surprise. “Did you kill him?” he asked quietly.
“No…” she sighed. “But I wish I had.”
She said it with such sincerity, Ace caught a chill.
She sniffed as she sat up, extracting herself from his hold. She brushed her hands down her face, swiped away the dampness under her eyes, and pushed her hair out of her face.
Ace watched her transform right before him, steeling herself against the memories and the emotions she wasn’t allowed to have. She was silent for a few moments as she got herself together.
When she spoke again, her voice was hard. There was no tremble or whisper. The sadness was gone and in its place was the fire he knew and loved.
She cleared her throat. “Anyway,” she said. “They sent me to a psych facility for nine months… When I got out, my daddy had replaced me.”
“He called me a liability and demoted me to a hitter,” Joy scoffed bitterly. “I snapped again...” she paused.
“This time I’d cut off the hand of the nigga who took my spot,” she said with a casual shrug. All walls were lowered. All masks were gone. She didn’t try to shield her darkness from Ace anymore as she spoke with pure rage written all over her face.
“He kicked me out.” She snapped her fingers. “Just like that. Looked at me like an expendable pawn rather than his princess. His daughter.
“I spent my whole life being exactly who he asked me to be, doing exactly what he asked me to do, just for him to decide that the things he taught me are exactly what made me unworthy of loving or keeping anymore.”
Ace swallowed around the lump in his throat as she finally raised her eyes to make contact with his.
“He told me…” she started, her voice cracking as a sob fought to break free.
Ace reached for her, taking her hand in his.
“He told me to go far away before I ruined his legacy or... he’d let them kill me. ”
What the fuck, Ace thought.
Heavy silence hung between them as Ace processed everything he’d heard.
Joy stared down, unable to meet Ace’s eyes.
“You probably think I’m a psycho monster now, right?” she asked.
Ace’s hand came up, gripping her chin gently but firmly, lifting her face to his.
“Is that what you think I see when I look at you?”
Joy shrugged. “What else is there?”
“If you’re a monster, then I’m a monster too, because I think you’re fucking perfect, Joy.”
“You do?”