Chapter 19
It was no coincidence that Tess found herself pottering in the kitchen at around the same time each morning, as part of her normal daily routine.
She would flick on the kettle, pop a teabag in a mug and let Barney out into the garden while she prepared his breakfast ready for his return from his sniff-about.
Then with her tea made, she would have a quiet half an hour to herself perusing the Sunday papers which were scattered across the island, as it would take her very nearly the whole week to read every article that was of interest to her, and add some answers to the crossword and sudoku puzzles.
A new but welcome part to that routine was seeing Rob as he emerged from the annexe, a tall, broad, distinctive figure, with his dark, close-cut hair and strong jawline.
He would shut the gate behind him and head off down the lane and Tess would stand out of sight to one side of the leaded windows and watch until he disappeared from view.
Only today, as she stepped forward to see which way he was going, he turned around and must have caught sight of her inside the house.
He waved and stopped, obviously having a change of heart, and turned back towards the cottage, heading in her direction.
She wandered towards the front door to meet him, just stopping momentarily by the hall mirror to check her appearance, zhooshing up her hair and running her tongue across her lips, feeling an anticipation flutter in her chest. She couldn’t even begin to make sense of what her body was telling her.
She pulled open the door, a smile on her face, thankful that she’d already showered and brushed her teeth.
‘Good morning! I hope I didn’t stop you on your way.’
‘Not at all. I just spotted you and thought… well, it’s such a beautiful morning…’ Rob held his open palms up to the sky. ‘I thought I’d come and say hello. I’m off for my daily walk. Do you fancy coming with me? We could do the shorter version, if you fancied it?’
‘Hey, what are you suggesting?’ Tess placed a hand on her hip in mock outrage. ‘Do I look as though I’m not up to the longer route? I might not be as fit as you, but I’ll have you know that Barney and I have hundreds of miles under our belt.’
‘I promise you, I wasn’t making any assumptions about your level of fitness.’ He paused, eyes wide, and Tess could see the amusement flickering in his gaze. ‘I just wondered if you might like to join me, but no worries if not.’
Barney went dashing out onto the drive, running around in excitable circles as though he thought the idea was a great one.
‘Well look at Barney, he’s up for it, so I think that’s the decision made! Can you give me a minute? I’ll grab the lead and I’ll be right with you.’
Tess had been wanting to catch Rob. There was something she wanted to ask him so this might be the ideal opportunity. Inside, she grabbed her keys and her crossbody bag that held all the dog-walking paraphernalia, took a breath, before joining Rob again outside.
They fell in step with each other and turned right out of the gate and down Vicarage Lane until they reached the footpath that led to the woods.
It was a single track with just enough room for them to walk abreast with Barney leading the way ahead, his nose tracking the ground and his tail wagging happily.
Already the sun was high up in the sky, shining with the promise of a beautiful day ahead, the sound of birdsong accompanying their every move.
‘You’re so lucky to have this on your doorstep,’ said Rob, breathing in the warmth of the morning.
‘I know. It’s one of the reasons why I would never want to move away.
On a day like today, it’s obvious to see why it’s so special with the rolling fields and the scents of the grass and the hedgerows in the air, but it’s the same throughout the year.
In the depths of the winter, when it’s cold and frosty, in spring, when everything is bursting into life again and in autumn, when the leaves are covering the ground, it’s so picturesque and it’s reassuring to see from day to day the changes in the scenery. ’
‘It’s a great healer, being outdoors. I think I always knew that but I’ve come to appreciate it all the more in recent months.
In fact, I was talking to my support worker about how walking has been helping me to get some perspective on my situation.
It takes me out of my own head and makes everything seem so much more manageable.
I think it’s being amongst the trees, close to nature, hearing the birds chirping around you, seeing the squirrels and rabbits, it makes you realise you’re a part of something bigger.
Anyway, he asked me if I would be interested in leading a walking group in the area for men.
Men like me who have been through a difficult period or who are struggling with their mental health.
A safe place where they can meet other guys in a similar situation, and they can talk, if they want to, but where they can find some support and solidarity.
I’m looking forward to getting involved with that. ’
‘That sounds like such a worthwhile activity.’ Tess was gratified to hear a positivity in Rob’s words, something that had been missing from when she first met him.
‘Yes, and it’s something I’ll be able to continue with when I start working again, which hopefully won’t be too long now. I’ve got a couple of jobs in the offing and fingers crossed I’ll confirm on one of those by the end of the week.’
‘Really, that’s exciting.’ She turned to observe his strong profile. ‘I’m glad things are looking up for you. Will you go back to your previous line of work?’
‘No way,’ he said with a sidewards glance and grin.
‘I don’t want to get back behind a desk and run a business.
I’ve been there and done that, and with it comes a ton of responsibility and stress.
So I’ve decided I want to do something completely different, something practical.
I’ve always been good with my hands and I think it will suit me better doing something like that at this stage in my life.
I’ve got no big business ambitions left.
Jack is buying my share of the business, so I should be okay financially, and I’ll come to some agreement with Jennifer over the house, but I don’t want to be buying big houses or luxury cars, or having expensive holidays abroad.
I’m looking for a simpler way of life now.
If I can put a roof over my head and provide for my kids, then I’ll be happy.
Anyway, enough about me,’ he said, turning his head to fix his gaze on her. ‘What do you do for work?’
‘Well…’ Tess took a breath, feeling, not for the first time, somewhat lacking as she gave her response to that question.
‘I don’t, although I’ve always done some voluntary work.
I go into the local primary school one afternoon a week and listen to the children reading, and I help out at the community library.
Back in the day, I did a degree in English and business administration at uni and then joined one of the grad schemes with one of the big accountancy firms in London, but my heart was never really in it.
When Charles qualified and joined the firm in Bramlingham, we settled out here and I got a job as practice manager at a doctors’ surgery.
I loved it and stayed there for several years, but when I left to have Hannah, I never returned.
It was a joint decision. Charles was keen for me to stay at home and to be honest, I enjoyed being a full-time mum.
It was a very busy time, what with local mother and baby meet-ups, coffee mornings, tumble tots classes and everything in between.
They were happy days. We thought we would go on to have more children, but it never happened and when Hannah started school, I filled my time with other things.
’ She fell quiet for a moment as they walked on further into the woods, the silence between them not awkward in any way, but rather comforting.
‘Looking back now, I wonder if I should have resumed my career. It’s not very fashionable these days to be a stay-at-home mum, although that’s not to say I wasn’t kept busy with my involvement in village life, at the school and at the church.
We didn’t need the money, Charles was a great provider in that respect, but I suppose it made me more dependent on him than was probably a good thing.
Of course, I didn’t realise it at the time.
It’s only now since he’s left that I’ve fully appreciated the power imbalance in the relationship. ’
Rob nodded. ‘I suppose it’s only natural to look back and think how you might have done things differently, but it’s not always helpful. You wouldn’t be here, the person you are today, if you hadn’t lived the life you have and it’s never too late to change your story.’
‘That’s true.’
For many years, Tess had carried a heavy sadness that they hadn’t been able to grow their family. She would have loved some siblings for Hannah, but it never happened and slowly, she’d had to come to accept their fate.
‘I don’t have any regrets, only perhaps that my marriage ended the way it did, but it’s happened now and it’s time to carve out a new future for myself.
I’ve got lots to be grateful for – a wonderful daughter and mother, a beautiful house and a great circle of friends – so I know I’m lucky in so many respects.
I guess it’s just scary stepping out alone when you’ve had that one person by your side all the time.
Although the more I see of Charles these days, the more infuriating I find him.
It makes me wonder how I put up with him for that long! ’
Tess laughed, finding a freedom in being able to talk about the breakdown of her marriage so openly, surprised that she’d been able to be so vulnerable with Rob, who was a great listener and didn’t pass judgement in any way.