Chapter 27
Clara
Possessive Zeno was my favorite. I knew what was coming the minute he answered his phone, and I relished provoking him.
What was wrong with hugging your new best friend?
Absolutely nothing, unless you knew doing so would piss off the man you loved and you did it for that reason and that reason alone.
The scream I let out as Zee shoved his dick inside of me was as much pleasure as it was surprise.
I loved every minute of it. I loved his biting grip, the pain in my head as he pulled my hair. I loved the low growl he let loose as he came completely unhinged.
Most of all, I loved how much he loved me, how much he loved fucking me, and how it was me pushing him over the edge.
“Fuck!” Zee’s grip on my hips tightened, and he rocked me against his every thrust. The friction between us set me off, and my pussy clenched as my whole body seemed to spasm. “So fucking tight. So fucking good.”
“Zee.” I whimpered under his punishment, feeling those spasms rip through me until pleasure turned to pain. “Please!”
“That what you want, kid?” He thrust harder. “You want to take my cock?”
“Please!”
He grunted, then froze as he came with a roar. His voice reverberated in the small space of his car, ringing in my ears and sending shivers down my spine. I squeezed my muscles, tightened my grip on him in every way I was capable, milking his dick until he had nothing left to give.
But that didn’t stop him from giving me more. Zee wrapped me tight in his arms, as if doing so could ease every last ounce of pain he’d caused. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and stayed there long after his ragged breaths calmed.
I swept my fingers through his long hair, pressed kisses to the skin at the side of his face, longing to hear him tell me he still loved me.
Fear trickled through me when he didn’t. It seized my every thought until my imagination took a dive off the highest cliff, unsure if there was any safety at the bottom.
What if I’d gone too far?
What if he was silent because he was trying to tell me goodbye?
What if he left me, and I lost what was left of my sanity?
“Zee?” His name was a plea, nothing more than a prayer, my desperation begging for him not to leave me.
He shuddered against me, then turned his face until he was kissing my skin, sucking along the column of my throat, licking along my jaw, until his mouth was on my mouth, his tongue was swirling against my own, and he was rocking me against himself, making love to me again.
“Was so worried I was going to lose you,” he whispered against my lips, his grip tightening on my ass and my back. “Thought he was going to take you away. Tell me I couldn’t keep you. Tell me this love I have inside me wasn’t okay.”
“It is, Zeno. It’s more than okay.”
“It’s perfect,” he said, just a quiet grunt as he thrust his hips. “So fucking perfect. Just like you, Clara. Your goddamn pussy. Your beautiful, wonderful heart.”
“I love you.” It was just a whisper, because that was all I could manage. Every inch of me melted under his praise, even as my brain held onto all those what ifs.
What if he didn’t say it back?
What if he stopped loving me?
“Love you.” He grunted, his thrusts quickening, his hand slipping between us to press against my clit. “So much, Clara. Love you so fucking much.”
A cry left me, my body sagging in relief even as his fingers spun me up higher, twisted me tighter, twirled me toward the edge of oblivion before he shoved me right off.
Zee swallowed the next cries, his dick pulsing inside me as I fell apart in his lap.
“Love you so much, Clara. Love you so much.” He whispered it like a mantra, and I let it soak through me, filling me up until I was overflowing. Until the words quieted the raging storm inside my head.
I spit out a laugh, a quiet chuckle that shook the fragile air between us. “The look on Paulo’s face.”
Zee laughed too, edging back so he could see me. He cupped my cheek, ran his thumb across the corner of my lips. “You told Michele?”
“He already knew. I’m guessing Nadia and Mario figured it out too.”
He gave me half a smile, then pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. “We should go.”
Nodding, I kissed him back. “Okay.”
Zee helped me climb from his lap before he grabbed tissues from the center console and helped me clean up.
Once we were both tucked into our clothes and sitting properly in our seats, he drove us across the city to the Davids’s house.
Their housekeeper led us inside, but she didn’t need to show us to the room the family was in.
Chaya’s cries filled the air and made me want to cry too.
“She hasn’t stopped,” Sarah said, even as her daughter raised her hands and tried to clamor into Zee’s arms.
I know the feeling, kiddo.
Chaya quieted a little as Zee held her against his chest, rocking her the same way he’d rocked me when I was her age.
“It’s going to be okay, kid.” He peeked up at me, and I could see the guilt in his eyes as clearly as I could feel it inside of me.
We shouldn’t have done what we did. While we were seeking out pleasure, poor Chaya was miserable.
“Can Zee take a look at you?” he asked in a gentle voice, shifting toward the couch when Chaya whimpered against his shoulder. “I’m just going to set you down so I can see.”
“No!” She tightened her grip around him, and it had my heart clenching in my chest.
I felt the same.
I’d acted the same, when I was a child.
Every moment I could, I wanted to be with Zee. To be held by him. To be with him.
To be loved by him.
It dawned on me then how important Zeno was. Not just to me but to everyone in the Syndicate. He was the trusted doctor. The friend who would listen to your troubles and make you feel better however he could.
With Arik hovering in the doorway and Sarah fretting and wringing her hands, I watched as Zee turned and sank to the cushion of the couch, Chaya’s arms around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist. He settled her in his lap, and I rushed to his side with his bag, unzipping it without him having to tell me to.
“Can you tell me what’s wrong?”
Chaya’s crying quieted a little more, though her response was a hard, “No!”
“Does your tummy hurt?” He tickled her belly as he said it, and a giggle wove through her cries.
“No!”
“What about your toes?” Zee asked, moving one hand to grip her little foot. “Do your toes hurt?”
No longer crying, Chaya giggled and kicked, and I swore, my heart grew in my chest.
Zee edged back, looking down at the little girl. “Can you show me your throat?”
With her brown eyes wide and her lashes spiky with her tears, Chaya hiccupped, then opened her mouth. I had his otoscope ready for him—I wasn’t new to this method of examination. I was pretty sure it came about because of me.
Zeno peeked into her mouth, then her nose, before he lowered the device, screwed up his face, and gave her a crooked smile. “I think the tickle monster might be hiding in your ears.”
Chaya giggled again and clamped her mouth shut.
“Can I look and see?” She shook her head, and he widened his eyes. “If I don’t catch him, he’ll come back and tickle you in your sleep.”
Another giggle, and Chaya shook her head.
“What if I promise it won’t hurt?”
“Pwomise?”
Zee made an X across his chest, then held his hand up to his side. “Cross my heart.”
With her lower lip trembling, Chaya turned her head, allowing Zee a quick peek in each of her ears. He handed the otoscope back to me, then pulled the girl back into his chest.
“See, no pain at all.” He looked up at Sarah as he rubbed his hand across the back of the girl’s head. “Looks like a double ear infection. Explains her refusal to eat and sleep. Has she had a cold or is the mucus just from her crying?”
“She’s had a cold for the past week.”
“Alright. I’m going to write a prescription for an antibiotic.
I want you to keep her hydrated and try to get her to sleep if you can.
You can alternate ibuprofen and acetaminophen, like I’ve told you before.
She might not have much of an appetite for a couple days, but she’ll bounce back once the infection goes away.
Call me if she gets worse or if anything changes. ”
“Thank you, Zeno.”
“Of course.” He looked down at the little girl, who’d fallen asleep against his chest. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he murmured, “Clara, can you get my prescription pad from my bag?”
I helped him write out the prescription, then tore it off and handed it to Sarah. As Zee carefully settled himself back into his seat, running a calming hand over Chaya’s head and back, Sarah walked toward the door, close to tears. Arik wrapped her in his arms before she pulled back.
“I’ll have Margot run to the pharmacy to get this filled.”
Sarah left the room, and Arik turned a pleading look my way.
“I’ll keep her company.” I rushed past the man, following Sarah through the house to the kitchen, where she handed the prescription to her housekeeper and gave her a few instructions. Once the woman left, Sarah sank into a chair at the table, putting her face in her hands.
“Are you okay?” I went to her, offering comfort the way Zee had taught me while I was growing up.
She sighed. “I will be. I’m just sleep deprived and worried about Chaya.”
I pinned my arms against my stomach. “I’m sorry we didn’t get here sooner.”
Sarah sighed again. “It’s not your fault. Arik and I have been arguing over what to do for days. He had a meeting, and I was here on my own, and just when I decided I couldn’t take another minute of her crying, Giada Provenza showed up.”
Another Provenza?
My belly tightened in a knot. “What did she want?”
She placed her palms on the table, then reached for the empty glass in the middle. I rushed forward.
“Let me get that for you.”
“Just water, please.”
The woman was so exhausted, I felt myself slowing down too. I refilled her glass, then took a seat at her side.
“What did Giada want?”
Sarah shrugged. “She said she wanted to make sure we were comfortable, that we had everything we needed.”
“Really?”
“I know! As if my husband isn’t perfectly capable of ensuring his family is taken care of. And even if Arik couldn’t, it’s not like I don’t have his four brothers and his sister. Or Paulo or Zee or any of the lieutenants. I mean, I’d turn to your parents before I went to Giada Provenza for help.”
I coughed out a laugh, reaching out to squeeze Sarah’s shoulder. She was a true friend; someone I’d entrusted once or twice with my complaints about my family. She’d taken my side without question, and years later, still remembered how I felt.
“The worst thing was, she wouldn’t leave.
” Sarah covered my hand on her shoulder.
“I was near tears, wanting nothing more than for her to go, and when I told her I just wanted to call our doctor, she made herself comfortable and went on and on about how that was”—she lifted her hands, making air quotes as she said—“in the works.”
“What does that mean?”
“That’s exactly what I asked, even though I would have rather kicked her out so I could call Zee.”
“But you’re too nice for that.”
Sarah sighed. “I love my life, I really do. But I hate the politics. Can you imagine your mother kicking someone out of her house?”
“Never.”
Once again, she buried her face in her hands.
She let out a sigh, then dropped her hands to her lap.
“Giada kept going on about how Cosimo and Raoul were securing a new doctor for the families to use. Never mind Zee, or the training you’re doing.
This one would be loyal to the family and able to help at a moment’s notice. ”
That knot in my belly swirled like a pile of snakes fighting over a meal. “Did she say who—” My throat closed up, keeping me from asking more. But Sarah waved her hand, as if whatever Giada said was utter nonsense.
“Some long-lost Provenza family member from Italy. She waved the idea around like that should mean something to me. Like my Jewish heritage was less-than, and we should all bow down to the great Italian Provenzas.”
Sarah lifted her finger to her lips, gnawing on the edge of her fingernail. After a quiet moment, she turned her gaze to me.
“I’m not your mother, Clara.”
“What?” Hurt pierced my chest before dissipating the second she continued in a whisper.
“I kicked her out.” She shook her head, reaching for my hand. “Maybe I’m not cut out to be a lieutenant’s wife. I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer, and I told her she needed to leave.”
“Sarah—”
“I’m a horrible person!”
“You’re not.” I squeezed her hand. “You’re the sleep-deprived mother of a sick child, and she’s the horrible person who’s too selfish and blind to the real needs of the family. You did nothing wrong.”
“I’m not sure the Provenzas will agree—”
“Well, fuck them if they don’t. She’s an insensitive automaton, and you need to give yourself some grace. Now, come on.” I stood, scooping Sarah’s hand from her lap and tugging her out of her chair.
“What are we doing?”
“We’re going to tell your husband you need a break, and then you’re going to go take a nice long nap.”
“Clara, I can’t—”
“You can, and you will.”
Except she couldn’t. Because when I pulled her back into the living room, we found Arik asleep in the recliner while Zee was still pinned under the sleeping child.
“New plan.” I spun back around, dragging Sarah toward the stairs. “You and Arik are both going to get some rest—”
“But—”
I spun on her, stopping her with my raised palm. “Zee and I will take care of Chaya. We’ll stay all night if we have to. You and your husband could use a break, and that’s the least we can do for you.”
Tears flooded her eyes, and I caught sight of her trembling bottom lip before she was hugging me so hard, I couldn’t breathe. “Thank you, Clara. You’re a good friend.”
Swallowing hard, I peeled her off me. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”