Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
Kat
M y heart is slamming so hard in my chest, I’m afraid my ribs might break. I’ve never been with a man like Gabe in the years since we broke up, and this older, sexier and more mature Gabe is a thousand times more potent.
He kisses me… so damn domineering, and I feel it down to the marrow in my bones. His mouth devours mine, his hands possessively roaming. Within every touch, I can read his thoughts.
This is mine.
And this is mine.
I’ll take that too.
Gabe was ever the alpha and it turned me on back then. Still does for that matter, but I have to keep in mind, I’m only willing to let him possess my body right now. If he tries to go alpha on anything else, I’ll shut it down.
Lifting his head, he stares at me, a perplexed expression on his face. “What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?” I counter, stroking his bare chest. “Shut up and kiss me.”
My hand goes to the back of his neck to pull him down but he’s too strong and holds himself above me. “You may think otherwise, but I still read Kat Blackburn just fine. Your body tensed up, and not in the way it normally does when I’m touching you.”
I roll my eyes. “Get over yourself, Gabe. I’m perfectly fine and would like to resume what we were doing.”
He ignores me. “Because if you’re having feelings you want to talk about—”
“I want to have sex, Gabe. If you think I’m worried about having my heart broken again, you can rest assured, that’s not a worry at all because that would be an impossible task. Now… do you want to kiss me or do you want me to go back to my room?”
Gabe stares at me a long, hard moment and I think he might just kick me out of his bed, but then his lips arc into a sly smile. “I’d much rather have sex than talk feelings.”
“Then let’s get on with it,” I say tartly.
He chuckles as he bends down to kiss me again, his humor vibrating through me. I’m smiling as I accept his tongue into my mouth, my fingers sliding into his soft hair.
Once again, his hands are all over me and I react no differently from how I did when we were together in college.
Swiftly, achingly. “More,” I demand in between hot kisses and urgent strokes over my breasts, between my legs.
Gabe is so masterful in his ministrations, and I’m so keenly attuned to every touch and whisper that within a matter of moments, I’m a writhing mess of need. His hand between my legs explores, his fingers probing and finding me wet and ready for him. I’d gladly take a quick, hard tumble with the man and I’m not above begging to get what I want.
I leave the words though and try with actions, spreading my legs farther and using my hands at his back to urge him onto me. Gabe doesn’t move, holding rock solid above me as he kisses and touches. With my hand, I palm the swell of his erection and although he groans and bucks, he doesn’t do more than that.
Instead, he squeezes my breast, plucks at my nipple, making them feel heavy with need. But he abandons my breasts to stroke over my stomach, then back down between my legs, right over my clit until my hips buck and the words I thought I could keep at bay tumble out. “Please, Gabe. For the love of your fine bourbon, will you just fuck me.”
“That’s my Kat.” He laughs huskily. “Always so demanding.”
I want to say not your Kat , but a spasm knocks the words back down my throat as the pad of his finger rubs along my sex before sinking deep into me. I groan, my back arching and my eyes squeezing tight to shut out all other distractions. I just want to feel.
“Oh, Kat,” Gabe murmurs, his lips at my throat. “I’ve hardly touched you and you’re so wet for me.”
Damn him to hell, but his words are as much a turn-on as anything. His foreplay masterful, my hips rotate as if they have a mind of their own. It embarrasses me how well he can play my body, and I can’t help but try to put him in his place. “I was thinking about someone else,” I grit out.
He doesn’t reply but I feel that finger moving in and out of me. My eyes open with curiosity and I find Gabe has angled his body, head bent so he can watch his movements, as if utterly fascinated by something he’s never seen. My own gaze travels down my body and I’m enthralled by his big hand moving so assuredly against me. I’m beyond turned on that Gabe seems transfixed by it and a rush of wetness betrays my attempt to be aloof in all of this.
Gabe doesn’t look at me but says offhandedly, “Yeah… don’t buy you’re thinking of anyone else but me and my fingers right now.”
I grit my teeth, prepared to blast him, but a slick finger circles my clit and it feels so damn good, I cry out. A pleasured exclamation that has Gabe chuckling at his effect on me.
His touch burns in all the right ways, heat sizzling and sparking. A rushing tide of pleasure starts cresting within me and I’m so close but then his hand is gone.
My head jerks upward and I glare at him, but his mouth is there to kiss away my frustration. “Relax,” he murmurs against my lips. “While I’d love to just play with you all night, I really need to be inside you.”
I sigh into the kiss, grateful he won’t make me wait. While I know that Gabe is very skilled at foreplay and can drag it out, making me peak several times before he’d even think about slaking his own needs, I find that eight years away from this man has created an insane quest for immediate gratification. It’s almost as if I need him to knock the edge off so I can have some semblance of myself again.
Gabe pulls all the way free, rolling to the edge of the bed to nab his pants. He fishes out his wallet and from inside, a condom. He grins at me playfully and I give it right back to him. I’m grateful he’s as prepared as a Boy Scout.
Straddling my body, Gabe rips the condom foil with his teeth. I take his length in hand, stroke him hard a few times, and he growls low in his throat. Molten eyes pinning me in place, he shoves the condom at me. “Might as well make yourself useful.”
I remember this so well from our past. Gabe loved my hands on him in this way, an affirmative action that showed how much I wanted it. The same as years before, my hands shake as I glide the condom on. His head tips back, eyes closed to relish the sensation, and he looks like an absolute god risen before me. I squeeze when I’m done and his head dips, dark golden eyes locking onto mine.
Gabe falls forward, his hands coming to the mattress at my shoulders, and my legs part, knees raised and pressing to his hips. His mouth hovers over mine, eyes still holding me in place. I guide him to me and he slowly enters, an agonizing inch at a time. We stare at each other, both unable to look away as he fills my body, and given the traitorous thump in my chest, I’m guessing a bit of my heart too. I hate myself for it, but it’s impossible to disentangle emotion from sex.
Later , I promise myself. I’ll harden myself later, but for now, I let myself feel it all.
When Gabe is fully seated, our pelvises flush, he finally kisses me again. He doesn’t move, just letting his mouth work against mine.
“Gabe…,” I whisper against his lips.
He ignores me, staying perfectly still within my body and kissing me thoroughly.
“Please.” I hate begging, but he loves it because I feel his mouth curve into a smile.
Then he moves, and oh wow… this is the thing I’d never forget. That connection, the feel of his body locking with mine as if it was the crucial last piece of a puzzle. His thickness filling me, his slow thrusts causing mad ripples of pleasure to assault my every sense.
I’m overwhelmed, out of control, and I hate it all.
Love it all.
Gabe’s hand presses between our bodies, his fingers finding that bundle of nerves that he knows will dismantle every last bit of dominion I have over myself. Tension coils tight, the rubber band pulled taut within me, and I consider holding it back but why bother. He’ll get it anyway.
I succumb to Gabe, giving it up to the man I should hate but don’t. The explosion of pleasure is violent and destructive, tearing me up from the inside out, and I’ve never felt anything more amazing in my life. I don’t know if it’s the deep well of bitter emotions we’re trying to wade through or the fact that I once loved this man with all my heart, but my orgasm is so powerful, I’m not sure I’m going to be okay.
I groan through the release, my body locking tight.
“Fuck yes,” Gabe mutters, his eyes alight with praise. His hips move faster and he tunnels deeper.
As I start to come down from the pinnacle, I feel my eyes closing. Gabe grabs my jaw with his hand and snarls, “Eyes on me, Hell Kat.”
I think to disobey him but curiosity wins out. I want to see if he’s going to be as undone as I was.
Teeth gritted, neck muscles straining, Gabe rides me fast and hard. I memorize the planes of his face, the pace of his breath, and with one hard thrust, Gabe’s expression twists into a ghastly but beautiful portrait of painful pleasure as he orgasms.
“Katherine.” My full name, a graveled prayer falling from his mouth.
A long rush of pent-up breath blows across my face and Gabe lowers his body onto mine, utterly spent. Without thought, only by emotion, I wrap my arms around his lower back, my legs around his thighs. He rests his chin on my shoulder, mouth pressed into my neck as his breathing regulates.
After what seems like forever, Gabe speaks first, although he keeps his head lowered. “Are you filled with regret and recrimination?”
“I’m too blissed out to feel anything negative right now, but give me a moment.”
I expect him to laugh but instead, he lifts his head and stares down at me. “This wasn’t a onetime-only thing, so if you’re going to have regrets, let’s hash them out now.”
My breath catches when I see how serious he is. This wasn’t about scratching an itch or giving into some type of hate fuck. Gabe wants to continue, and I had not considered that when I gave in to him tonight.
“I don’t have regrets,” I say carefully. “But I don’t know what this is.”
“I don’t either. I just know it’s not over.”
Something inside of me thrills at the confidence he’s exhibiting, but at the same time, I can feel the barriers rising up around me. “We’re over. Have been for years.”
The corner of his mouth twitches, his eyes twinkling. “We’re starting new then.”
I shake my head, but his hand grips my jaw again. “Don’t deny it. You know there’s still something here between us, and if we can get past the hurt…” I try to talk but he amends the path he was taking. “If you can forgive me for what I did to you, then we could build something good, Kat.”
Forgive him? Is that what he’s seeking?
And he wants to build something new?
“I don’t think I can trust you,” I say, all the old hurt welling up.
“Let me try at least,” he says, his tone slightly pleading, which is something Gabe Mardraggon would never do. “Just… let’s keep seeing each other, okay?”
“For sex?”
“Well, yes, for sex. Wasn’t that fucking fantastic?” Yeah, it was. The best ever if I’m honest. “But let’s continue to rebuild our friendship. We have Sylvie to worry about and it’s in her best interests if we all get along.”
“That’s convenient,” I mutter.
“I’m being serious,” he growls, pressing his lips down hard on mine. When he lifts, he says, “Please… promise me we can see each other.”
I’m not opposed to what we just did. He’s right… fucking fantastic. I could do that over and over again with Gabe, but I’m not letting this get any deeper than sex.
“Okay,” I say, and I feel his body relax. I shut that down fast. “But we can’t tell anyone.”
Gabe’s eyes narrow. “Keep it a secret.”
“Just like back in college,” I affirm.
“But you didn’t want to keep it a secret.”
“I do now.”
He studies me thoughtfully and I know he thinks I’m doing this to get back at him. But I’m doing this for self-preservation. If I can keep what Gabe and I have in a bubble, I can prevent feelings from developing. I can keep things contained and under control.
It’s my best chance of protecting my heart but deep in my gut I know it’s a risk that I could be destroyed, no matter if we keep it to ourselves or tell the world.
“Fine,” he finally relents. “We’ll keep it a secret.”