Chapter 15
Clara
My mother hid her drugs around the house. It was as if she didn’t think we were smart enough to figure it out. Or like she thought, if she couldn’t see them, she could deny that they’d become a part of her life.
There was a ceramic crock on top of the kitchen cabinet over the refrigerator. Inside was a ten-year-old bottle of phenelzine, likely forgotten after the nausea it caused made her believe she was suffering from morning sickness instead.
Hidden in the back of her sock drawer was a fancy old sunglasses case. Inside that was her stash of alprazolam.
She kept her sertraline hidden behind the false bottom of one of the candlesticks from her and my father’s wedding.
And the less-used fluoxetine was kept in a wooden box made to look like a leather-bound book that sat on the mantle over their bedroom fireplace.
Things had shifted over the years, of course. As she went off one medication and onto another, I’d find things in places I wasn’t used to. But I always made note. I looked each one up. I kept track of the disorders my perfect mother suffered from and yet hid from the world.
What Mother didn’t know couldn’t hurt me.
That’d been my mantra since before I could walk.
She never wanted me around, and I couldn’t understand why.
Spying on her had become a part of my everyday life.
That spying led to learning about her hidden pills, which led me to finding more of her hiding places around the house.
Which led me to researching what they were, and then taking them myself.
I was so close to running out of what I’d gotten from Jayden, and I was reluctant to try to ask him for more. Even though he got all my money and I got less than half of what I’d paid for, my last experience with him had left a bad taste in my mouth.
Mother’s stash could tide me over. All I needed was to find the right one, and I’d be better. I’d be stable.
Or at least, as stable as I could get without Zeno by my side.
I tried not to think about the weeks that had gone by without him speaking to me.
In order to keep up appearances, and keep my parents off my back, I still went to his house.
But I snuck in when he was busy, kept to myself, and snuck back out after I’d done my homework and soaked up as much of his presence as I could while locked away in my room.
Now, creeping through my house, I made my way to my parents’ room.
I had no worries of my father finding me.
He was never home, of course, and unless I was doing something to draw attention to myself, I was nearly invisible to him.
Stephano was likely sleeping after a long night out at the club.
And from the car in the driveway, I assumed Mother had a friend over.
I just didn’t know who.
The women from the club would be served drinks in the front room. Business associates were invited into the living room. If Father was home, the men from the Syndicate would be ushered to the den, away from prying eyes.
The car out front was one I didn’t recognize, and that was a problem for someone who kept tabs on the household for no other reason than to not be left in the dark.
Sneaking through the empty kitchen, I was about to make a run for the hallway leading to the master suite when I heard voices in the sunroom off the patio.
“Are you sure there’s nothing you need, Daphne?” a feminine voice asked. “Nothing at all?”
There was a pause, and I circled back, tiptoeing closer to the open door. “I really can’t think of anything. Berto gives me everything I could need.”
That voice hummed as I pressed my back against the wall. “And Berto?” she asked. “Is he in need of anything?”
From where I stood, I could see the shake of my mother’s head. “I really don’t know. I mean, he doesn’t involve me with the business, but I’m sure if he needed anything at all, he’d be on Paulo’s doorstep, letting him know.”
I inched closer and caught a glimpse of a pretty face pinched into a grimace.
“I assumed as much. But you must know, we’re here for you.
For you and your family. After the past year, things have changed so much.
With the return of Paulo’s daughter, and what happened to poor Fahrid.
Of course, don’t forget his replacement. ”
There was scorn hidden beneath her words, and the sound of it lifted hairs on the back of my neck.
Jet was Fahrid’s replacement.
“It’s been… a lot,” the woman finished with a tight smile. “With all the new people coming into the Syndicate, we want to make sure our lieutenants and their families are happy.”
“Of course, Giada. That’s very kind of you. I’ll be sure to let you know if anything comes up.”
She beamed the widest smile, then lifted her glass of wine to her lips.
Wine, and it wasn’t even noon.
This was a new one for my mother.
Their conversation veered off to more mundane things, and my attention faltered.
I dragged my gaze to the hallway and my previous destination.
On silent feet, I crept away, rushing into their bedroom and tearing open Mother’s sock drawer.
I shook out a half-dozen alprazolam into my palm, then tucked the bottle back where I’d found it.
Before I left, I stopped before the fireplace, my eyes on the candlestick and its hidden prize.
After being away from Zee for so long, I was sure the sertraline could help. Just a few, that’s all I’d take.
Mother would never know.