Chapter 44
Marianna stared at him, not sure she understood. Pregnant? Why would she be…? And then it hit her. Pregnant! Protection! She wasn’t on any sort of birth control and…now that she thought about it, they hadn’t bothered with protection during their week-long sex marathon.
Pregnant? Automatically, her hand flew to her stomach where a small life form might be growing even now. Pregnant!
“No!” she gasped, shaking her head and unconsciously taking a step backwards. “I can’t be!”
“Can’t be?” he gently asked, eliminating the space between them, but shoving his hands into his pockets so that he didn’t reach out and pull her into his arms. They both knew what would happen next. “Are you certain that you’re not? Are you on any sort of birth control?” He sighed, shaking his head. “Because I’ll be honest, habibti , I completely forgot, which has never happened before.”
“No,” she replied honestly. Shaking her head, she tried to concentrate. With one hand on her head, she stepped away from him, pacing around the living room. It wasn’t a good space in which to pace because there was too much furniture in the way.
With a disgusted groan, she moved towards the area that defined the living room from the dining room. “I’m not pregnant!” she replied.
“But you’re not on any kind of contraception?” he asked again, wanting to hold her, but aware of the need that was already thrumming through him.
“No, but…it’s impossible for me to be pregnant.” Which was an absolutely ignorant statement. Of course she could be pregnant. In fact, her last cycle had been about a week before she’d come here. So not only was it possible, it was quite probable!
“How?” he asked, trying to soften his tone. “How is it impossible?”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat, knowing that she was being irrational. But when cornered, she came out fighting and she battled with the only weapon at her disposal.
“Because you’re not in love with me!” she yelled, furious that her words hurt so much. But instead of trying to calm down, she let her emotions flow. She let go of the tight control she’d held over her emotions for the past several days. “You just want sex from me! Every time I try to find a bit of romance, of actual intimacy with you, to find out if we’re compatible, you turn it into sex!” She threw her hands in the air, seething with frustration. “All you want is sex! And I want more! I’m crazy in love you but you just want sex!” She sniffed back angry tears and lowered her head in defeat. “I’m nothing but a toy to you! Something you can take off the shelf whenever you want satisfaction. Meanwhile, I’m over here trying to figure out how to have a conversation with you! I want to know if there’s something real here! We’ve spent the past eight years hating each other and now, you just want to get your rocks off and I’m just a convenient receptacle!”
Even as she spoke, Marianna noticed his features darkening with anger. As soon as she ran out of breath, she realized how much she’d infuriated him.
“You think,” he started off low and angry, “that all I want from you is sex?” he asked, but didn’t give her a chance to reply. “You think I want this…insanity between us? I can guarantee that I don’t want it! I liked the way my life was before I met you! I loved the orderliness of my life! I had a plan! I knew what was going to happen. I could figure out the moves of every person I encountered and anticipate what they might do! I could counter their moves with something that benefits my people!” he snapped, truly angry now. “I could think!” he continued, tapping the side of his head. “I was in control!” he yelled, throwing his hands in the air as well. “Do you want to know what I do now?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “I think about you! I want to know if you’ve eaten breakfast. I wonder if you’re bored! I want to know if you’re doing something interesting and, if you are, I want to share it with you!” He sighed, running a frustrated hand through his hair. When he turned back to her, he stared into her eyes, his own gaze burning hot. “Before you came here, I kept refreshing the page to your damn website, because I wanted to be the first to read whatever you post!”
He lowered his voice now. “Even now, with you in my bed every damn night, I can’t concentrate on meetings. I have no idea what’s going on in my country. And do you know why? Because I can’t stop thinking about you! I can’t stop wondering if you’re okay! I can’t even sleep at night because you look so damn beautiful and I like to watch you sleep!” He inhaled, visibly trying to calm himself. “Do you know what it’s like,” he demanded, his voice a harsh growl, “to pride oneself about control and understanding how every world leader might react under certain circumstances, then to be reduced down to a man who needs to know if a woman is bored ?” That last question might have started off softly, but he was once again furious, his voice rising with every word. “And you want romance ? You want to have a conversation ?”
He took a slow, deep breath, then he stopped, frozen. For a long moment, he merely stared at her. Marianna could see the wheels turning in his head, but she was too stunned by the words that had exploded from him. So, it startled her when he demanded, “Wait… what did you say?”
Marianna glared back at him, still letting his words swirl in her head as she tried to translate what he’d said. “Which part?”
He sighed, rubbing a frustrated hand over his features. He dropped them by his sides, but not for long. He stomped closer, gripping her upper arms, gently, but firmly. “I know you want romance, habibti . But I can’t even think when you’re around. Every part of me needs to touch you. To feel you. To…” he sighed and dropped his hands, turning away from her as he continued shaking his head. “I don’t even know anymore. You confuse the hell out of me. So no, you’re not going to get romance, Mari.” He turned away, almost defeated. “I can’t….!”
Then Amit stopped, his head swinging around.
Mari pulled back and waited, not sure what had just occurred to him. Every word out of his mouth felt…surprisingly good. Apparently, he was just as confused as she was. Could they both be going through the same emotional turmoil?
“You love me?”
Marianna blinked, surprised by his question. Quickly, she reviewed what she’d said and gasped when she remembered. She backed up slightly, startled and wary.
He must have seen her shock, but chose to ignore it. Instead, his features turned triumphant and he chuckled, coming closer. “You said you loved me!”
Marianna searched for a reasonable explanation. “I meant–”
Amit slowly shook his head, realizing where her thoughts were heading. “You can’t take it back now,” he challenged firmly, taking her limp hands gently and draping them over his shoulders. He rested his hands on her hips. “You’ve driven me mad for too long, I’m not letting you take that back.” He chuckled triumphantly. “You love me.”
“But…!”
He lowered his head, brushing his lips against hers sweetly. “I think I love you too,” he replied in a whispered rush.
Marianna pulled away, too startled to speak. There was a long, painful silence as they stared at each other. Neither of them spoke for a long moment.
Then Amit admitted in a quiet voice, “I don’t know how to do romance.” His voice was rough, almost as if he were scraping the words out from the pit of his lungs.
Another long silence. Finally, Marianna asked, “What can we do?”
Amit broke their silent standoff first, pulling her back into his arms and holding her close. He rested his cheek against the top of her head as he murmured, “I don’t know. The only thing that I’m absolutely certain of is that I can’t live without you. Not now that I know you.” He sighed. “The past week has been…a challenge for me. I want to be with you all the time.”
She laughed softly, her arms tightening around his waist. “That’s kind of romantic, Amit.”
He grunted and kissed the top of her head. “I’m distracted all the time, habibti . I can’t think, I can’t concentrate. I can’t do anything when you’re not with me.”
She leaned back, but didn’t release her hold from his waist. “You have no idea how romantic that sounds, do you?”
He blinked, trying to gauge her reaction. “Is that what you needed? Declarations of my obsession?”
She laughed, feeling light-headed for a moment. But his strength surrounding her made her feel safe and oddly comforted. “Yeah,” she whispered. “But if it makes you feel any better, I haven’t gotten much done since I’ve been here either.”
He lowered his head, but he didn’t kiss her. Instead, their lips hovered about a centimeter apart. “What are we going to do?”
She grinned. “I think I should propose to you.”
He grunted and closed the distance between their lips. The kiss started off as something slow and sweet, but quickly burned into an inferno.
A long time later, Amit kissed her shoulder. They were naked again, in his bed and they were once again breathless and satisfied.
“Will you marry me, Mari?” he asked, his voice low and grumbly.
She looked at him over her shoulder, unaware of the worry in her eyes. “Why? Because you’re worried that I’m pregnant?”
He shifted until he was once again looming over her, his hands holding hers above her head. “No,” he countered. He kissed her, the gesture light and teasing. “I want to marry you because you’re incredible. And because you challenge me. You make me crazy – and not just in bed.” He kissed her again. “You are intelligent and annoying, and you make me a better man.”
“I do?”
“Yeah,” he grunted. “That article lambasting the education department’s new policies was brutal. But also true.”
She grinned. “That article was about Germany’s policies. Not yours.”
He shrugged, then gazed down at her breasts. “It was applicable here too. As soon as I read it, I wanted to fly to you and demand you retract the opinion.”
She grinned up at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “That bad, huh?”
“Yeah. But you were also right.”
“What else was I right about?” she asked.
“I can’t think of a single other issue,” he lied, then kissed her neck to distract her. “But I’m also right about getting married.” He lifted his head. “And I know exactly where I’m going to put your office.”
“Oh really? You’re going to move me here to Uftar? I don’t think so,” she teased. “The days when a woman has to sacrifice everything for a man are over! I think you should quit your job and…” she wasn’t able to finish since he rolled them over, so she was straddling his hips. And he easily slid inside her body, causing both of them to gasp as the pleasure began to build.
It took another forty-five minutes for her to react to his statement. By that point, they were both satisfied…for the moment. “Yes,” she blurted.
“Yes?” he prompted, looking over at her again. They were both lying on their backs, staring up at the ceiling as they worked to catch their breath.
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
He grunted his approval. “Good. I’ll have a jeweler bring a set of rings for you to choose from.”
She rolled over, propping her chin up onto his chest. “I must insist on a lab created diamond.”
“Lab created?”
“Yeah,” Marianna replied with a grin. “Lab created diamonds are more ethical. And lab diamonds aren’t controlled by a single company. They aren’t mined under unethical conditions.”
He grunted his agreement. “Always have to make a statement to the world, don’t you?”
“Absolutely,” she agreed with a laugh.