Chapter Eighteen
Hugh used to joke that when his mother was on the warpath, she took on the handbagging persona of Margaret Thatcher and could deliver a scathing insult before you knew she’d even taken aim.
‘She might be small of stature,’ he’d say, ‘but she’s a giant when it comes to a putdown and as Dad and I have learnt, it’s best to ignore what she says, it’s just her way. ’
With Hugh’s voice in her head, Nina braced herself by greeting her mother-in-law with a smile and a ready supply of the accepted social niceties of the day.
‘Hello, Hilary,’ she said as the woman as good as shoved Lindsay out of the way, ‘that’s a lovely outfit you’re wearing. Did you enjoy the ceremony? Tigs and Fabian looked so charmingly adorable together, didn’t they?’ Charmingly adorable? Since when had she started saying things like that?
Hilary’s glinting gaze bore into Nina’s as though seeing right through her pretence. As well she might.
‘I suppose this—’ she swivelled her head towards Jakob, ‘this young man you’ve brought with you today is the reason you were so evasive when I suggested we could come together. You could at least have been honest.’
‘I wasn’t evasive,’ Nina said, ‘I just hadn’t finalised my plans.
Anyway, this is Jakob who I don’t believe you’ve met in the gallery before.
Ever since joining Lavelle’s he’s been my invaluable assistant.
I really couldn’t manage without him these days.
’ Her choice of words was as loaded as those of Hilary’s when she’d referred to Jakob as this young man.
Seemingly unfazed by the situation, and all credit to him, Jakob held out his hand to introduce himself. But Hilary rudely ignored him.
‘Everything makes sense now,’ she said. ‘Everything.’ She then inhaled deeply, and with her nostrils flaring, she turned her back on them and walked away. Keith gave an apologetic shrug and went after her.
‘That was intriguing,’ remarked Lindsay with a raised eyebrow. ‘What could my sister have meant by everything makes sense now?’
‘You’d have to ask her,’ Nina muttered, suspecting that Lindsay’s question was entirely disingenuous.
Nothing in this family was secret, they told one another everything and no doubt Hilary had grumbled to them how Nina was dragging her feet about producing the grandchild she wanted so badly.
Very likely Hilary now believed she had just been presented with the reason why Nina was selfishly refusing to play her part, that she was daring to replace Hugh and his baby was the last thing she wanted.
She was about to suggest that she and Jakob should circulate when members of the family were requested to pose for photographs.
‘That includes you too,’ Lindsay said, grabbing hold of her arm and nearly spilling her glass of champagne.
‘I shouldn’t think I’m needed,’ she said.
‘No arguments! Once a member of this family, always a member. Isn’t that what we’ve always told you?’
‘But I can’t abandon Jakob.’
‘Oh, I think your delightful companion can fend for himself for a while. Am I right, Jakob?’
He smiled. ‘Go ahead, Nina, I’ll see you later.’
Knowing it was futile to resist, Nina downed her champagne in one long swallow and after handing the empty glass to a passing waitress, she set off with Lindsay and all the other guests now leaving the marquee and heading across the lawn.
‘Is it serious between you and Jakob?’ Lindsay asked as they approached a magnificent yew tree where the photographer was directing guests to line up in two rows, ‘because if it is, if there is the chance of it being something lasting, you shouldn’t take anything to heart that Hilary says.
It’s just that she can’t accept that anyone could replace her darling boy. ’
‘I know that, but does she have to be so vile and so possessive of me?’ Nina said. ‘It’s like she wants me to remain as miserable as she is. Can’t you speak to her?’
Lindsay gave a short laugh. ‘Sorry to disappoint you, but that’s way above my pay grade. Hilary doesn’t listen to anyone, she’s always been like that, even as a child, she always knew best and would dig her heels in for the stupidest of reasons. It was a defence mechanism then and still is.’
‘Against what?’
‘Against being overlooked. In an ideal world she should have been an only child and not one of three, then she would have been a much happier person. Did you know that she never wanted Hugh to have a brother or a sister?’
‘No,’ replied Nina, surprised at the apparent swerve in their conversation. ‘Why was that?’
‘It would have meant she had to share him,’ said Lindsay. ‘And that’s something Hilary was incapable of doing.’
‘I was led to believe that she was given medical advice that another pregnancy was too risky.’
‘Risky for whom?’ said Lindsay archly. ‘Of course that was the party line she told everyone, but I never believed that was the whole story.’
‘Did Keith want more children?’
‘Of course he did. But you know Keith, anything for a quiet life.’
‘Yes,’ Nina said absently, thinking of the man she thought she knew and the one she’d seen getting out of the punt in Cambridge and the intimate exchange between him and the woman he was with. The memory of their undeniable closeness suddenly made her long to be treated with the same tenderness.
‘Like I said,’ Lindsay continued, ‘don’t put too much store on what Hilary says. We all know Hugh’s death hit her hard. He was her life. That’s why she takes it out on everybody around her, to lessen the pain of losing him.’
‘But he was my life too!’ Nina said crossly. ‘He was my husband, the man I loved! Why does Hilary’s grief eclipse everybody else’s, including mine?’
Lindsay came to a standstill and while other guests surged past them, their happy chatter at odds with the flood of emotions threatening to burst through Nina’s self-control, Lindsay put a hand on her arm.
‘I’m sorry, that was clumsy of me. What I meant is that you can have another husband.
You can love again. Hilary can never have another son.
You can move on and enjoy a whole new life. She can’t. She simply can’t.’
‘She could if she wanted to,’ Nina said, stubbornly, not wanting to relinquish the angry hurt she felt.
‘That’s the whole point,’ Lindsay said gently. ‘She doesn’t want to.’
To her relief, Nina was positioned at the opposite end of the line-up from Hilary and as soon as they were dismissed by the photographer, she hurried back to the marquee.
A quartet of musicians had set up and were now providing background music.
More waiting staff had materialised and were buzzing around the beautifully decorated tables making sure all was in order.
For a wedding arranged at the last minute, thought Nina, there didn’t seem to be any corners cut.
Goodness knows how Tigs and Fabian had done it.
Maybe there had been a cancellation which they’d been able to take advantage of.
It took Nina a while to locate Jakob amongst the guests. Like bees to a honeypot, the pack of young girls she’d earlier encountered had him surrounded, and when he spotted Nina over their heads there was no mistaking the relief in his face.
‘There you are, babes,’ he said, reaching out a hand to her, ‘I thought you were never coming back!’
As one, the girls turned to see who he was talking to and then reluctantly parted to let Nina through. She heard one of them mutter, ‘I wouldn’t mind being in her shoes.’ Followed by another saying, ‘Some have all the luck.’
‘Seriously, that was the longest moment of my life,’ he said when the girls had wandered off to hunt down some new prey.
‘I’m sure it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle,’ Nina said with a smile. ‘Babes.’
He cringed. ‘You didn’t mind me saying that, did you? Was that very wrong?’
‘It did sound funny coming from you.’
‘It felt funny saying it. I promise I won’t do it again. But if I do, it will only be in self-defence.’
She laughed. ‘In that case, let’s go in search of the table plan so we can make sure you’re not sitting anywhere too hazardous.’
‘I’ve already done that, we’re together on your—’
She groaned. ‘Please don’t say we’re on Hilary and Keith’s table.’
He nodded. ‘I’m afraid so. That’s if my name for the day is Plus One. We could try rearranging the names while nobody is looking.’
‘As tempting as that is,’ she said, ‘the whole purpose of coming here today was to make a point. A point I intend to make. That’s if you can bear to be caught in the crossfire.’
‘I didn’t realise it was a war you were fighting?’
‘You saw how Hilary treated me, and you.’
‘True. So, do we have a game plan in mind for our mission? What is my role? Friend or something more?’
Realising that she should have thought of this well before now, she said, ‘I think we should be enigmatic and let people speculate.’ She thought of Lindsay asking if it was serious between her and Jakob, and how she hadn’t actually given an answer.
She hadn’t needed to, because Lindsay had reached her own conclusion. It was what everyone would do.
Lunch was a whole lot better than Nina had feared it would be and for one reason: someone – presumably Hilary herself – had changed the place cards on the table and had opted to sit elsewhere with Keith.
She was still within eye range though and occasionally, if Nina turned to her left, she would catch Hilary two tables away looking daggers in her direction.
The meal and speeches over, there was a lull in proceedings while yet more photographs were taken of Tigs and Fabian, then the DJ – hot from Ibiza if he was to be believed – announced that it was time for the bride and groom to perform their first dance.
The announcement was met with rowdy cheers and tables were pounded enthusiastically.
‘Things are hotting up, I think,’ said Jakob to Nina.
‘Are weddings like this in Norway?’ she asked.
‘In some ways, yes. The last one I went to was quite traditional, a church service with the bride and groom led down the aisle by violin players and a lot of the guests wore their bunad, the traditional national costume.’
‘Did you wear it?’
‘Sure.’
‘Do you hire the outfit?’
‘No, I have my own. It’s what we like to wear for special occasions.’
‘Do you have any photos of you wearing it?’
He smiled. ‘I’ll show you another time,’ he said just as another cheer went up and everyone stood to watch Tigs and Fabian take to the dancefloor. With diamond-bright lights bouncing like stars off the glitter ball above them, they swayed in perfect unison to ‘Lover’ by Taylor Swift.
Nina was thinking how radiantly beautiful Tigs looked, and that she was hardly showing her pregnancy, when Jakob said, ‘They look very happy together, don’t they?’
‘They do,’ she said. ‘More than that, they look right together.’
‘Does it make you sad, being here when it must bring back so many memories for you of your own wedding day?’
Touched by his thoughtfulness, she said, ‘A little.’
There was a lengthy pause between them, until Jakob said, ‘How would you feel about dancing with me? It seems that everyone is now allowed to join the bride and groom.’
He was right, guests were now flooding onto the dancefloor, but Nina faltered. She hadn’t danced with another man since Hugh. Not that he had been much of a dancer. If he could get away with it, he had preferred to stand with his mates at the bar leaving her to dance with her girlfriends.
Was this her cue to say that maybe they should go?
But why leave when the party was only just getting going?
Why be so boring? She remembered Cassie telling her to have some fun today and thought it was high time she did.
To hell with worrying what anyone might think, and for playing his part so well, didn’t Jakob deserve a dance at the very least?
And if she were honest, she’d had just enough to drink to make her think she might actually enjoy it.
‘Yes,’ she said decisively, ‘let’s dance.’
‘Excellent,’ he said, removing his jacket, then his tie and undoing the top button of his shirt.
‘Wow,’ she said, ‘you look like you mean business.’
‘I do! I love to dance!’
‘In which case I’d better remove my jacket too.’
Laughing, they made their way to the dancefloor where he slipped his arms around her waist and after an awkward few moments when they neither seemed to know where to put their feet or their hands, they settled into the rhythm of the song which the happy couple had chosen for their special day.
Hours later and having danced not just with Jakob but also with Hugh’s cousins, and several men she didn’t know, as well as an all-female crowd that had swarmed the dancefloor to ‘It’s Raining Men’, Nina was filled with the pleasurable sensation that she was thoroughly enjoying herself.
She had forgotten how much she liked to dance.
Dancing, especially with Jakob, was so freeing.
Joyously freeing and exhilarating! With Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen’ now thrumming through her and everyone singing along, and Jakob twirling her round and then bringing her in close again, her body felt energised in a way it hadn’t felt in a very long time.
When ‘Dancing Queen’ came to an end there was a swift change of tempo to Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’.
‘Do you want to sit this one out?’ she asked breathlessly.
‘Do you?’
She shook her head. She didn’t want this wonderful moment to end.
She didn’t want to go back to feeling how she did before, trapped in a suffocating bubble of widowhood.
Here on the dancefloor, in this conjured make-believe world with its flowers, ballons and flickering lights, she was a different Nina.
It was such a cliché, but God she felt so gloriously alive!
They came together and because she now felt at ease with him, she let herself sink into his embrace.
Closing her eyes, she pressed her hands lightly against his shoulder blades, her head touching the side of his neck while his hands encircled her waist. She could feel the thud of his heart beating and the subtle movement of his hands in the small of her back.
It seemed that each time he moved his hands, her own mirrored the exact same thing.
She must have known instinctively what would happen next because she wasn’t at all shocked when it did. Nor did she try to stop Jakob. Or more importantly, stop herself. Instead, as he placed a hand to her neck, she tipped her head back so he could kiss her. And so that she could kiss him.