Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
Two months later
KEVIN
“Hollis, I don’t know,” I sigh, rubbing my face as I sit on the bench of my home gym.
I don’t mind that she interrupted my workout, as this is a conversation we have to have.
I called her yesterday to leave a message, and she’s returning my call today.
“I don’t think dating is something I’m good at. ”
I know why but my headspace is wrecked. There’s an alpha that I can’t keep out of my mind, but I’m too chicken shit to answer his calls.
God, I’ve never so willingly dropped to my knees for anyone else before.
I acted like a cat in heat, yet I refuse to act repentant for it.
While my actions were not how I typically act, I don’t regret it.
Do I want a repeat performance with him? Yes. However, every time I think about it, I end up fucking my hand, and remind myself that it’s safer than answering his calls. So no, I haven’t spoken to Mr. Sullivan again.
Instead, I have his calls being forwarded to an online number with a different voicemail. I haven’t listened to a single one of his messages, which continues to fuel my anxiety. It feels as if I’m poking the bear.
I have zero social life outside of a couple of friends, which means it’s easy to hide in Minneapolis.
Because that’s what I’m doing. Hiding.
I don’t even know the man’s name outside of it being Mr. Sullivan.
I didn’t think to ask for it, and I screamed ‘Alpha’ when he made me come over and over.
I’ve never had sex like that before. Usually, I’m someone who insists on things happening in a certain way.
I am the kind of omega who fucks in a hotel after a night at a club, and then moves on without a thought.
Mr. Sullivan lives rent free in my mind, and I don’t have the heart or interest to fuck him out of it. He may have saved me, but there’s also no doubt in my mind that he punished Ryan Hill for attempting to extort money from me.
The slimy beta could even be dead for all I know, since I haven’t heard from the asshole that my brother lost all his money to. God, why is this my life?
I’m overthinking everything, wondering if I’m doing the right thing, and now I’m ending services with Hollis Edwards.
I called her six months ago about looking into finding a pack I could spend my heats with.
Unfortunately, not only haven’t I found a good fit, I don’t think it’s a good idea to string anyone along while I’m all tangled up in thoughts of Mr. Sullivan.
Swallowing hard, I wonder if I should ask Hollis about him before choking back the words. If she knows him, then her loyalties will lie with him. I don’t want to make things uncomfortable or have it become known that I’m asking questions.
I lead a very quiet life, and I don’t know that it’ll remain that way if I become involved with Mr. Sullivan. What I do know is that I’m his, and it’ll be unfair for me to continue to date anyone else.
My issue is that I’m unsure I can handle the danger in his life. I cut off my brother because I decided that pulling him from the gutter every time he called me was doing more damage than good. I no longer have any contact with him because it was breaking my heart to hear how far gone he was.
If he’s ever willing to seriously get help, then I’ll be here to help. Until then? I have my own life to fuck up.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Hollis says smoothly. I can just imagine her leaning over her desk as she talks. She has an easy way of talking to you, even when I know she’s just doing her job by checking in with me. “What’s your back up plan for your heats, Kevin? Is that something I can ask?”
I’m allergic to suppressants, so none of those are a possibility. The hormones in them fuck me up. Instead, I’m going to have to go through my heats the old fashioned way.
“I’m researching heat clinics at the moment,” I confess. “I just don’t know which one to choose.”
“I have a suggestion,” she says. “There’s a new heat spa that’s run by friends of mine. They’re not for profit, they vet everyone who comes through their doors, and insist on a full medical work up beforehand so everyone is safe. It’s completely free as well.”
“I can pay,” I hedge. I create and sell computer, phone, and tablet application software, which was what Ryan Hill was attempting to steal from me.
I make a very decent living doing something I’m passionate about, but it also means that I have to hide the more sensitive parts of my work from others.
Marcus, my brother, must have been running his mouth about me while he was playing at Ryan’s bar. In the wrong hands, my work would be very dangerous. Fuck.
Being the younger, more responsible brother isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
“While that’s not necessary,” Hollis stresses, “I’m sure they would appreciate a donation of whatever you feel comfortable with.
You’re an omega, Kevin. This city has its advantages over others.
Please use them. There have been a lot of long hours logged to make them available.
As someone who tends to do this, don’t make your life harder for yourself, okay? ”
Hollis has a pack that adores her. I’m not sure how she could possibly make her life more difficult for herself. I was at her office once when one of them stopped by to bring her fresh flowers from their garden.
It’s nice to have people who do things for you just because they thought you’d enjoy it. I’m over here tying myself up in knots, worried about letting a certain alpha in due to his job as a career criminal. Sure, the sex was amazing, but would he want to use me for what my brain can do?
What I know can be easily weaponized. Coding can create all kinds of programs that could change how criminals operate. I don’t want to be used.
Fiddling with a piece of paper that I need to throw away, I blow out a breath.
“Yeah, I get it, Hollis. Thanks for everything. What’s the name of that heat spa?” I ask. “It feels odd that they’d call it that when there will definitely be happy endings.”
Hollis huffs out a low laugh, making me smirk.
“I guess that’s true. It’s called The Rose Heat Spa.
Everything is very above board, and there are also amenities for before and after your heat,” she explains.
“It’s worth a shot, Kevin. There’s no expectation for anything more than spending time together for your heat, and then you part ways afterward.
They also have the option for you to take a pill that’ll suppress any kind of attachment you may make, but you said you’re allergic to suppressants, right? ”
“I am,” I admit. “It makes things difficult.”
“It’s just a little pivot,” she says. “Tell them that when you check in, and it shouldn’t be an issue. Bond bites are not allowed during your time there unless there’s extenuating circumstances, so you will be safe every step of the way.”
“Okay,” I breathe. “I can handle all of that.”
“Perfect. Look, Kevin. Navigating what you want in this world as an omega isn’t easy,” she says. Even though she’s a little younger than me, she does a solid impression of the older sister I never had. “Give yourself some grace, okay?”
“Thanks, Hollis. For everything,” I murmur, standing. “I’ll see you around.”
Hanging up, I pull up the information for The Rose Heat Spa and begin filling out their contact information as I head to my bedroom. I guess I’m done with my workout, because now I’ve found a side quest that I need to complete.
They want a lot of information, but that’s not a problem.
I’m healthy, I always have sex with a condom, or at least I have until Mr. Sexy as Sin Sullivan.
Ugh, I need to get him out of my head. I know I’m taking a leap of faith that I’ll be able to have a heat without him.
My one saving grace is that they aren’t regular.
We’re from different worlds, and I don’t think I can survive in his, scent match or not.
One month later
April
MORGAN
Glaring at my reflection that’s finally clear of bruising and stretching my back to ensure that I no longer have any pain, I blow out a breath.
I’ve been actively trying to avoid Cian, but it’s become exceptionally difficult in the last month.
Everywhere I look, he’s there. I’ve caught glimpses of him with a young woman in her twenties, and there’s always a light in his gaze and a smile on his lips.
I’m not sure who she is to him, and I can’t ask anyone because that would be bad for my health.
I haven’t gone to a single establishment that Corbin Murphy owns, and yet Cian is diversifying his haunts.
Last night, I almost ran into him at a charity event my cousin asked me to attend with him.
I thought Cian was going to singe a hole through my body with his glare when he caught a glimpse at me.
The real kicker? My cock gets rock hard every time I catch his scent or see him. It’s as if my libido has zero survival skills and wants to put me into an early grave. I would leave Minneapolis entirely again, but my business is here.
I’m a lawyer for very important people in this city, and I can’t afford to leave. Well maybe I could, however, it would put a crimp in my lifestyle. My cousin caught sight of Cian and the way he was looking at me and told me that we should just hate fuck to get over whatever is happening.
That would be too easy, though, right?
I don’t think fucking it out will help.
If anything, the idea gives me heartburn. Cian truly hates me, and I don’t blame him. I knew that Nancy was married, who her husband was, and didn’t give a shit. She told me that it was a marriage of convenience, and that he couldn’t satisfy her.
I should have looked more into things. However, she was pretty and fucked like a porn star. I kept telling myself that I should end the affair. I simply didn’t due to laziness and having to leave town. I decided it was out of sight, out of mind, and that was a mistake on my part.