Chapter 19
Evan
Tapping my finger against the steering wheel, I try to focus on the lyrics of the song playing through the radio, trying to do everything I can to ignore the woman sitting beside me.
The air is thick in the small space of my car, making it harder to breathe with every second that passes. I reach up with one hand, loosening my tie, tugging at the knot like it might help ease the suffocating weight pressing down on my chest. But it doesn’t.
I kissed Anais – willingly, I might add.
I pressed my lips against hers, stole the breath right out of her lungs. Sure, it was meant to distract her, but the feel of her mouth against mine… Jesus fucking Christ.
The urge to shift in my seat is unbearable, but I lock down every muscle in my body, refusing to give in to the impulse. Refusing to admit, to her or myself, that she affects me.
Anais had a full-blown anxiety attack in the elevator.
No control over her emotions, just sheer panic.
I saw the embarrassment in her lilac eyes when I pulled her out of it.
But there was no reason to feel shame. We all had our idiosyncrasies.
And I was no different. I can’t function at work if everything on my desk isn’t perfectly in place.
We all had some urge we couldn’t control
Still, seeing Anais so vulnerable was unsettling. Considering how she acted toward me, all sass and fire…. I didn’t like it.
As I pull up to Anais’s building, I exhale a small breath of relief.
One more minute, I will be rid of her. She’ll be out of my car.
Out of my space. And I can get back to my evening.
Might even make a stop at Elite before I head home, to let off some steam.
It’s past ten, but that’s early for a high-end sex club.
Most of its clientele won’t show up until around eleven and midnight.
My thoughts are cut off by Anais’s soft, unsure voice and I finally glance over at her.
“Will you…” she hesitates, sucking in a breath, her teeth digging into that pouty bottom lip.
My traitorous eyes drop to her mouth without permission.
I remember how her lips felt pressed against me.
And when my cock hardens, my pulse kicks up in alarm.
Christ. I clearly need a serious talk with my dick.
“Will you walk me up to my apartment?” she whispers, her cheeks turning pink.
Once again, with her eyes wide open, she is allowing me to see her vulnerability. She’s exposed. Raw. My eyes search hers, and I sigh. I can tell it took a lot for her to let her guard down and ask. I don’t want to walk her to her apartment, but tonight I’ll make an exception.
“Sure,” I respond, cutting the engine and unbuckling my belt. She exhales, shoulders sagging in relief.
Does she really think I’m that much of an asshole that I’d leave her like this?
I inwardly scoff. Probably. I mean, it could be considered out of character. I’ve never been particularly nice to Anais Lauder.
“Thank you.” Her smile is warm, sincere, and my chest tightens.
Jesus. I shove the weird feeling aside, and though I am absolutely positive this will only encourage her, I open my door and climb out of the car anyway.
Rounding the vehicle, I step up beside Anais, placing my hand on her lower back and gently nudging her forward when she remains in place.
I knew this was a bad idea. She’s now staring at me with even bigger hearts in her eyes.
I can practically hear her mentally planning our wedding.
Irritation stirs inside me, but I tamp it down. Now is not the time to be an asshole and scold her on her unrequited love.
We walk side by side, entering the revolving door.
Anais greets the concierge before we head to the elevator.
The way her hand trembles when she pushes the call button, has me frowning.
For some reason, I don’t like seeing Anais this way.
Before I can stop myself, I cover her hand with mine and give it a reassuring squeeze.
Her wide eyes snap to mine, the shock in them evident.
Welcome to the club, Brat. My experience in comforting women is limited and I’m as shocked as you are about this turn of events.
“You’re okay, Anais. I’m here.” I murmur, softer than I ever believed I was capable of.
Anais’s gaze traces over my face, searching for what, I’m not sure. But eventually she nods, preparing herself, like she’s about to jump off a cliff. It seems silly, considering it’s only an elevator, but I have more context now. I understand her trauma better, her hesitation.
The elevator dings, the doors sliding open in the next second.
Anais glares at the small cart like it personally offends her, and I guess in a way it does.
Then without a word she straightens her spine, lifts her chin and the confident, strong Anais appears.
I step in behind her, watching as she hits the button for the top floor.
“Good girl,” my voice is soft, comforting.
I nearly vomit in my mouth. Since when have I been warm or soothing to anyone?
Anais smiles up at me, then drops her gaze to the floor. “Thanks for being here.” She laughs nervously, shaking her head. “I’m sure in the last hour, I’ve proven to be the silly little girl you’ve always thought I was.”
I stare at her, willing her to look at me.
When she doesn’t, I sigh, reaching out and gripping her chin between my fingers.
I lift until her eyes meet mine. “Stop,” I chastise.
“That thought hasn’t crossed my mind once,” I tell her honestly, and for a moment her sparkling lilac eyes draw me in.
I shake my head, ridding myself of the weird fog.
Then I release her, and step back, putting space between us.
She stares at me, her eyes darting between mine as if trying to read every last thought in my head.
It unsettles me, making my skin itch, and I feel the usual irritation toward her building inside me.
But then the elevator stops, the doors opening just in time.
Whether it saved me or her, I’m not sure.
I sweep my arm out, muttering. “After you.”
She blinks, then rolls her eyes. My lips twitch, there’s the brat I know. As much as I’d die before admitting it, I prefer this version, the smart mouth, her spirited side, to the timid shell of a woman she’s been tonight
“So bossy,” she mutters, sashaying out of the elevator.
“Ah, there she is.” I tease. “The real Anais returns. I was wondering when she’d make an appearance.”
Anais pauses; her hand suspended by the keypad on the wall next to her front door. I haven’t been to this apartment since Harrison lived here. I briefly wonder if the code for entry has changed. Then scold myself for caring. Because why does it matter?
“And the asshole is back, too,” she snarks back. “Good to know my meltdown didn’t shock you into becoming a decent human.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Our bickering, back and forth, has eased the tension.
Her fingers fly over the keypad as she punches in the access code. Then she turns to me, to face me, the scowl on her face undermined by the smile curving one side of her mouth, and the twinkle in her eyes.
“Aww, look at us,” she purrs. “First that kiss, now bantering and shit. Next stop marriage.”
I slip my hands in my pants pockets and arch a brow. “You really are delusional, aren’t you?”
“It’s not a delusion if we’re meant to be together.” Anais shoots back, shrugging. I stare dumfounded at her relaxed posture, the sure expression on her face, and feel genuinely concerned that she might actually believe the shit she is spewing. “And you kissed me,” she points out.
I balk. “Yes, I kissed you because you were freaking out,” I counter. “It was to calm you down.”
She shrugs again, a dreamy smile on her expression. “It was still a kiss.”
I can’t stop my eye roll. “If you think that was a kiss, then you’ve never been kissed properly. Now go to bed, Anais.”
I turn to leave, only to pause when she speaks again.
“I’ve been kissed, Evan,” she calls after me. “And trust me, it doesn’t get better than that.”
I don’t respond. I can’t. Instead, I haul ass out of there, needing to get away from the brat. She clouds my mind, messes with my carefully constructed control.
And the annoying voice in my head, the one whispering there might be some truth in her statement…
Yeah, that can fuck off too.
An hour later, I’m at Nathanial’s apartment, interrupting his fuck session with his latest conquest, one he managed to convince to come home with him tonight.
It’s boys’ night tomorrow, but I couldn’t wait another second to get this off my chest. There’s also the small issue of Harrison being present and, knowing him, he’ll try to get all up in my business which cannot happen. Not when it concerns his sister.
Now here I am, taking a large gulp of whiskey, while Nathanial leans against the wall, arms crossed against his chest, in nothing but his boxer briefs. He watches me, like I’ve lost my god damn mind, his expression indifferent as he waits for me to start talking about what brought me here tonight.
“I fucked up,” I start, rolling my neck as if that will ease the tension in my body.
He sighs. “And how exactly have you fucked up Evan? Someone should be dead, if you’re knocking on my door past eleven, interrupting me while I’m balls deep in a good pussy.”
My glower sharpens. “Because it’s fucking serious,” I hiss.
He runs a hand through his hair. “Alright.” He waves me on. “Go on. Let’s hear it.”
I grit my teeth, my muscles tightening as I ready myself to admit what happened, out loud. “I kissed Anais.”
His eyes widen a little, before he blinks his shock away. “Jesus Christ is that all?” he growls. “You pulled me out of prime cunt for a fucking kiss.” He spits the word like it offends him.
My jaw tightens. Why does my friend never take anything seriously?
“Anais, Nathanial.” I snap. “I kissed Harrison’s baby sister.” I explain as if he doesn’t know exactly who I’m talking about.
He pins me with a droll look. “And? Was it good?”
My head reels back. Of all the things he could say… I mean, yes it was good, more than good, even. And sure, I only kissed her to distract her, but that doesn’t change the fact I still pressed my mouth to hers.
“That’s not the point.”
“Well?” Nathanial prompts, eyebrow arched and a stupid smirk on his face.
I glance at him, even more worked up than I was when I left Anais. It was pointless coming here. Nathanial is no fucking help. And I don’t know why I expected him to be.
Placing my glass down on the bar cart, I shoot him a scowl. “That is not the question you should be asking, and the fact you did, tells me I was wrong to come here.” I move past him, heading for his front door.
Gripping the handle, I pull it open, faltering when he speaks. “It was a kiss, Evan. If it meant nothing, you can go on with your life like it never happened. But if it did…” he trails off, laughing darkly. “Well, then you are well and truly fucked.”
I don’t bother to respond. What’s there to say?
I slam the door behind me, cringing as his words echo in my mind long after I’m gone.