Chapter Twenty-Two
Aurelia
We lie there for ages, gradually sinking back into the pillows as we finish off the dish of Tiramisu. I feel relaxed and happy, and the stress of the evening before in Auckland seems a long way away.
When the dish is clean, I take it out into the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher while he turns out the lights and checks all the locks. When he’s happy we’re secure, we return to the bedroom and close the door.
We brush our teeth standing at the sink, smiling at each other in the mirror, and then get into bed. Luke draws me toward him, and I snuggle up, loving the feel of his strong arms around me. His heart thuds against my breasts, and his breath whispers across my forehead.
It’s relatively early, but I feel really tired, and I’m glad that he seems happy to go to sleep.
We lie there in the darkness, listening to the rain, not saying much, not because we don’t have anything to say, but because neither of us wants to spoil the mood by talking about yesterday.
And I think we’re both unsure what to say about our declaration to each other.
He’s in love with me. And he said it first, so it wasn’t as if he only said it because I did.
I think about all those months we’ve been so close to one another; all the times he’s kept me safe.
I know it was his job, but it fills me with warmth to think of him looking after me.
At the time, I saw it as someone else trying to control me, but I feel differently now.
It wasn’t the same as when I was with Dom, who wanted to control which friends I saw, what I ate, and what happened in the bedroom. I shudder to think about it now.
Sex with Luke was so different… part of me can’t believe I was that brave or bold, but I guess I knew what he needed and enjoyed being there for him.
There are so many ways of expressing love, I think drowsily as I begin to enter the no-man’s land between waking and sleeping. I’m sure Penny loved Luke, and Dom loved me, but their past experiences made them reluctant to give up control, and in the process, they drove us away.
Luke kisses my hair, and my lips curve up in the darkness. We’ve a long way to go… but oddly, I feel as if I’ve come home.
*
Some hours later, I jerk awake, completely disoriented. The crack in the curtains reveals a faint glow of starlight, which makes the furniture stand out as unfamiliar black shapes in the thick treacly darkness.
I blink, and then my brain reboots and then I remember everything.
Luke is lying beside me, on his back, one arm resting across his face. As I turn onto my side to face him, he twitches and groans. I think he’s dreaming.
“Shh,” I whisper, putting a hand on his chest. It’s damp with sweat, despite the air conditioning being on, and his heart is racing.
“No,” he says, quite clearly. Is he talking to me? But his eyes are closed.
My heart goes out to him. How awful to have to relive whatever hell he went through every night.
He continues to twitch and mumble, his words mostly indistinct, although occasionally I can make out words. Mostly, “No,” sometimes, “Stop.” He seems to be getting more agitated. Should I wake him? Is that dangerous, or is that a fallacy?
“Please,” he says, and gives a kind of half sob. My heart breaking, I sit up and look at his face. His eyes are still closed, but his face is wet with tears.
“Luke.” I touch his arm gently.
He shouts something incomprehensible and then jerks, and his eyes open.
“Baby…” I rest a hand on his chest. “It’s okay. It’s Aurelia.”
His gaze comes to mine, and he blinks rapidly. “Fuck,” he says. He sits up and draws his knees up. Then he rests his elbows on them and puts his face in his hands.
“Sweetheart…” I get to my knees and put my arms around him. “It’s okay.” I kiss his hair, his face, his jaw, and finally, as he lowers his hands, his mouth. To my relief, he lets me, sinking his hands into my hair and tilting his head to deepen the kiss.
I want to help, to take away his pain, but I don’t know how.
I’m no therapist, and I have no idea whether it’s better to try to encourage him to talk about it, or whether that’ll only make it worse.
Instead, I just kiss him, delving my tongue into his mouth, trying to use my body to show him everything’s okay, and he’s warm and safe and loved.
Tightening his arms around me, he tips backward, onto the pillows, bringing me with him. I stretch out along him, and he groans and slides his hands down to the bottom of the tee I’m wearing, finds his way beneath the hem, and then strokes up my back.
“Take this off,” he instructs, and I sit up as he lifts it up over my head and tosses it away. I lower back down and kiss him again, while he brushes his fingers over my body, exploring all its curves. “You’re so soft,” he whispers. “So beautiful.”
My eyes prick with tears, but I hold them back and continue to kiss him. This time, he’s less hesitant to show his desire, his tongue thrusting against mine, while his hands slide down to my bottom and squeeze the muscles there.
I lift my head and tug at his boxer-briefs. “You want to get these off?”
“Not yet.” He taps his mouth. “You promised me.”
“Oh!” Luckily, he can’t see me blush in the darkness.
He moves down the pillows a bit and makes himself comfortable. Well, I’m not going to say no. I move up the bed and lift a knee over him, then lower myself down onto his mouth, his hands guiding me.
He gives a long, satisfied groan as I settle, and I feel his tongue slide through my sensitive skin. Ohhh… that feels good…
I murmur as he circles the tip of his tongue around my clit, then moan when he covers it with his mouth and sucks.
He tries different things, using his tongue, lips, and fingers, exploring me gently, trying to see what kind of pressure and movement I like.
I let him know what feels good with sighs and moans, and eventually I can’t stop my hips from moving, which he seems to like, judging by his deep groans.
He lifts his hands to my breasts and plays with my nipples for a while, and, unsurprisingly, it doesn’t take long before I feel pressure building inside me.
“Oh,” I say, “oh, oh, ohhh…”
He fastens his mouth on my clit and sucks, and that does it—I come hard, clenching around his fingers as he slides them inside me.
He holds me with one arm across my thighs like an iron bar, and I hang onto the headboard for dear life as the pulses wash over me.
Oooh, that feels good… I tremble and shudder, then lift off with a squeal as it becomes too sensitive, and fall onto my back on the bed.
Luke lifts up and moves over me, braced on his hands as he looks down at me. “You okay?”
“Mmm. I’m fabulous.”
He smiles and gets rid of his boxer-briefs. Then he moves on top of me. I pull up my knees, and he strokes the tip of his erection down until he’s pressing against my entrance. Slowly, he slides inside me, as gently as he can, his gaze fixed on mine.
“Mmm,” I say again, wrapping my legs around his hips.
He moves back and pushes forward, deeper this time. I close my eyes in bliss. I know he’s watching me, afraid of hurting me, but I can’t do anything except moan as he gives a few shallow thrusts.
“That feels so good,” I whisper.
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah. Ohhh… more…”
He groans and thrusts a bit harder, and I lock my ankles behind his back, encouraging him.
“Fuck,” he says, his voice hoarse. “Aurelia…”
“Yes,” I tell him, “fuck me, baby.”
Still braced on his hands, he looks down at me as he thrusts, and gradually his body relaxes as he realizes he’s not going to hurt me. I feel incredibly turned on as he moves inside me. Pleasure is building within me again, and I moan repeatedly, trying to let him know that it feels good.
Just as I think I could come again, he pauses and withdraws, then murmurs, “Turn over.”
Ooh, he’s getting bolder now. I flip onto my front, and he nudges my legs open. “Are you sure about this?” he asks. When I nod, he guides himself between my legs, then very slowly presses forward.
I lift my bottom and groan as he slides inside. He waits for me to adjust, then moves back and pushes forward again.
“Okay?” he checks.
“It feels amazing,” I whisper back.
“Tell me if you want me to stop.”
“Oh God, please don’t stop…” My words are so heartfelt that he laughs with pure joy and starts moving inside me.
I love this position, and I clutch hold of the pillow, sighing as he bends and kisses my neck and shoulder.
He’s thrusting hard and fast now, and I feel another orgasm approaching, slightly different from the first one, much deeper and not so focused on my clit.
When I come, it feels as if my whole midriff is clenching, and I cry out with the pulses.
“Oh fuck,” he says, and, just as the pulses are dying down, he shudders and stills, his hips jerking as he comes inside me.
“Baby,” I say, managing to hold on just long enough for him to finish before all my strength goes and I sink into the pillows. “Oh God.”
We stay like that for a few moments, letting our bodies return to normal. Then he withdraws and shifts to the side a little, but wraps his arms around me. I murmur my approval, and we lie like that for a while, as our breathing calms, and our heartbeats slow.
“That was fantastic,” I tell him with a satisfied sigh.
He kisses my ear. “Understatement of the year. You are amazing.”
“Aw. I just had to lie there.”
“That’s true. But I’m happy to do all the work.”
We both chuckle.
I stroke his arm, feeling him kiss my ear. “Do you feel better now?”
He sighs. “Yeah. I’m so sorry I woke you up.”
“It’s not a problem at all. I’m guessing it was a bad dream?”
“Yeah. Same old, same old.”
“Will you tell me what it’s about?”
He’s quiet for a moment, but I know that means he’s thinking, so I don’t say anything. Eventually, he says, “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you…”
“Did Penny react badly?”