Chapter 3 #4
“This isn’t your fault, Portia. Sage was only doing her job to protect you,” Kannon said, stopping in front of Portia before leaving the room. “Have them take you home. I’ll get this handled.”
Portia walked over to Sage with tears in her eyes. She scanned her chocolate face where she saw a few scratches around her eye.
“Are you okay?” Portia brushed her thumb over her cheek.
“Yeah, I’m straight,” Sage said, looking at Portia’s eyes, swollen from crying. “Are you okay, though? You’ve been crying.”
Sage rubbed circles across the top of Portia’s hand to soothe her and wiped the tears running down her face.
“I don’t like seeing you cry. Those beautiful eyes deserved to be filled with nothing but happiness,” Sage reiterated from the last time she witnessed those wet eyes.
“I’m doing better now,” Portia said as she smiled softly, resting her face in Sage’s palm.
“I think… I’ma head out. Let you two have your moment,” Salem said as he slowly backed out of the room.
Sage and Portia exchanged glances and burst into giggles. Sage glanced past Portia's shoulder and caught Salem mimicking gagging motions at his mouth in mock disgust. She chuckled and then refocused her attention on the captivating sight before her.
“I feel so safe with you,” Portia whispered as she locked fingers with Sage.
“You know I got your back.” Sage kissed her hand.
“And that’s why I feel safe with you. I know when I’m with you, I’m going to be okay. I never felt that before,” Portia said. “Not like this.”
“How? When you’re so worthy of being protected,” Sage affirmed.
Portia let out a deep sigh and settled onto the loveseat beside Sage.
She felt the urge to bare her soul, an unfamiliar sensation.
This aspect of herself remained largely hidden from others, even her friends or Shy.
It was a pain she and her father had carried alone, a bond they shared.
Yet, inexplicably, she felt a sense of safety in confiding this to Sage.
“My father has always been there, but never in the way I needed him. We lost my mother when I was thirteen, and ever since then, things just shifted. He has become distant,” Portia shared.
“I can feel it when he’s around. He’s even on edge to the point where I don’t think he believes he can protect his family.
Ever since my mother was murdered in our home, we both haven’t slept easy–and it’s been over ten years. ”
“I’m so sorry, Portia.” Sage reached for Portia's hands. “That’s heavy. I know she had to have been special to you both.”
“She still is.” Portia smiled as a memory of her mother came to mind. “She was an amazing cook and had the warmest hugs. Man, I wish I could hug her one last time.”
Sage felt a tear fall onto her hand as she gently stroked the top of Portia's hand. With her other arm, she pulled Portia into a comforting embrace.
“Without her, nothing feels safe anymore. She was the backbone of our family; the mold that held us together. Even though my father has remarried, it still will never replace what’s been lost,” Portia said.
“Nothing can ever replace a mother’s love,” Sage said. “I understand more than you know.”
“Whatchu mean?” Portia asked curiously. No one else could possibly understand the deep loss of her mother outside of her father.
“My mother passed when I was seven, and it left a hole in our family that can never be replaced.”
Portia couldn't believe it when she heard Sage acknowledge her pain. She had never encountered anyone who understood her on such a deep level. Then again, she had never felt safe enough with anyone else to reveal that pain, either.
“Ma dukes was the peanut butter to our jelly,” Sage said as her mother’s face came to mind. “She knew all the right things to say and do when we needed it. Her hugs were so warm too. And she was so loving,” Sage continued as her eyes got glossy.
Portia laid her head on Sage’s shoulder and slid her arm through hers.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that at such a young age. You’re so strong and resilient,” Portia said, wiping away a tear. She could feel Sage’s heartache.
Sage touched her cheek as she realized her eyes were sweating too. Like Portia, she had never discussed the loss of her mother with anyone beyond her family. In that moment, she realized the depth of her vulnerability.
They sat quietly, savoring the shared moment.
“Look at you,” Portia exclaimed, breaking the silence as she flicked up Sage's collar. “You’ve become this bad ass woman who kicked a girl’s ex’s ass that you’ve only known for a couple of weeks.
That takes guts.” Portia jabbed Sage playfully in the stomach, emphasizing the courage she had shown tonight.
They burst out into laughter as they wiped their tears. Their smiles eased their pain.
“If that’s what you call it,” Sage said with a smirk. “But in all seriousness, though… is that why you drink? To ease the pain?”
“Yeah,” Portia’s smile dissipated. “It gives me a numbness that allows me to escape. I don’t have to feel the pain or remember any of the shit that has been happening around me. I can just be in flow and enjoy my life for just a moment.”
“That awareness is the first step to the better version of yourself,” Sage said. “I believe you can do it.”
“You think so, huh?”
“I know so,” Sage said, tipping Portia’s head up with her hand to look at her.
“I mean, AA hasn’t been all that bad. We talk about our feelings and shit,” Portia explained. “I haven’t really had much time to think about drinking because they have us doing so much reflective journaling, as they call it.”
“Being one with feelings,” Portia said jokingly as she placed her hands in a prayer position over her heart. “That’s what Kayla, from the group says. Meditation has changed her life.”
“It definitely can,” Sage agreed. “Meditation has changed mine. It has allowed me to stay focused and grounded during times of chaos.”
“We’ve meditated from time to time in our sessions, but I just can’t get into it. I can’t get my thoughts to shut off.” Portia held her head.
“It’s okay to be with your thoughts. Not everyone can quiet their mind so easily,” Sage said. “It can seem overwhelming at first, but the more you practice, the more you’ll find ease just being with your thoughts.”
“Sounds like you can teach me a little sum’n sum’n, Sensei Sage,” Portia remarked, giving Sage's shoulder a playful push. “I mean, your name does speak for itself.”
“Well, maybe one of these days we can practice meditating together. Yoga’s definitely helpful too, but we’ll start small,” Sage reassured.
“I’d like that,” Portia said, smiling as she closed the space between them.
Sage smiled and licked her lips as she looked in Portia’s eyes. It was something about those big chocolate eyes that made Sage weak every time.
“You know what I’d like?” Sage said, coming closer to Portia.
“What?” Portia whispered as she stared at Sage’s full lips.
“To kiss you,” Sage whispered back as their lips met.
Portia tenderly cupped Sage's face in her hand as their lips met in a passionate kiss.
Their tongues intertwined, moving in sync as if they had been yearning for this moment for eternity.
With hearts racing, they drew closer, their bodies eager to embrace each other.
Sage's hand gently trailed up the back of Portia's neck, fingers intertwining with her hair.
Portia captured Sage's bottom lip between her own, gently sucking and pulling it back with each tantalizing movement.
Sage looked at Portia with fire in her eyes as they broke the kiss. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”