4. Harmony
HARMONY
Something feels off.
At first I tell myself it’s stress. The last week has been an emotional whirlwind, and it would make perfect sense if my body was reacting to that.
Then coffee starts making my stomach turn, even though I’ve started every morning with coffee since college.
Two days later, I wake up feeling vaguely nauseous for no reason at all.
I still don’t think much of it.
Then I realize my period is late. Not by much. But I’m never late.
I spend the entire day doing mental math I don’t want to do. Maybe I’m remembering wrong. Maybe stress threw everything off. Maybe traveling home did. Maybe quitting my job did. There are a hundred perfectly reasonable explanations, and I cling to every single one of them.
Still, I stop at the drugstore on the way home.
Buying a pregnancy test feels strangely embarrassing, even though the cashier barely glances at what I’m carrying. Ten minutes later I’m standing in my parents’ upstairs bathroom staring at the unopened box on the counter, wondering how my life led here.
This is ridiculous. It’s going to be negative. Of course it’s going to be negative.
Lucas and I slept together once.
People don’t get pregnant from one night.
I mean, technically, they can, but…
I tear open the box.
A minute later, I set the test on the bathroom counter exactly the way the instructions tell me to and force myself to stand back and let it do its thing. While I wait, I pace the bathroom, unable to stand still.
If it’s negative, I’ll laugh at myself.
If it’s positive...
It isn’t going to be positive.
It can’t be.
I only came home a few weeks ago. I just got my life back. Lucas and I already agreed to stick to being just friends. This can’t happen. It just can’t.
The timer on my phone chimes. My stomach drops.
For one painfully long minute, I stare at the test without moving. Then I force myself closer, and look down.
Everything inside me stops.