Chapter 13
Clara
Between the pills and Zeno’s presence, I felt stable. Capable. Able to focus enough to deal with New York City traffic. Even with the discomfort that wound through me as I waited for him to address what we did, I was able to keep my attention on the mechanics of the car.
Turn signals. Rear view mirror. Brake and gas pedals. Zeno’s favorite symphony played quietly from the stereo, lulling me into comfort.
He directed me through the familiar streets around his house, keeping me away from the busiest roads, and just like it had back at Paulo’s estate, my confidence in my abilities grew.
I felt like I knew what I was doing. And with each affirmation from Zee’s mouth, I felt like I could do more.
“You did good, kid,” Zee told me after I’d finished a perfect parking job between two not-so-perfectly-parked cars.
I beamed at him and ate up his returned smile.
But that smile fell, and I could almost feel the tightening of every muscle in his body.
“Do you think you’re ready to try a busier street? ”
My own smile dropped as my gaze drifted down the street. I could see Central Park from here. Could see the heavy mid-day traffic that frightened me.
What if I couldn’t do it?
What if I hit someone, or totaled Zee’s car?
What if Zee looked at me the way my mother had after the first and only time she’d taken me out for a drive?
At the back of my mind, that scritching, scratching monster raged.
What if he realized how horrible I was?
What if he stopped loving me?
“Clara.” His voice was a gentle nudge as his heavy palm landed on my bare thigh.
The monster in my head roared as my skin flared against his touch.
“It’s okay, kid,” he said, thumb brushing my heated flesh. “You can do it. I know you can. I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve done.”
His words felt like a caress, like his hands that had woken me from a deep sleep this morning. Hands that had slid along my body and slipped beneath my clothes, touching me until not touching him felt like a sin.
I hadn’t expected him to slip his fingers beneath the band of my panties. Hadn’t anticipated those thick fingers petting and touching until I was embarrassed at the wetness that had leaked from my core.
But the man hadn’t minded the mess he'd created with his hands. Instead, he’d delved inside of me, first one finger, then two, curling and plunging until my entire body lit up brighter than Rockefeller Center on Christmas Eve.
Then again, as he dragged my sensitive clit across his hard cock until he spilled himself into the thin space between us.
“Clara!” I blinked away the image of his face as he came and found him staring at me with a furrowed brow, his palm curled around my cheek as he tugged my attention his way.
He was close enough to kiss.
So I did.
I pressed my lips to his.
Only, Zee jerked away, eyes wide and chest heaving.
Not like that.
His mouth worked, like he was trying to find some way to respond.
He relaxed slightly when I nodded and lowered my chin, but the monster in my head raged once again, stopping any apology on my tongue.
“I can do it,” I told him, an idea popping into my mind. “Will you help me?”
Was it fair that I knew he couldn’t say no to my pout?
Maybe.
Did I care?
Not at all.
Zee seemed to relax slightly before he nodded and shifted in his seat.
Ignoring, once again, what I’d just done to him.
“You’re going to put the car in reverse and back up a little to give yourself some room to maneuver.”
“Like this?” Instead of reaching for the stick shift, I reached for him.
For the outline of his erection he didn’t bother to hide.
“Clara.” My name was just a hiss from his lips as he grabbed my hand, stilling any movement I might make.
But he didn’t tear my hand away.
He held me there as he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his head back into his seat.
A smile tore at my face.
“What is it?” I asked, sliding my free hand up his inner thigh.
“We can’t…”
I hummed out a little sound, devouring the torment playing across his face. I cupped my hand around his. “I think we can,” I whispered as he tightened his grip, which only served to tighten my own.
Before either of us could respond, Zee’s phone rang. He tore my hands away from his body, throwing himself against his door.
“I’m not doing this with you, Clara.” Zee dragged his phone from his pocket, and concern raced across his features before he tapped the screen and held it to his ear. “Mario?”
Zee’s gaze darted quickly to me before he seemed to recover. He became the man I’d always known. The man I’d fallen in love with years ago.
Kind. Caring. Willing to help anyone in their time of need.
“Sounds good. I’ll get a place ready for them. Let me know when you think you’ll be here and if they’ll need anything specific in the place.”
He listened again, though no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t understand what was being said on the other side of the line.
“Yeah. Yeah, no problem. Okay, we’ll talk soon.”
Zee hung up, then let out a long breath. He stared out the front window, but I was sure he saw nothing but the thoughts racing in his head.
Unwilling to interrupt, I watched him, letting my gaze sweep over his body.
From his long, dark hair, to the short hairs on his handsome face.
From the hard muscles under his white button-up, to the tattoos banded around his left forearm.
As if he could hear the thoughts swirling in my head, Zee shifted focus as my attention dropped to his strong legs.
“You okay to drive?”
My anxiety swirled in my gut. “Where to?”
“Need to go to Jet’s.”
I swallowed hard. It was one thing, driving around to nowhere in particular, with no one knowing what I was doing but Zee. It was quite another to have a destination in mind, to drive to someone who scared me.
It wasn’t that Jet was a frightening man, exactly. But he seemed to see things others didn’t. The idea that he could read my every thought had crossed my mind too many times before.
I wasn’t ready for the world to know my failures.
I wasn’t ready to share my complete love and desperation for Zee with anyone.
Zee looked at me like he, too, could hear my thoughts.
He also looked like he believed I could do it.
“Okay.” Shoving the swirling in my gut aside, I reached for the stick shift and put it in reverse. And though Zee didn’t resume his relaxed state besides me, his presence still soothed the monster in my head.
Before I was ready for it, he was directing me to a new parking spot. We climbed from the car, and he ushered me into a building I’d never been to before.
It wasn’t Jet who greeted us at the door. Instead, it was his fiancée, Eliza. Though I’d met her a handful of times before, none of our interactions seemed deep enough for the tender hug she pulled me into after she released Zee.
“Clara!” Her smile was warmer than the sun outside, and I itched to get out of her grip. “It’s so good to see you again!”
At her words, the itching ceased, only for my mind to race.
Why was she being so nice? What did I have that she could possibly need? Would she, like Chloe and Sadie, leave me stranded after she had no need for me?
“Come in, come in,” Eliza said, ushering us both through the door. “I’m assuming you’re here to see Jet?”
Zee returned her warm smile. “You don’t think I’d stop by to visit you?” Eliza pressed her lips into a firm line, though somehow, the smile never fell. Zee raised his hands. “Okay, you got me.”
“Mmm hmm.” She glanced my way, holding her hand out to me. “Clara, would you—”
“No!” Our heads jerked toward Zee. For a split second, something flashed across his face before he took a step my way, taking my arm. “Sorry. What I mean to say is, we can’t stay… We won’t be long. We have to go.”
“Of course.” Eliza dipped her head, then turned to me. “Perhaps some other time?”
“I’d like that,” I managed, even with the storm of emotions pulsing through me.
Eliza excused herself, and I tugged my arm, though Zee didn’t immediately let go.
“What’s going on?”
Zee looked everywhere but at me, and his shoulders sagged when Jet stepped into the hall on the other side of the living room. “We have a three o’clock,” he muttered before moving toward Jet.
Not wanting any distractions while driving, I’d left my phone back at Zee’s.
So as he stepped past me, I snagged his cell from his pocket, not once worrying about how I looked in front of Jet.
I was able to get a glimpse of the clock before Zee snatched his phone away from me and shoved it back into his pocket.
It was barely noon.
“Zee, Clara, good to see you again.” The two men shook hands before Jet extended his to me.
Like I might somehow belong.
“What can I do for you?”
“I need access to a safe house. Potentially long term and preferably as close to Paulo’s penthouse as we can get.”
Jet paused before his gaze zipped to the side.
To me.
Warmth rushed to my cheeks.
As if Zee needed a place to keep me.
As if I couldn’t just stay in my own room in his house.
Or I could climb into his bed again, be awakened the way I was this morning…
“How soon do you need it?” Jet asked.
“It could be a while, but I want to make sure it’s all set before they arrive.”
Again, Jet glanced at me.
Again, I felt warmth flood through me.
“Let me get you the keys.”
As Jet darted down the hallway and disappeared behind a door, I went to Zeno’s side.
“What’s the apartment—”
“Not now.” No sooner had Zee spoken than Jet stepped back into the hall.
“Address is on the paper. I’ll notify the doorman so he’s aware we’ll have guests.”
“Thank you, Jet.”
“I’m assuming no one knows?”
Zee shook his head. “I’d like to keep it that way.” With Jet’s nod, Zee grabbed my hand and yanked me toward the door. “You’ll be the first to know when I can tell.”
“Of course. Take care of yourselves.”
Zee tugged me out the door, but I got a quick glance over my shoulder before it slammed shut behind me.
The look on Jet’s face made me think he knew more than he’d ever let on.