Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Secrets and lies go hand in hand.
What a tragic thought, isn’t it?
Because this makes all of us liars at some point, which just proves one thing.
Selfishness to a degree is forever engraved in our souls.”
Lavender
Lavender
“This is going to be a long day.” I sigh, getting out of the shower stall and wrapping the towel around my body.
The water drips onto the tiled floor as I go to the sink and wipe the mirror clear, studying my reflection, which is both terrifying and fascinating.
Terrifying because various bite marks and hickeys mar my neck and collarbone, standing out on my pale skin and bringing attention to their deep purple-red color, entwining with my scarred flesh. It almost creates a scary image since my scars become the center of attention.
Even if I tried to hide it, I would have failed.
And fascinating because whenever I touch them, a tremor rushes through me, reminding me how I got them, and the images from last night start to play in my head, one after another, wiping away any horrible thoughts or memories associated with my scars.
Placing my hand on the sink, I lean on it and shake my head, willing my mind to stop obsessing over last night, which should never have happened.
Although how is a woman supposed to forget the first time she got an orgasm from a man?
Groaning, I push back and quickly throw the towel in the hamper, putting my fluffy robe on and padding inside the room.
My heart speeds up when my phone vibrates on the nightstand, and I rush to pick it up, hating the disappointment when I see countless messages, none from Levi though.
“What did you expect? A love confession or something? He was probably drunk,” I mutter to myself. Or worse, he hopes I forgot about the whole thing as if it never happened.
Which was my plan anyway, but thinking about him wanting the same thing somehow hurts me, and isn’t that just pathetic?
The guy is ten years younger than me. I have no business doing anything with him!
Sex for him is just a sport. He probably doesn’t even care with whom he does it.
And the worst part is, I can’t even blame him, because he’s young and single, so why shouldn’t he take what’s willingly offered, anyway?
Sighing, I sit on the bed and scroll through various messages and wince, feeling exhausted just reading them.
Hey! Just wanted to check on you. I hope you are okay. We’re having lunch at our usual place today. We’d love for you to join us. Love you.
Your brothers won’t be there.
Since it’s a group chat that the girls created against my will, Emmaline’s message comes right after.
We won’t talk about yesterday if you don’t want to. We can discuss our dresses for the wedding.
The idea of meeting Aileen after I got off on her brother’s tongue makes me nauseous. I can’t constantly avoid them, though, because it would hurt them.
Being broken and distant is one thing, but selfish toward my sisters-in-law who did nothing wrong? Whole other thing.
Glancing at the clock, I notice I have around an hour to get ready.
I’ll be there.
They heart-react my reply, and I focus on the other messages.
I know you’re new to this whole friendship thing, so here is a little tip. Friends don’t ditch each other at the club.
I’m so sorry. I just had to get out of there.
Relax, girl. The auctions were hilarious, so I had fun. Although I dipped once people started making out left and right. Like I said, watching people get off isn’t my thing.
Not sure how I’m supposed to react to this information, so I just thumbs-up her reply as she types something else. I wonder why Scarlett even bothers to be my friend.
All these great women wanting to be close to me astonishes me every day, considering my attachment and psychological issues prevent me from bonding with anyone.
My first reaction is to flee or ruin it. How long might one accept such behavior before giving up on the person entirely?
Maybe that’s why I do everything in my power to push them all away, because losing them would hurt too much.
Your brothers signed everything. Congrats on becoming a very rich woman, Lavender. I’ll keep you posted on the paperwork, and once it’s complete, we’ll set up all your bank accounts and credit cards.
Instant guilt hits me at this.
Despite my lashing out at my brothers in front of their in-laws, they kept their promise.
No need to feel guilty.
Are these lawyers now mind readers?
You know what’s better than guilt? Gifts. I love penthouses. I have one in Boston but not in New York.
Laughter rumbles in my throat.
Noted.
How was last night, by the way?
And just like that, my mood sours again.
I did a stupid thing last night.
Well then, congrats.
Why are you congratulating me?
Doing a stupid thing at a club is almost a universal experience.
It’s not about the club, though.
Running my fingers through my wet hair, I wonder how much I can tell her. Friends or not, I’m not sure how she would react to me hooking up with Levi.
Although is it considered a hookup if people didn’t have sex? Making out is the term, I think.
Is it about Levi?
How do you…?
Well, he was hot on your heels when you were channeling your inner Cinderella and ran away before the clock struck midnight.
A hot flush rushes through me, my heart flips in my chest at this information, and I grip the phone tighter.
He chased after me? Does that mean…
He came back shortly after, so I wasn’t sure what it was all about until you got all philosophical right now.
And my heart plummets back, and I wonder how stupid a woman can be. He was probably making sure I was out of his club so he could go back to his usual activities.
I’m glad you find all of this amusing.
We didn’t have sex.
Okay, why did I have to type that?
That’s a relief. Having your first time at a club would have been… Actually, it might have been fun? Either way, a different location sounds like a better idea.
Oh my God.
I’m having my first time with him.
Oh, you seem very determined. I admire that, and good luck, I guess? Although judging by last night, you don’t need it.
My brow furrows, and it takes me a second to realize what I wrote.
I’m NOT having my first with him. That’s what I meant.
No need to explain.
He hates me, and we argued. That’s all. Nothing else happened.
Are you trying to convince yourself or me? Because I never said you guys did anything, yet you keep repeating now that nothing happened.
I need to rethink this whole lawyer-friendship thing.
Let’s just drop the subject. Levi hates me and has a grudge against me, so nothing else is going on.
You’re doing it again.
If you have time, please stop by my office tomorrow to sign some paperwork. See you, babe.
Sure. Bye.
Since there are no messages from my brothers, I type one myself to our sibling group chat that Rafael created. My family seems to love having all these group chats.
Thank you, and I’m sorry.
They read it but don’t reply, not that I expect them to anyway. In this group chat, I’m the only one sending messages.
My brothers prefer phone calls.
Putting my phone away, I go to blow-dry and style my hair, smiling when the heavy locks cascade down my back, and pin them up with a clip. Then I proceed to do my makeup, and while getting ready might seem like a normal thing for most women…to me it’s a big fuck-you to my abuser.
Because of him, I spent my whole young adult life hiding away and wearing flannel nightgowns, doing my best to look ugly so he wouldn’t touch me. Not that it matters for men like him, they want to hurt you all the same. When I finally got out…I promised myself to always care about my appearance.
I watched makeup tutorials, bought all the skin care products, and studied fashion shows along with magazines.
I’ll never be beautiful in the classical sense again. He took that away from me. But he can’t take away anything else from me.
Once done, I pick up my summer yellow dress with polka dots that stops just above my knees and hugs my body tight.
Slipping into matching flats, I give myself a once-over, grab my purse and phone, and dash to the elevator.
Once downstairs, I decide to walk the distance to the coffee shop that’s close to me, only to stop dead in my tracks when I see a man waiting for me outside, leaning against his black sports car that has several people snapping pictures of it.
Levi in the flesh, looking as handsome as ever, to my dismay, in blue jeans and a shirt with rolled-up sleeves that display his muscular forearms.
“What are you doing here?”
He removes his shades, and his burning gaze glides down my form, igniting the fire in the pit of my stomach, and I step back as if trying to protect myself from it because this shouldn’t happen.
I need more time to get a grip on my emotions. Instead, my body seems to go on high alert around him, begging to continue last night’s activities.
I guess my newly awakened sexual desires cannot be helped.
“Hello, Lavender.” His deep voice drums on my nerves, and I swallow when he pushes off the car and comes closer, his scent washing over me. “How are you today?”
“Splendid, as you see. What are you doing here?” I hold his gaze even though part of me wishes to hide away, as the sun is especially cruel to those who have imperfect skin.
“You look beautiful.” My eyes widen in surprise at this, warmth filling my insides, and I blink when he gently taps my nose. “You ran away from me last night.”
“Last night was a mistake.” He leans closer. “I was drunk.”
This should be as good an excuse as any…
I freeze when his hand wraps around my throat, his thumb pressing over my artery, and while the hold doesn’t cut off my oxygen supply, it’s firm enough to keep me in place and have the threatening sizzling energy rock between us.
“Let’s make something clear, moy cvetochek.
I’m not a saint and never will be. In fact, I enjoy the dark side too much to ever try to pretend to feel otherwise.
” His wrist flexes around my throat, and it becomes hard to breathe for a second.
“But I do not touch what’s not willingly offered or take advantage of women.
” He loosens his grip, his fingers skimming over my throat.
“Watch your mouth next time, and stop lying to yourself.”
A honking car in the distance snaps me out of my stupor, and I pull his hand away. To an extent, I understand how this might have sounded, though, and I feel the need to add, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
He walks back to his car and opens the passenger door. “Get in.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because I want to take you somewhere…interesting.”
This whole encounter is so surreal to me that I don’t know how to react. “Why would I go anywhere with you?”
His mouth curves into a smile, and his blue eyes darken, making my heart yearn for the ocean back home. It should be a crime for him to have this eye color. “Why wouldn’t you?”
“Because why would I get into a car with you and drive off God knows where? That’s how most criminal shows start, you know.”
“So you don’t mind coming on my tongue, but a drive in my car is where you draw the line?” A couple walks past us just as he finishes his sentence, while I’m standing, mortified, at what they heard.
“Oh, damn,” a woman mutters and winks at me, and I cover my face until they pass.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“I think it’s called calling out hypocrisy.”
“Do you now?” I can’t understand myself, because as embarrassing and confusing as all this is…part of me is thrilled at the interaction.
“Oh, yes.”
“I have lunch with my sisters-in-law planned. So no, I won’t be going with you.”
He places his palm on the roof of his car and sucks through his teeth. “Trust me, moy cvetochek. Whatever I have planned is way more entertaining than a simple lunch.” He extends his hand to me. “Come on.”
I watch his outstretched hand, still processing all this while wondering if maybe I should do it.
Like it or not, our families are forever connected. Only death would separate my brother from his future wife.
If we don’t talk about what happened last night or learn to get along, it will be awkward during family gatherings or in the future.
And would it be so bad anyway? It’s not like he’s going to kill me, and judging by how he reacted to the whole drunk comment, he won’t physically hurt me either.
So against my better judgment, I let the newly discovered part of me win and nod. “I’ll go.”
I just hope I won’t get myself into even more trouble.