Chapter twelve
here there be monsters
W e set out for Darragh’s cottage. The longer we walked, the more my leg hurt. When I woke up, it was a dull ache, but the farther we travelled, the more I gritted my teeth every time my foot hit the ground. Even with Darragh’s slowed pace, I dripped with sweat. Darragh stepped over a fallen log. I followed and gasped when my foot touched down.
Darragh gave me a piteous look. “Would you like me to carry you?”
“I’m not Frodo,” I muttered.
Darragh shrugged. “I didn’t finish The Two Towers .”
“Ugh.” I didn’t want to be carried. I rested my hands on my knees, catching my breath. “Can’t you just like…magic us there?”
“That’s not one of my strengths,” Darragh said, rubbing his neck.
“But it’s possible?”
“It’s possible but”—Darragh gazed into the middle distance—“The last time I tried, I dropped Bowyn and myself into a basilisk den.”
Desperate to get back as quickly as possible, I continued brainstorming. “It can’t be that hard, right? Picture yourself someplace else, throw in a bit of magic, and boom—we’re there. No more walking.” Darragh shot me an exasperated look. “It can’t hurt to try?” I whined.
“Yes, it can! Bowyn nearly lost his eyes in the den, and any magical ability he possessed along with them.” Darragh pointed to his eyebrow. “That’s how he got that scar. His wounds were so great, even I couldn’t mend them completely.” He grabbed for me. “Let me carry you.”
“It’s fine.” I pushed past him. Darragh didn’t follow me, and after a few steps, I turned to see why not. Arms crossed and eyes closed, lines creased Darragh’s forehead as he concentrated. I didn’t really expect it to work. So, you can imagine my surprise when he vanished. “Oh,” I said out loud to no one. I stared at the space Darragh had occupied.
He didn’t reappear.
In the distance, a bird cawed. The surrounding trees seemed thicker than they were a moment ago. They cast long shadows as the afternoon sun began its descent.
“Oh shit,” I said to myself.
***
What are you supposed to do when you get lost in the woods? With Darragh, there was an obvious path. Alone now, the path was gone. Everything looked the same. The compulsion to choose a direction and run was overwhelming. You’re supposed to stand still, right? Find a tree, and just stay put… But no one was looking for me. Darragh was the only person who knew I was out here, and he was long gone. Wait—what was that?
I straightened and listened. The wood was silent. No birds, no insects. Nothing. But I swore— knock-knock-knock. There it was again! Three knocks rang out in the distance. I’d heard them before, with Darragh. I remembered the anxious look on his face… I pointed myself away from th e knocking and stumbled onward.
The afternoon light gave way to dusk, and I realized I didn’t have anything to start a fire. Why would I? I had Darragh. I could try to start one on my own but, even if I could get a fire going, what would it attract?
Something moved in the trees. I stilled—
It was only a bundle of sticks. Hanging from a low branch, it swung lazily in the breeze. Now that I was aware, I noticed similar bundles everywhere, dangling from the trees like ornaments. Bits of fabric stuck out of the bundle, all wrapped up and hung with rough twine.
What’s in there?
One by one, the sticks fell away. A decaying rot filled the air, and blood dribbled—I backed away. “Ugh!” I covered my mouth.
A human face stared at me.
Well, sort of. It was the skin from a face. Rough twine ran through the eye sockets, and up into the trees.
The skin whispered, “I’m coming to get you.”
“Nope!” I ran. “Nope, nope, nope.” I hurtled through the trees. I only slowed when the wafting smell of a campfire carried through the wood. Had I imagined it? I scanned treetops. There! A tendril of smoke snaked its way into the clouds. I headed toward it, and it wasn’t long before faint laughter carried on the wind. As I approached, I made out words and conversation.
“We need to kill him.”
My stomach tightened. Don’t like that . I took cover behind an ancient, mossy tree. Just beyond, a handful of women occupied a small clearing. Two stood near, and three sat farther back, around a campfire.
Oh no .
On the far side of the fire, two wooden stakes, lashed together and driven into the ground, formed a large T. Mounted on the structure like a scarecrow, was Darragh. His head hung limply, and dried blood smeared his face. It dripped in long, crimson stains down his chest.
“We need to kill him right now,” the first voice repeated. The speaker was a short, dark-haired woman. “Geneth, if we don’t kill him now, and he escapes, he will burn us alive.”
Geneth, a much taller blonde woman, rounded on the first. “I’ve thought about this moment every night since he took my mother to the Queen! When I’ve decided he’s suffered enough, I will kill him. Not before.”
The dark-haired woman shook her head. “It was a miracle we bound him the first time. We shouldn’t risk it.”
“You’re not in charge, Ruatha,” Geneth snapped. “We will kill him when the time comes. In the meantime, I think we could all use a bit of fun.” Geneth raised her brow seductively and laughed. A beautiful, horrible sound. “You can join us, or you can sit here and pout.” With that, she headed back to the campfire.
Back to Darragh.
I closed my eyes and searched—searched for any magic hidden within me.
Nothing.
Not a scrap.
Laughter rose from the camp. A voice said, “Perhaps we should build a fire around his feet when we’re finished? Give him a taste of his own medicine? I’d love to see him burn.”
Burn—
“Oh!” Darragh had given me something to make fire! I reached for the necklace. “Ah!” The bird carving burned my fingertips, and I snatched my hand away. It must have gotten trapped in my layers of shirts, and I hadn’t noticed it growing hot. The pain in my leg forgotten, I sprinted until I found what I was looking for: a dry and decayed tree. Sliding to my knees, I swept brittle leaves up against the trunk. I yanked the necklace off and dropped it into the pile of kindling. I domed my hands over the necklace and blew.
Nothing happened.
I rubbed my palms on my pants to remove the sweat. Maybe the necklace wasn’t hot enough? I tried again. Gentle, controlled breaths. This time, the edges of the papery leaves glowed orange.
A small flame sputtered to life.
“Yes!” The crunchy leaves caught. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” The hungry flames climbed the rotten trunk. I snatched a nearby dead branch and plunged it into the fire which engulfed the tree. I pulled it out and dragged it along the trees and shrubs that led back to the camp. Shouts rang out from the clearing. I tossed the stick into the woods on my left and veered right. Careful to stay hidden behind the outer ring of trees, I crouched when Darragh came into view. My plan worked…sort of. One woman remained to guard Darragh.
Closer now, I saw the damage. Darragh’s shirt was torn open, his chest flayed, caked thick with dried blood and dirt. My cheeks flushed, and I searched for anything that could be used as a weapon. With shaky hands, I picked up a large rock. Archaic, but it would work. When the woman looked away, I crept forward. The encroaching roar from the fire covered my footsteps.
Twenty feet away.
Ten feet away.
Five feet... She turned and I swung. The rock made a sickening thunk as it connected with her temple. The woman’s legs buckled, and she dropped. I tightened my grip on the rock, readying for a second blow. The woman’s eyes lulled and she groaned. She wasn’t getting up anytime soon. I tossed the rock aside and scrambled over to Darragh. He stared at me with lifeless eyes. I reached for his arms but…he wasn’t tied to anything. How was I supposed to free him? Darragh was just standing against a stick, apparently of his own free will.
“Agh!” I shouted in Darragh’s face.
What do I do?
Screams rang out from the direction of the fire. Somehow, the woman I’d brained must have alerted the others. I pulled Darragh from the sticks and he slid to the ground. I jumped behind him and hooked my arms beneath his elbows.
Have you ever tried to drag a body? It’s like, really hard. Sweat beaded on my forehead as I dragged Darragh into the trees. Displaced sticks and leaves left a wake that made us easy to follow. I tried not to think about all the furious people coming after us—or the fire I’d set. Wouldn’t it be funny if we burned to death in a fire I’d set as a distraction to save us?
“How do I untie you?!” I huffed, knowing Darragh couldn’t answer me.
That woman, Ruatha—what had she said? That it took two of them to bind Darragh. There were two people keeping him bound. I’d already taken out one with my rock, but there had to be another.
“Where do you think you’re going?” An invisible force squeezed my throat and I choked. Ruatha stalked from the trees, palm outstretched. Just like Darragh, my body was frozen. The pressure on my neck increased and my vision blurred.
I tested my fingers. Though stiff, they moved freely. I scraped them along the ground, collecting as much dirt as I could. Through the chokehold I gasped, “Jokes on you. I like this sort of thing.”
Ruatha’s face twisted in disgust. She gave me a what is wrong with you? look and loosened her grip. Particles slipped through my fingers as I hurled the dirt in Ruatha’s face. She covered her eyes, and I grabbed the knife from Darragh’s belt. Without hesitating, I plunged the knife into Ruatha’s thigh.
“AGH!” Ruatha tore the blade free and lunged. I landed on my ass and scrambled away. Ruatha grabbed for me and cried, “I’m going to watch the life leave your eyes—”
Ruatha froze. Her eyes fixed on something behind me, and the rage contorting her face slipped away. A sudden warmth grazed my back. Terrified the fire had wrapped around us, I risked a glance over my shoulder, and squinted against the heat.
It wasn’t the fire I’d set.
Flames flickered over every inch of Darragh’s body. On his feet now, I shielded my eyes and craned up at him. An uncaring, apathetic look settled on Darragh’s face. He raised his arm.
“No. Please no,” Ruatha begged.
Darragh raised his other hand and a cooling sensation swept over me. I didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late.
“Darragh, no—”
I curled into a ball as flames exploded around the barrier Darragh had created to protect me. Ruatha ran, slowed by the stab wound in her thigh. The fire overtook her—flames travelled along her skin, turning it to ash. She didn’t even have time to scream.
In a moment, Ruatha was gone.
The swell of fire died. I stared at the space Ruatha had occupied in stunned silence. Seconds ago, she was alive and breathing. Now she was gone. Just like that. Dead.
Darragh had killed her.
My hands shook as I stood. When I rounded on Darragh, there were no flames. The wounds were gone from his chest; he did what he could to rebutton his shirt.
“You didn’t have to kill her,” I whispered.
Darragh bent and retrieved his knife. “She would have killed you,” he replied coldly.
“She was running away!”
Darragh pointed in the direction of the others. “She was running toward help, so she could come back and butcher us!”
“They were right to be afraid of you!” I screamed. “I wouldn’t have helped you if I knew you were going to burn them alive!” My voice cracked, and I cursed the coming tears. “I didn’t know you’d throw flames at their backs while they crawled away from you!”
Darragh stood in shocked silence, looking as if I’d struck him. He raised his voice and jabbed his chest. “I saved you, and you’re looking at me like I’m a monster.”
“I saved you! And I did it without killing anyone! Maybe you are a monster!”
“I know I am!” Darragh bellowed. For just a moment, Darragh’s features weren’t his. Elongated and wrong—his teeth were knives, and his eyes were fire. But it was over so quickly. Had I imagined it? I shut my mouth and shrunk away. My turn to pause in stunned silence. This was the first time I’d seen Darragh angry. I stood my ground, but I trembled.
Darragh’s eyes darted to my crossed arms. Realizing what he’d done, he looked down. “I know I am,” he repeated. “I just… I didn’t want you to see me as one.”
I saw it then. When we think of ourselves, there’s always that one thing we can’t stand. That one thing we’d change, if we could. We tell ourselves that no one else sees it, or that people don’t care, all so we can be brave enough to leave the house. Darragh wore the face of someone who’d just discovered that not only does everyone see what he sees, but they think less of him for it. It made me sick to think I’d thrown someone’s flaw in their face .
But I mean, it was a pretty big flaw. He just fucking killed someone. In what world was that okay?
Shouts echoed in the distance.
Darragh composed himself. “Like it or not, this is how it is here. If you don’t want me to kill again, we need to move now. They won’t extend us the same courtesy.” I started to hobble away from the shouts. As the adrenaline faded, the pain in my leg returned and I nearly collapsed. Darragh reached to help, but I dodged him. “Fine,” Darragh hissed, “but when they catch us, and they will , I will give everything I have, my power and my body, to protect you.” Grinding my teeth, I continued hobbling. “I won’t let you die, Nell.” Darragh walked patiently beside me. “That means most of them will.”
I stopped shambling and muttered a quick, “Balls.”
I reached to Darragh for help.
***
“Can I walk now?” I wanted to stand on my own for the next conversation. It felt wrong to yell at Darragh while he carried me.
I wonder if he knew it, because his response was a curt, “No.”
“There’s no one behind us. Couldn’t I just—”
“You’ve been running non-stop on a broken leg. It will not heal.”
I pursed my lips. I ran on it while saving you .
“If you have something to say, say it.” Darragh snapped. “I’ve seen Bowyn make that face enough times to know there’s something you need to get out and the longer you stew on it, the worse it’ll be for me.”
“You can’t just go around killing people!” Passion punctuated my words—unresolved guilt for what I’d done to Turner.
Darragh’s arms tensed around me. “Sometimes you must take a life to survive. ”
“Back on Earth, we’d call you a murderer and send you to prison.”
“Back on Earth, you’d call me a soldier, and you’d treat me like a hero.”
“I—”
I didn’t know what to say that.
It was a quiet, frosty walk home. We paused only so Darragh could forage the mushrooms we needed.
***
We arrived at Darragh’s cottage late in the evening. Bowyn was asleep on the sofa in front of a low fire, with one arm propped behind his head. A pile of cookies lay forgotten on his chest. Darragh slammed the door so forcefully I jumped, and Bowyn jerked awake. Cookies tumbled everywhere as Bowyn leapt to his feet.
“You!” Darragh snarled.
“Me?” Bowyn cried, wiping crumbs from his robe and beard. Darragh watched every crumb fall onto his floor. Bowyn kept the sofa between himself and Darragh, as if that might save him.
“What were you thinking? Sending her after me? You knew where I was going!”
“Eleanor”—Bowyn emphasized my name—“is a grown woman. She makes her own decisions. I just gave her a little push out the door. And look! She’s fine.”
Darragh pointed at me. “She broke her leg!” Bowyn winced, but Darragh kept going. “She nearly died!”
“But she didn’t.” Bowyn shrugged, palms up. Glancing at Darragh, I considered the very real possibility he might strangle Bowyn. He opened his mouth to speak, thought better of it, and turned to leave. “Come now,” Bowyn ridiculed. “Use your words.”
Darragh inhaled sharply. His hands balled into fists as he rounded on Bowyn. Moments ticked by as they held one another’s gaze. Finally, Darragh said, “I think you’re a capricious, impudent little brat!” He tossed his bag and stormed out of the cottage.
If Bowyn had pearls, he’d clutch them. He muttered, “Capricious?” under his breath, and shook his head. “I don’t really understand where that little tantrum came from.” Stroking his beard, Bowyn shrugged. “I’m sorry you had to see that, my dear Eleanor.” I picked nervously at my lip, while Bowyn brushed more crumbs onto the floor. “Did you have fun at least?”
Emotions warred within me, but it was a smile, not a frown, that answered Bowyn’s question.
“Come! Come, tell me all about it.” Bowyn dragged me to the kitchen. “Did you rescue Darragh on any of your little exploits?”
I stuck my chin out. “Twice.”
“That’s my girl.” Bowyn winked. He fixed a drink. “Did you…you know.”
I didn’t understand. “Did I what?”
“Did you and Darragh…” Bowyn paused, letting the silence speak for itself. “You know.”
“Oh!”
Sex. He means sex .
“No!”
“And why not?”
“I don’t know.” I cleared my throat and hoped that answer was sufficient for Bowyn. It wasn’t. I thought of how Darragh refused to share the treehouse with me. How he caressed my leg so affectionately, but quickly ran away. “It’s like he’s scared to be near me.”
Darragh dripping in flames. Burning Ruatha alive.
Perhaps I’m scared to be near him too. I didn’t admit that to Bowyn.
“Plus, he’s hot,” I said.
Bowyn laughed. “Well, yes, but you aren’t so bad looking yourself, you shouldn’t let that frighten you.”
“No, I mean, he’s literally hot.” I raised my hand. “He burned me.”
“Oh, his poor nerves.” Bowyn chuckled. “He’ll get over that. We all get hot and bothered when we’re infatuated. Especially when we’ve found our—”
The door crashed open and Darragh charged in. Glaring at Bowyn, he shouted, “Are you still here?” There was no doubting Darragh and Bowyn’s lifelong friendship. With one look, they exchanged an entire, silent conversation. I only knew it was over when Bowyn sighed and put down his cup.
“I’m sorry Eleanor, my love, but it appears I’m needed in town.” Bowyn rounded the counter, he eyed Darragh as he took my hand and brought it to his mouth. He kissed it and said, “Until we meet again.”
Darragh slammed the door behind Bowyn. He crossed his arms and addressed me. “I’m sorry—” Darragh paused, lowering his voice. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
The sudden apology surprised me. “I, uh, I’m sorry I asked you to do something you weren’t comfortable with.” We wouldn’t have gotten into trouble today if I hadn’t pushed Darragh to move us with magic. I’d nearly gotten us both killed.
Darragh waited, expecting more.
I did not apologize for calling him a monster.
When I didn’t say more, Darragh continued, “I promise, wherever feasible”—he looked at the ceiling, as if the idea of what he was about to say next was absolutely ludicrous—“I will not kill anyone else.” I didn’t know what to say. It seemed like an odd thing, to thank someone for not killing people. Should I congratulate him? Or was that passive aggressive? Hey, man, congrats on not killing anyone today !
“I have things I need to do,” Darragh said. “I’ll be back later.”
“It’s the middle of the night—”
“There are things I need to do,” Darragh interrupted. “We’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Good!” I snapped.
Darragh left.
All alone, I couldn’t help but wonder…is it though?