Chapter Thirty-Two
In the recording studio, Toby directed Grace to a chair with a mixing desk in front of her and a screen to her right.
She was pleased her back was to the square window.
It would be hard enough concentrating without seeing people walk past with their shopping.
She put her notes on the desk next to the machine with complicated sliders and buttons, hoping she wouldn’t be expected to move them.
She’d been rehearsing everything she needed to say.
Jasmine and Jude had told her to keep things as natural and conversational as possible, which she’d thought she’d be able to do as long as there was nothing dexterous required of her at the same time.
‘You’ll speak into this.’ Toby tapped an enormous purple microphone.
Grace leaned forwards and put her mouth close to the spongy material. ‘One, two, one two.’ She giggled and glanced over at the others, who were crammed into the studio, Harry on a chair, the others leaning against the wall, grinning as they watched.
‘Don’t worry about getting so close,’ said Toby. ‘Just sit up and speak to whoever you’re interviewing as you normally would. ‘It’s on an arm, see.’ He moved the microphone back and forth. ‘So, it’s better to move this than yourself. But Jasmine will do all that, won’t you?’
‘Yes,’ said Jasmine. She rolled her chair next to Grace. ‘I’ll be wearing headphones and fiddling with the sound desk, but you don’t have to touch anything on here.’ She gestured to the machine and Grace let out a sigh of relief. ‘Or wear headphones if you don’t want.’
‘Should I?’ said Grace, glancing at the others. Butterflies swirled around her middle. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d last been overrun with nerves.
‘I wouldn’t bother,’ said Jasmine. ‘I think you’ll feel more natural without these on your ears.
’ She held up a pair of padded headphones.
She looked to where Jude had finished placing one camera on a tripod on the floor and was attaching another to a smaller tripod on the desk. ‘Got the angles you want?’
Jude peered through the lenses one by one. ‘Think so. I’ll be moving around and filming on my phone as well, so that gives us options in editing.’
‘Okay, looks like you’re all set up,’ said Toby. ‘I’ve cued “Puncture Wounds” ready to go.’ He turned to the other members of book club. ‘Are you lot going to wait in the green room until it’s your go?’
‘Oh.’ Harry stood and looked towards the door. ‘Yes, if you think that’s best.’
‘Can they stay?’ said Grace. ‘I know it’s a bit of a squeeze, but I feel like we’re all in this together. I’d like to be able to see their faces for moral support, if that’s okay?’
Harry stared hopefully at Toby and Grace knew she’d said the right thing.
‘I’d like to film people’s reactions,’ said Jude, ‘if no one minds.’ A rumble of assent followed.
‘You do you,’ said Toby. ‘I’ll leave you to it.’ He turned to Jasmine. ‘I’ll be in the editing suite if you need me.’
The door closed behind him and Jasmine grinned at Grace. ‘Don’t look so nervous. This is going to be fun. We’ve only got two hours, so let’s get going. I suggest Crush goes first.’ She turned to Crush. ‘You’re no stranger to a microphone, are you?’
Crush sat on the opposite side of the desk, putting three books down in front of her. ‘I’m not, but the mic was usually nearer my groin than my face.’
‘Ha! Remember you talk about books all day to customers,’ said Jasmine. ‘So just relax and take your time.’ She turned to Grace. ‘I’m going to play the opening song, then I’ll nod to you when it’s time for your introduction.’
The familiar music started, and the words played through speakers, soft and melodic, ‘Tell me, baby, the story of your life, how the words are puncture wounds, and who it was that held the knife.’ Jasmine pushed a small lever, the music trailed off and she nodded to Grace.
Grace swallowed. ‘Welcome to Desert Island Reads, with The Silent Book Club. I’m Grace Bray and with me today is Crush, former member of the band Parker, now the owner of the wonderful independent bookshop in Chislehurst, Books En Parade. Hello Crush.’
‘Hi Grace. Good to be here.’
Grace was momentarily distracted by Jude moving in her peripheral vision, but she recovered her focus and carried on.
‘Everyone on Desert Island Reads has chosen three books that have meant something special to them at a particular time in their lives. Could you tell me a bit about your first choice, and why you chose it?’
‘Erm, yeah. Can I say something first?’
Grace and Jasmine both nodded. ‘Go ahead.’
Crush focused on the camera on the desk.
‘I don’t do interviews. I never have, so this is all a bit new to me.
What I mean is, I’m going to tell you some stuff, some stuff that’s personal to me and that’s because these people, the people in my silent book club, they’ve become my family, you know?
And you do things you wouldn’t otherwise do for your family, for the people who’ve got your back.
’ She smiled at the faces around her. ‘And I’m doing this for Frank, the man who started our book club and for his wife, Grace, who’s carrying on his legacy by building on what Frank started.
Frank was a legend. A lot of readers are.
’ She grinned. ‘I don’t know if it’s because readers get used to seeing the world through other people’s eyes and that makes them more empathetic, more accepting and less judgemental,’ she paused.
‘What I do know is being able to sit with these dudes when I don’t have the words for what I’m feeling, and to know we’re just happy doing our thing together but in our own way, that’s meant the world to me.
It’s been my safe place. And I haven’t always felt safe.
’ She lifted her copy of The Complete Dorothy Parker.
‘And that’s where my first Desert Island Book comes in. ’
Grace swallowed down tears. She wanted to reach for Crush’s hand across the desk but tried to remain composed and professional. How did Lauren Laverne do this without bawling? ‘Thank you, Crush, can you tell us why that book in particular means so much to you.’
‘One of the rough things about ending up in care is that you don’t have possessions.
Not really. Your stuff is often moved around in a black sack, which can be pretty dehumanizing.
I was an angry kid, and I didn’t make life easy for myself.
At one school, there was a librarian who noticed I was in the school library most lunchtimes.
I was avoiding the bullies who’d laugh at my Tesco’s own brand trainers and free school meals, not that I ever told her that.
’ She laughed. ‘She probably knew, thinking back. Anyway, I’d read all the Judy Blooms and all that stuff, and I asked her what she thought I should read next.
She gave me some recommendations, but I couldn’t get into any of it.
She had this big book open on her desk and I asked her what it was. ’
She lifted the book. ‘She showed me this cover and said it was probably a bit old for me.’ Crush shook her head.
‘Did I mention I was a difficult kid? I saw that as a challenge. I told her I’d like to borrow it when she’d finished.
She said she’d read it loads of times and handed it over there and then.
I’m not proud of it, but this is that same copy.
’ She opened the cover and showed the library stamp.
‘I got moved to a new foster home and another school, so I never took the book back. I’m not sorry I nicked it though.
It’s a reminder of how far I’ve come.’ She turned to the camera, pursed her lips and pointed.
‘Don’t steal, kids, unless it’s feminist literature, and you’re moved from one home to another without your consent. ’
‘And what do you love about Dorothy Parker?’ asked Grace, unable to keep a smile from her face.
‘It’s been different things at different times.
At first, I just thought she was a wise-cracker; she was independent and funny and I liked the fact she was cynical and sophisticated, all the things I aspired to as a kid.
She was political, and I liked that. She thought about things and challenged them.
Later, when I was older, I saw that a lot of what she wrote was probably a mask, and I recognized that too.
Did you know she tried to kill herself twice? ’
‘I didn’t,’ said Grace.
Crush lifted her arm and showed her tattoo. ‘I got this poem, Resumé, inked because it’s funny, right, but it has a darkness underneath that spoke to me. “You might as well live.” Ha! It’s like, she might have existed a hundred years before me, but what she felt was the same.’
Jude moved to film Crush’s tattoo.
‘The way we relate to books at different times in our lives has come up before in our book club discussions, hasn’t it?’ said Grace.
‘Yeah. I think Annie says it best,’ said Crush, smiling at Annie, who blushed and grinned.
‘She says all the people we ever were are still inside us, stacked like Russian dolls. Every new experience adds another shell, so we get sort of bigger, emotionally, or with an extra layer of wisdom, and that makes us see the world, and what we read, with fresh eyes.’
‘That is a lovely analogy,’ said Grace. ‘Can you tell me why you chose your second Desert Island Read?’
‘Yep,’ said Crush, lifting the second from the pile. ‘The Storyteller: Tales of Life and Music by the one and only Dave fucking Grohl.’ She grimaced. ‘Sorry for swearing, can you edit that out?’
Jasmine laughed. ‘I’m not sure a bit of swearing is a problem, but we can go again if you like.’ She looked to Jude who nodded. ‘Okay, go again.’
Crush repeated the title without swearing.
‘And why have you chosen that memoir?’ said Grace.
‘First off, it’s Dave f … it’s Dave Grohl.
The man is a god, and his stories are everything, man.
There’s nothing this dude hasn’t done. The second reason is that he has ADHD, like a lot of creatives, and I think that means he’d like what we’re trying to do here, expanding the silent book club.
The third reason is that he is the most interesting man I’ve ever met. ’
‘You’ve met Dave Grohl?’ Jude said. He mouthed sorry at Grace, and she laughed.
‘Yeah, it was when we were touring the States. Have I never told you this story? Buckle up, my friends, you’re in for a ride …’