Chapter 2 #2
She looks at me for what seems like forever, and everything in me shatters when she finally speaks up, proving to me once again why she’s considered one of the best in her field.
“You pretended to have age regression along with furious outbursts that some psychiatrists considered psychotic episodes. Even when your brothers finally got you back, you never stopped playing the part, no matter how many doctors they hired to help you. You avoided people, stayed alone in your room, and whenever you erupted into hysterics when your uncle was around, you’d accept sedatives.
You lost eleven years of your life by living in isolation to protect yourself from your mother’s rapist and father’s murderer.
” I should count. Dammit, why is it so hard to count now?
“Maybe while watching the documentary, you wondered what would have happened if a serial killer like that came and saved you from your uncle. That maybe you’d have a normal life. He’d been an avenging angel of sorts.”
Wrapping my hands around my knees, I rock back and forth on the bed as white walls surround me.
Despite hating them, I’ve discovered over the years that white has many shades too.
For example, white walls in the psychiatric ward are way worse with endless amounts of screams surrounding me, so I prefer the ones in my family home.
I hum something under my breath while my brothers stand around me.
The utter pain on their faces tugs at the strings of my soul, urging me to tell them all my secrets and save me from this nightmare that seems never-ending, where I exist in a bubble, suffocating but not suffering enough to finally leave this world.
My existence is pointless, and no one seems to understand that.
“Is there anything we can do to help her?” Rush asks, running his hand over my head.
I don’t react to the touch, focusing on the single dot in the distance, humming louder, which makes the doctor shake his head in resignation.
“She’s been fine till she was eighteen. Why does she have age regression?
She had no head injuries. Just a little bump couldn’t have caused so much damage. ”
“People react differently to shock and traumatic events, Mr. Wright. Whatever happened to her made her regress. I know it’s hard to accept, but I don’t think she’s going to get better.”
His words cause fury in the pit of my stomach as acid fills my mouth, and my hands fall on the bed, fisting the sheets so hard it causes the fabric to rip, and my humming intensifies.
“Get out.” Rush barks out the order, and our butler quickly grabs the confused doctor and drags him outside, shutting the door in his face.
“It’s all right, Lavender. We’ll find a way,” he whispers, putting his arm around my shoulders and bringing me closer, his scent filling my lungs and calming some of my earlier nerves.
The monster came to our house earlier and looked for clarity in my gaze so he could do vile things to me. The sick lust in his eyes always sends me into hysterics, as it reminds me that I’m not safe while he’s alive.
Even though I know my brothers would kill him the minute he even laid a finger on me…it’s too scary to speak up.
Too risky to say the truth.
It’s better to stay this way than face the pain once again.
“We’ll find a solution.” His voice turns cold. “And trust me. The man who did this will pay.”
My heart breaks because my brother has a whole revenge plan prepared to punish the man he thinks is responsible for our suffering, and maybe he is…but not for what happened to me.
And for that, I feel shame.
To stay silent.
Still, once upon a time, silence saved me, and it seems impossible to break free.
Because in silence I found solace when my brothers abandoned me, and try as I might…I can’t trust them.
I’d rather die like this than let this man ever rape me.
“Lavender.” Phoenix’s voice brings me back to the present just as the pointer on the clock reaches twelve, and I jump up from the couch. “I think we should—”
“Our session is done,” I say too harshly, so I try to soften it with a smile. “Thank you for this. It was insightful in a lot of ways.” I pick up my bag from the floor and gently tap on it. “I wish we could talk longer. I have classes, though, and can’t be late.”
Since the fire that turned my life upside down happened after I graduated from high school, I was able to enroll in the university to pursue a degree in mythology with a little help from my tutors.
I wasn’t sure I was ready to be around so many people on a daily basis, but it was better than sitting at home all day doing nothing while everyone wondered if I’d gone off the rails again.
Once you have the word “crazy” attached to you, your family views you differently, and whatever you do is studied under a microscope.
Another harsh reality I had to accept.
“Of course.” She stands, and her eyes fill with so much understanding.
She has this look…this look I don’t know how to describe.
I assume it’s maternal, since she has a softness in her gaze whenever her children are around.
I wouldn’t know what parental love feels like.
I don’t remember either of my parents. Another thing that man stole from me.
“I want you to think about something before our next session.”
“Sure.”
Hooking my bag on my shoulder, I start to move toward the door, only to halt my movements when she says, “What would happen if you didn’t hide yourself from the world?”
Clearing my throat, I nod. “Goodbye, Dr. King.” I quickly get the hell out of her office before the truth spills out.
Disaster.
Disaster would happen if I didn’t hide myself from the world because, my thoughts?
They’re so ugly they should never be voiced.
Otherwise, they’ll lock me up again.
And that’s something I’ll avoid at all costs.
For who would be able to handle the storm growing inside me?