Chapter 20
‘You will be okay, won’t you? Because really, I don’t have to go. I mean, it’s only for three nights and there’ll be other occasions when I can go.’
‘Darling Tess, whatever are you talking about? I shall be very cross if you don’t decide to go. When was the last time you went away? I certainly can’t remember. What on earth do you expect to happen to me in that time? Am I really looking that ill?’
‘No, not at all. It’s not you, it’s me.’
In fairness, Marjorie looked brighter and stronger every time Tess saw her these days.
Now returned to her favourite armchair in her room at the care home, the newspaper resting on the arm of the seat, a vase of summer blooms on the windowsill beside her, you could be mistaken for thinking that Marjorie was fully recovered from her recent illness.
It was only because Tess knew her mum’s features so intimately that she noticed the translucency of her skin, and the deepening of the laughter lines around her mouth and eyes portraying a fragility which was noticeable in her every movement.
‘You know I worry about you.’
‘Well there’s no need! I’m fine. Just elderly.
And I can’t do anything about that, but I’m not just going to roll over and accept my fate.
I’m determined to get better even if it might take a little longer than it once did.
I’m well looked after here, as you know, and if there should be any problem then you know the girls here would contact you.
Now stop fussing. It’s becoming tiresome. ’
‘Sorry, Mum. I suppose I’m finding excuses not to go!’ Tess laughed rather too loudly. ‘My head’s been all over the place these last couple of months.’
‘Well, that’s hardly surprising with everything you’ve had going on.
But you need to take some time out for yourself.
You’ve spent far too long looking after and worrying about Charles, Hannah and now me.
It’s time to look after yourself. You’re going to love this trip, and you never know, it might stir a wanderlust within you. ’
Tess wasn’t so sure about that. She was certain she would enjoy herself once she got there, Gina and Suzy would see to that, but she couldn’t see herself taking regular trips abroad. She was far too much of a homebird for that.
‘Anyway, tell me how Hannah is getting along. Have you heard from her recently? I sent her a text, but she said she’d get back to me when she had better reception. Where on earth is she now? Is she right out in the sticks?’
‘I think she’s been poorly and she probably didn’t want to worry you.
She picked up some sickness bug which knocked her sideways.
They found a hostel to stay in and I don’t think they moved for over a week, but I spoke to her yesterday and she tells me she’s feeling better now.
Billy’s been taking very good care of her, apparently. ’
‘Aw, poor love, there’s nothing worse than feeling ill when you’re away from home, but thank goodness for Billy, eh? I do miss seeing her sunny face popping around the door, hearing what she’s been up to and the sound of her laughter tinkling around the room.’
‘Me too. I can’t wait to give her a hug. I miss feeling her in my arms, but I suppose it’s all part of being a mum, isn’t it? Letting them go, allowing them to find their own path in life.’ Tess sounded wistful.
‘It’s not as though we’ve lost her forever. She’ll be back in a couple of months and when she is, it will be all the more special, so that’s why you need to make the most of the free time you have now.’
‘It’s a strange feeling not having to think about Charles, or Hannah all the time she’s away. I keep thinking I’ve forgotten something. As though there’s something missing. It might take some adjusting to this new state of being single.’
‘You’ll get used to it, darling. And you’ll come to appreciate the freedom and opportunities it brings. Believe you me, a few more months and your life with Charles will be a hazy memory.’
‘Oh, it’s already going that way. He’s been annoying me immensely.
I think when it first happened, I was consumed with hurt and disbelief, but now whenever I see him, he just ends up irritating me and I can’t wait to see the back of him.
That’s why I’ve started putting feelers out to get the divorce underway. ’
‘I think that’s a jolly good idea,’ said Marjorie. ‘Do things on your own terms; don’t let Charles have it all his own way.’
‘Do you know, he had the audacity to come round to the cottage asking after you, playing the part of the dutiful son-in-law to perfection. He wanted to visit you in hospital, but I managed to persuade him that you were in no fit condition to see him.’
‘Ha, that would definitely have set my recovery back. I presume he will be looking after Barney while you’re away.’
‘Actually, no. I’ve decided I want to make a clean break from Charles so the less I have to rely on him, the better.
I’ve got a friend looking after the dog.
’ There was that pang of guilt again from not telling her mum about Rob, but she didn’t want her mum to get the wrong impression about the relationship.
Not when Tess was still figuring it all out for herself.
‘Good. I’m proud of you, darling, and the way you’re taking positive steps forward.
You were always the powerhouse in your marriage.
You might not realise it, but Charles was as dependent on you as you ever were on him.
And you certainly don’t need him to thrive; you’re more than capable of doing that on your own. ’
Tess nodded, a smile spreading across her lips.
She would never have believed that to be the case, but her mum and friends were cheering her on from the sidelines, so it was time she had some faith in herself.
With each passing day, Tess could feel her resolve and strength growing to a point where she was actually appreciating and relishing the value of being on her own.
‘Do you know, Mum, I’m only just beginning to believe that that might be true.’