Chapter 22
The next day, after waking alone, that same sense of screwing everything up washed over Milly as soon as she opened her eyes.
She rolled over, pulling the pillow over her head, wishing she could force the thoughts out with her hands, but she couldn’t.
The only thing she could do was get up and get the day started.
After all, the city-wide cooking festival was now over, so if she wanted to, if Theo gave her some encouragement and not the fear-filled look he’d given her yesterday, she could even tell him how she felt.
She got up and dressed, and after posting some of her own videos and responding to more lovely messages from her own community, congratulating her on the cooking festival and asking if she worked with other businesses, Milly sat back, taking a moment to think about their success.
Her notebook lay next to her on the small kitchen table, and she ran her fingers over the cover.
A text from her mum arrived. Since her last conversation with Ada, an idea had been growing in her mind when it came to her mum and their relationship.
As she glanced at the notebook once more and then again at her phone, she decided that if she could be brave enough to tell Theo how she felt, she was brave enough to have the conversation with her mum she’d been thinking of.
One she’d been putting off for years. One that she knew would be difficult, but hoped would ultimately bring them closer, back to how they’d been after her dad had walked out.
They’d banded together then and she wanted that closeness with her mum again, a stronger connection that didn’t have the baggage their current one had.
Taking her phone from her pocket, she sat in the empty kitchen and video-called, her heart thumping. Her mum answered quickly.
‘Hello, darling.’
‘Hi, Mum.’
‘Is everything all right?’
What she was going to say might hurt her. She had to handle it sensitively because at the end of the day, there wasn’t a manual for raising children and Milly knew her mum had always done her best, but it was time she started really living. She took a deep breath.
‘Mum, have you got time to talk?’
Jane’s shoulders stiffened, sensing something was wrong. ‘I’ll just sit down.’ Milly watched the house pass by in the background as she moved to the kitchen and sat at the small white kitchen table. ‘So what’s bothering you?’
Milly could see how nervous her mum was, how uneasy, and though it hurt her to have to do this, she knew it would be better if she did. ‘Mum, do you remember when I had my accident?’
‘Remember? How could I ever forget? Even now those moments are seared into my brain like they were yesterday.’ She took a sip of her tea, holding the cup with an unsteady hand.
‘Well—’ Milly hadn’t really thought any further than this opening gambit and struggled to find the words to continue. She had to power through though; things would be so much better for both of them if they finally talked about it. ‘I know that it was really hard on you.’
‘Harder on you, darling, but you coped brilliantly.’
‘Thanks.’ Milly took a deep breath, not knowing how her mum would respond to what she had to say next.
‘Mum, do you remember I had counselling after it happened? Well, I wonder if some counselling might be useful for you too. I remember you didn’t have any at the time and I think it could be help you deal with some things. ’
‘What things?’ She shook her head. ‘It was years ago, darling. I’m fine!’ She pushed a hand back into her short grey hair, fiddling with a piece sitting over her ear.
‘No, Mum. I think there might be some feelings that it could be helpful to deal with. After the accident, I get that all you wanted was to keep me safe. To be honest, I did too, but I kind of feel like, you always want me to be safe. Even now. You want me to take the safest option in everything and – and I can’t always do that anymore. ’
Her mum stayed silent and Milly continued, hoping she was finding the right words.
‘I just think, Mum, that everything we went through back then was so hard and you were so busy looking after me, helping me and supporting me, you maybe didn’t get the support you needed, especially after Dad left us.
I can’t imagine how that must have felt.
’ Her mum sniffed and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
‘We all have wounds from the things that hurt us, and you helped me to heal mine. I just wonder if it’s time you did the same thing for yourself.
Wouldn’t you like to not worry about me so much? It must be exhausting.’
‘I do think about you a lot,’ Jane conceded. ‘Probably more than most mums of grown-ups do. I have tried not to, but this worry just seems to lurk inside me all the time.’
Milly wished she was there, able to reach out and cover her mum’s clasped hands, gripping them tightly with her own.
‘I think talking to someone about what happened, and the feelings you still have about it could really help. And I’m happy to help you find someone you like and connect with, so it doesn’t feel weird and difficult.
I’ll be there to support you, Mum, just like you’ve always been there for me. ’
Tears welled in both their eyes and Milly now wiped at her cheeks too.
‘All right then,’ her mum said, and Milly wished she could reach out and hug her. ‘I do know deep down that I worry too much. This whole Tom thing made me realise that. All I want is for you to be happy.’
‘I want you to be happy too, Mum. You deserve it.’
Despite the deep ache in her heart, it felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
She knew nothing was magically fixed. That her mum would continue to worry and fuss for a while at least. But they’d both be able to talk about it openly and work through it, so it no longer drove a wedge between them.
Her mum suddenly chuckled and looked at the screen. ‘I was so worried you were about to say you were going moving to Copenhagen!’
Milly froze, unsure what to say or do. This had been more than enough for one conversation, and she still needed to speak to Theo, to tell him how she felt. Nothing was certain until she’d done that. Panicking, she ostentatiously swiped at her phone, pretending to check the time.
‘Mum, I’m so sorry, I have to go. I’m late for something.’
‘All right, darling. Let’s talk later and I’ll have a think about what you’ve said.’
‘Thank you. I love you.’
‘Love you too.’
Milly sat back and closed her eyes, allowing her breath to settle, her heart rate to slow.
She began checking her emails, her social media, just to occupy her mind.
She opened Instagram to see that Nikoletta had just posted a video about the café.
She began watching but after the first thirty seconds, she stood, wanting to see the rest of it with Theo.
She rushed to the café feeling good. The call with her mum had gone better than expected and the start of Nikoletta’s video was so positive, she couldn’t wait to see more.
Her legs almost couldn’t keep up with how quickly she was walking and twice she nearly twisted her ankle on the uneven cobblestones, but nothing would slow her down.
Her own social media following was still going from strength to strength, but where Nikoletta had tagged her too, she was seeing even more growth on her personal channels and on the café’s ones.
This was so exciting for them both. She couldn’t wait to see Theo’s reaction.
They’d worked so hard together on this, she wanted them to share this moment and for him to be proud of himself for everything they’d achieved.
In the warmth of the day, sweat began to form at her temples but she pushed on through the gathering crowds at Copenhagen’s poster spot, excitement growing with every step.
As she arrived at the café, it was to see it busy with customers. Theo smiled and she wondered if her worries about the day before were all in her head. His easy lopsided grin didn’t hold any tension or worry. It was the one she knew and loved. Had she imagined his panic at the fateful moment?
‘It’s so busy!’ she said as she walked in, peering at the contented customers.
Theo was, as usual, wiping his counter down after serving someone, and Milly went around to show him Nikoletta’s post in as much privacy as they could manage.
‘It’s been a good morning so far.’ He kissed her temple, and Milly lingered in the feeling of his mouth on her skin.
She’d missed it last night. She’d missed him, her bed feeling empty where he was absent.
But now he seemed back to his usual self so perhaps she’d been worrying over nothing, and he’d just been worn out after their busy day.
‘Look, I have something to show you.’ She swiped at her phone and played Nikoletta’s post. It was too quiet at first with the din of the café in the background.
Milly turned up the volume just loud enough for them to hear and snuggled in closer to Theo.
His arm wrapped around her, his hand settling at her waist.
‘So, guys, yesterday I teased you about my new favourite place in Copenhagen, well here’s some more details.
’ As the video played showing the canal and the boat, Nikoletta talked about where the café was, calling it a hidden gem in a well-known area and saying how incredibly unique and tasty the food was.
‘And the hosts!’ she continued, smiling into camera as she walked along talking.
‘Oh my God, they were adorable. Talk about chemistry! It was a hot day, but man, they made it even hotter! It was almost better than the food seeing these two lovebirds talk to each other and work together so effortlessly. Come for the food but stay for the romance, yeah? So if you like dinner and a show – or in this case – pastry and a show, make sure you come to Lykke in Nyhavn. Bye for now, guys! And check out my written review in Foodie! The online magazine for foodie lovers everywhere.’
Beside her Theo stiffened and it was as though he’d turned to ice.
‘Isn’t it great?’ she asked, glancing at him to see his jaw set, tension radiating off him. ‘She said it was a hidden gem and that the food was amazing.’
Without speaking, Theo moved away from her, immediately starting to clean the already spotless surfaces.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, confusion pulling her brow into tight lines. ‘Aren’t you happy?’
While she knew Theo was a private man and that he might not like someone talking about his personal life on socials, she hadn’t thought it would be this big a deal, but nothing else could have caused this reaction.
‘No, I’m not happy,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘She’s made my food – my café – a laughingstock. Dinner and a show? People won’t come here to try my food, they’ll come to watch us – to laugh at us.’
‘No they won’t. Of course they won’t.’ She stepped away from the tiny space, feeling the need to put some distance between them. ‘They’ll come for the food. Those things didn’t mean anything. Not really. And is it such a bad thing she said that?’
‘Of course it is!’
Hurt began to pulse inside her. Why was he focusing so intently on those silly throwaway comments and not on the wonderful things Nikoletta had said?
As well as complimenting his food, she’d said what a beautiful café it was both above and below deck.
She’d said that she couldn’t wait for them to explore the secret dining idea because that would blow people away.
Nikoletta had helped them in so many ways, yet he was what …
embarrassed? By her? By their feelings for each other?
Her love for him? Sick swirled in her stomach at the thought.
‘Theo,’ she said, trying to keep her voice low so they didn’t make any more of a spectacle of themselves in front of the customers. ‘Why has this upset you so much? Out of everything she’s said you’re focusing on the wrong thing.’
‘My personal life is not for anyone else to comment on.’ His voice had risen, and a few customers looked over.
Both Milly and Theo smiled thinly before he spoke again, this time his voice low and loaded.
‘It’s embarrassing. Humiliating. We should have remained more professional instead of laughing and joking together. ’
‘There’s nothing wrong with how we communicate, Theo.
We are seeing each other, aren’t we?’ He didn’t answer and her brain rushed to only one conclusion.
One that was so painful she could barely get the words out.
‘Did you not see this as a relationship?’ A sharp pain stabbed through her ribs.
‘Or are you embarrassed about us? About me? About being with me?’
‘When it’s posted all over social media, yes! I am embarrassed!’
Milly stepped back as if she’d been punched in the stomach, almost sending the cups clattering to the floor just as she had when she’d arrived. Pain tore at her heart. She could feel its claws slicing through the tissue, ripping it open, and humiliation rose like bile up into her throat.
Theo finally looked at her, and she could see the pain and hurt on his face just as he undoubtedly could on hers. ‘Milly …’
The background noise of the café filled the heavy, loaded silence between them.
She prayed he’d speak quickly and apologise.
She thought about speaking herself but what could she say to that?
What could she say that would unwind these last few months, stop them before he said one of the most hurtful things she’d ever heard in her life?
There was nothing and, as the silence remained, she turned away, forcing the tears from her eyes and staring at the floor.
She was vaguely aware of a customer coming in, but instead of saying any more to her, Theo turned and greeted them.
His voice was thick as he spoke. ‘Hej. What can I get you?’
‘Umm … nothing I … hello, Milly.’
Milly spun. Her already racing heart speeding up further as her breath spasmed in her lungs.
It couldn’t be. There was no way that what she was seeing was actually real.
She adjusted her glasses, pushing them up the bridge of her nose as if that would ensure what was in front of her was actual reality.
She felt dizzy, light-headed from the emotions rocketing through her, and her lungs refusing to work properly.
She wanted to cry, scream and run all at the same time.
As her eyes focused, she forced the words out of her mouth, her voice breaking and cracking as she spoke, her mind processing something she simply couldn’t believe.
‘Tom? What are you doing here?’