Chapter 44
Anais
By Saturday, exactly three days after everything blew up at my brother’s apartment, I’m officially over wallowing in self-pity.
Yes, my heart is broken, shattered into a million tiny pieces, but enough is enough.
I haven’t heard from Evan, and honestly, I never expected to.
He made it clear where we stand. And when he refused to be honest about our relationship, that told me everything I needed to know.
I know something changed between us. I know Evan felt it too.
But whatever it was, it clearly wasn’t enough.
Uncle Christian called me, and from what he said, it’s obvious Evan downplayed everything. He believes I’m ‘sick’. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. Not after everything he’s done for me.
I inhale. Then exhale. Today, is a new day.
I am determined to make it a good one, no matter how big the hole in my chest is.
In the elevator, I slip in my earbuds and suck in a breath as I hit the button for the lobby.
Shaking my head, I laugh humorlessly to myself.
I need to get over this fear of elevators.
I need to remind myself, one freak attack doesn’t mean it’ll happen again.
Locked in my thoughts, I don’t notice the ride down until the elevator doors open.
I step into the lobby, greet the staff, and pull up my favorite Spotify playlist, hitting play.
Music on, I exit my building, jogging in the direction of the High Line, planning to run the Hudson River greenway.
I try keep my mind on my run but it’s not easy.
Every time my thoughts drift to a certain asshole, I silently scold myself and focus on my breathing.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been running when a shadow suddenly falls across me. My head whips around, startled, to find Jarrod, a classmate of mine at Columbia beaming down at me. Frowning, I slow to a stop, pause my music and pull out my earbuds.
“Jesus, Jarrod. You scared me.” I say, sucking in air, trying to catch my breath.
He chuckles, slipping his hands into his pants pockets. It’s only then I notice he’s not in running gear. “Sorry, Anais. I saw you running and thought I’d say hi.”
“Hi,” I reply, motioning my hands at his outfit. “You’re not really dressed for a run.” I point out.
His body tenses. He shifts on his feet, looking… nervous? His eyes bounce between mine as he runs a hand through his blonde hair. “Honestly? I wasn’t running.” His cheeks turn pink. He’s embarrassed? “I was out grabbing coffee when I saw you.”
I glance at his hands, pointedly. No coffee.
Maybe he sat inside the coffee shop... And yet, something feels off about it.
My skin prickles with awareness as my heart beats rapidly in my chest. And it’s not from the run.
This feels different. My mind screams it’s not safe, tells me to run.
But why? I’ve spoken to Jarrod plenty of times during our classes together.
He always came across as shy, a bit of a loner.
I was always polite, but he was someone I never really paid much attention to.
But now as I watch him, I notice the twitch in his eye, the way he scratches at his arms…
and most disturbingly, the way he’s staring at me.
I recognize that look. And it’s exactly the same way I’ve looked at Evan for years.
Ice works its way into my veins, and a chill runs down my spine. My stomach twists.
Call it intuition, but something is definitely off.
Clearing my throat, I jerk my head. “Well, I should get going.”
His face falls, jaw tightens. I don’t like it. “I’ll come with you.”
My head shakes on its own volition. “No, that’s okay.” I blurt, a breath of relief rushing out of me when I spot other early morning runners nearby. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got somewhere to be.”
His expression turns dark, thunderous. He grinds his jaw, once, twice. And then as if something switches inside of him, he relaxes his posture and forces a smile. “Right. Well, you have a nice day, Anais.”
Nodding, I force a smile of my own, despite the unease swimming in my stomach. This whole interaction was making me feel on edge. “You too, Jarrod. See you at school.”
I turn to walk away, but his parting words, ominous and almost threatening, freeze me to the spot. “Yes. You will.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I shoot him another fake smile then quickly walk away. Once I’m a few steps away, I break into a jog, finally listening to that voice screaming in my head, to run away.
Four days after the night that changed everything, I am feeling a little better. I don’t want to acknowledge that it might have something to do with Evan now calling and messaging me. Despite wanting to respond to his texts, and to run into his arms, I ignore him.
Hisroyalassholeness: We need to talk.
Hisroyalassholeness: Please Anais.
Hisroyalassholness: Answer your phone.
Instead, I make plans to meet Lana for lunch and some much-needed retail therapy. Anything to get my mind off Evan. It’s working for the most part. But every now and then, my thoughts slip to him, dissecting every moment between us like I might find something I missed.
My phone rings, interrupting my current binge watch program.
Grumbling, I pause the show and snatch up my phone, grimacing when I see my brother’s name flashing on the screen.
He’s been calling for the last couple days, but I’ve been dodging his calls.
It’s Sunday now. If I ignore him again, he’ll just show up.
“Hello, brother,” I chirp, aiming for light and airy.
“Don’t hello me,” he growls. “Not only have you been ignoring my calls, but you were fucking around with my best friend.”
My spine snaps straight, eyes widening in shock.
Evan told him?
Or did Harrison put two and two together, and figure out the truth?
I swallow down my anxiety, trying to keep calm. “I don’t know wh–”
“Stop with the bullshit, Anais,” he cuts me off. “I spoke to Evan. He told me everything.”
My heart hammers in my chest. The lump in my throat grows exponentially, stealing all the air from my lungs. Shit. As much as I’m furious with Evan, I never wanted him to lose Harrison. They were best friends long before I came along. I have to fix this.
“Harrison,” I start, softly, cautiously.
“Don’t hate Evan. It was me. I pursued him.
” It’s not a complete lie. I did push him until he snapped.
Sure, Evan’s an adult, and not completely blameless, but I’m not putting it all on him.
I rub at my temples with my free hand, trying to alleviate the sudden headache forming.
“The truth is, I’ve been in love with him for as long as I can remember,” I admit, my voice cracking.
“I asked Uncle Christian for that internship, so I could get close to Evan.”
“The fact you call his father Uncle Christian, should tell you how wrong this is.” My brother deadpans.
I roll my eyes though he can’t see it. “We’ve always called them Uncle Christian and Aunt Elena.”
He exhales harshly, and I can practically hear him pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Look Anais, you think you’re in love with Evan.
I get it. He’s powerful…” he trails off, snorting a laugh.
“And even I can admit the bastard’s good looking,” he says begrudgingly.
“But like I told you before, and I stand by it, Evan’s not for you. ”
Annoyance flares inside me. I’m so sick of everyone, my brother and Evan, acting like they know what’s best for me.
I’m an adult for crying out loud. “Look, I appreciate you looking out for me. You’ve always been the best big brother.
” My throat tightens with emotion. “But you’ve got to let me make my own choices, even if they’re the wrong ones.
And yeah, sometimes it might end in disaster, but that’s life.
You’re supposed to make mistakes. It’s how you grow. ”
He’s quiet for a long moment, then he sighs, his voice softer when he speaks. “When did my little sister grow up?”
“Sometime in the past year, I guess.”
“He doesn’t deserve you, Anais,” he murmurs.
I squeeze my eyes closed, letting his words wash over me. My voice is a whisper when I say, “Maybe not. But that doesn’t change the way I feel about him.”
Harrison groans. “Nothing I say will change your mind, will it.” It’s not a question, more like resignation.
I shake my head even though he can’t see it. “No.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” he grumbles. I smile. Because in a way, this is Harrison giving me his permission.
“Not really,” I admit, laughing. “But that’s part of the fun.”
“So, how’ve you been?” Lana asks as we sit down to lunch. She studies my face closely, taking in everything.
“I’ve been better,” I admit, honestly.
The waiter interrupts us before she can say more. Placing our orders, he leaves to grab our drinks.
“So, have you heard from the asshole?”
Nodding, I wince when I think about the calls and texts I have ignored. “Yes.” I say, not elaborating and for once Lana doesn’t push me.
“He doesn’t deserve you,” she whispers, her jaw tight.
“So, everyone keeps telling me,” I muse.
The waiter places down our sodas, informing us lunch will be out in ten minutes. Wanting to change the subject, I tell Lana about my weird encounter yesterday morning.
“Hey, you remember Jarrod, right? From my business class last semester.”
Lana’s brows furrow in thought before she clicks her fingers. “Yeah. Blonde, around 5’10.” She frowns. “Kind of awkward, and always overfriendly with you. A bit of an odd ball?”
“That’s him.” I exhale, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip. Lana eyes me expectantly, waiting for me to speak. I don’t keep her waiting. “Well, I had a really… strange encounter with him yesterday morning.”
“What?”
“I was out jogging and he just appeared from nowhere.” I tell her. “The whole thing was weird. His mannerisms, the way he looked at me…” I trail off, a shiver running through my body just remembering my run in with Jarrod. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it was just odd.”
“How did he look at you?” she asks curiously.
I don’t hesitate. “The same way I look at Evan.”
She arches a perfectly shaped brow, laughing. “That could mean anything right now.”
I huff a laugh before sobering. I circle the rim of my glass, my eyes meeting hers.
I swallow hard before saying, “With love.”
Lana reaches across the table, taking my hand and gently squeezing. “I mean, you’re beautiful, Nais. It’s not shocking that you’d have a few admirers.”
Humming, I say. “This was different. It’s like he knew I’d be there.”
The smile she flashes me is soft, reassuring. “I’m sure it was just a coincidence. You’ve been through a lot these last couple of days, with all the Evan stuff.”
I laugh, slumping back in my chair, suddenly feeling ridiculous for my errant thoughts. “Yeah.” I pick my soda up, taking a sip to wet my dry mouth. “You’re right. It was probably nothing.”
But even as I say it, I shiver, that chill in my body like a warning beacon of what’s to come.
I don’t like it.
Not one bit.