Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Tucker
Fuck, I hate this.
It felt good to save the day for Penny, but Kate’s gratitude and praise were almost too much to handle. I wanted to sweep her up in my arms, but I can’t do that. I’m still leaving, and I need to start putting a little distance between us, now. That’s the smart thing to do, right?
Smart, but tortuous.
“J.T., you’re up.”
I snap out of my thoughts as I stand and grab my ball from the return rack. I honestly thought this whole bowling thing would be canceled after the events of the morning, but Penny insisted we come while she and the girls kept their nail appointment.
Trying my best to concentrate, I wind up and walk forward, releasing the ball a second too late. It veers left, landing in the gutter with a bang just a few feet down the lane. Sighing, I turn to see Logan and Sam trying to suppress their laughter. I offer them a saccharine smile, and Logan’s laughter fades as I give him my back to wait for my ball so I can take my second shot.
This is such bullshit. I should be having a blast. My best friend is getting married, I was able to find a fix for the tragedy with the dress earlier, and I spent nearly twenty-four hours in bed with a beautiful, sexy-as-hell woman. I should be on top of the world right now.
But I don’t really want to be here, at all. Not in this bowling alley, pretending to have fun, anyway. I should be off by myself somewhere. Somewhere I could think. Make what could possibly be a life-altering decision.
This week was supposed to be relaxing. Easy. A much-needed break from the daily grind.
But here I am, tearing myself apart with indecision over Kate. I know she noticed things were off between us earlier. I didn’t want to hold myself apart from her, but I had to. I needed that distance to get my head on straight. To remember the rules I insisted on before we became intimate.
No strings. No attachments, at all. A few days of fun, then it’s over.
And the hell of it all is, Kate seems perfectly content to abide by those rules. I’m the one who’s having second thoughts, wishing I’d never made those stipulations. I’m the one who’s developed feelings and is dreading saying goodbye.
But to what end? I have to leave. I don’t live here. Kate does.
Long distance relationships don’t work, and even if we could make it, what would be the point? The end game? I’d never ask her to leave her life here, and I can’t leave San Francisco. I have an entire company, not to mention my father, depending on me.
Heaving another sigh, I throw my second shot. This one stays on the lane, but skirts the edge all the way down, only taking down the ten pin. Huffing out a breath, I stalk over to the bench seat in front of our lane and throw myself onto it.
Instead of continuing the game, the guys come over and flank me on either side, both their gazes filled with concern.
“What’s going on with you, J.T.?” Sam asks. “You saved the day earlier. Literally. You should be over the moon.”
Before I can answer, Logan barks out a laugh. “He messed around and fell in love with Kate.”
“Logan,” I say in a low growl.
I never said anything about love , and why is he telling Sam? I told him what I’ve been agonizing over in strict confidence.
“Relax. He won’t say anything, will you, Sam?”
“I’m a steel vault,” Sam agrees, making a zipping motion along his lips. “And Kate’s a great girl. I could see you two together.”
“I’m not in love with her,” I argue, but the words ring false, and there’s a pinch in my chest I can’t explain. Ignoring the feeling, I go on. “I’ve only known her a few days.”
Sam grins, saying, “There’s no hard and fast timeline on matters of the heart. My parents knew each other for four days before they got married, and they’re still going strong thirty-two years later. ”
I shake my head. “This is different. Even if it were love––and I’m not saying it is––we can’t be together.”
“Why not?” Sam asks.
“Because he lives in San Francisco,” Logan offers. “And he’ll never ask Kate to leave her life here to be with him.”
“So, you move here. Problem, solved,” Sam says like it’s a fait-accompli.
“It’s not that easy,” I say. “My father gave me the company. He and all of our employees depend on me to steer the ship. I have to be there to do that.”
But do I really? I push the thought away. Of course, I do. My job is not one that can be telecommuted.
“Love always finds a way,” Sam says with a touch of melodrama, then chuckles.
I know he’s joking, but his words ignite a spark in my chest. Could we find a way to make it work?
No. Even if my feelings for Kate are muddled with confusion, she’s not in love with me . That much, I know. And even if she thinks she is, how would I know it’s real and not just some emotional attachment because I was her first?
I can’t use that as an argument right now, though, because Sam doesn’t know about that. But Logan does, and he seems to read my thoughts, because he shakes his head.
“You should talk to her. Ask her how she feels, and trust that she knows her own heart,” my best friend says, giving me a clap on the back before standing to go take his turn on the lane.
“He’s right,” Sam says. “Kate is a smart woman, and an honest one, too. She’ll tell you the truth, and when she wants something, she makes it happen.”
I nod, indicating that I’ll think about it, and Sam returns the gesture before pushing himself up to go watch Logan bowl. Left alone with my thoughts for the moment, I swallow thickly as I think about what they said.
Should I tell Kate what I’m feeling? And if she feels the same, could we really make it work?
I’m leaving, regardless, so what do I have to lose?