Chapter 12 #2
He scoffed at the very word. It was a useless emotion. The quest for it had led many a man to his death. Look at his brother Kieran.
And even Ewan. Though Ewan’s body might still be here, his heart and soul were gone. Torn asunder by love.
Sin was a knight of action. A man unto himself. He needed no one. Not now, not ever.
Callie fought against the wave of hopelessness that threatened to overwhelm her as she walked away from Sin, back to her room. Her brother was going to get himself killed and her husband rejected her as if she were poisonous.
Why? What was it with men that they were ever seeking to destroy themselves?
Her father had been the same way. Fighting a hopeless war against an enemy who had never truly harmed him. He had merely wanted the English gone from Scottish soil and had given his life to that cause. And for what?
There was really no way to keep them out. All her father had done was pass on a legacy of suicide to his sons.
“Caledonia?”
She paused at the deep voice behind her and turned to see Lochlan drawing near.
“Are you all right?” Lochlan asked.
“Aye.”
He cocked a blond brow. “You don’t look all right.”
She clenched her teeth and took a deep breath to calm the raging emotions inside her. “I am merely aggravated at your brother, but I am sure it will pass.” Given a century or two, she might even be able to smile at the toad again.
He smiled knowingly. “He has a way of doing that to a person.”
Callie studied the handsome, sculpted lines of Lochlan’s face. He bore very little resemblance to Sin. The only thing the two men shared was height and the fact that both were incredibly pleasing to look at.
Nay, she corrected herself, they shared another trait. As she looked up into those clear blue eyes, she saw Lochlan was every bit as reserved and guarded. And his eyes were tinged by a soul-deep sadness.
“Tell me, was Sin always like this?”
“Like what? Moody, quiet?”
“Aye.”
He nodded.
“Then it’s hopeless, isn’t it? There is no way to reach that man.”
She saw the grimness of Lochlan’s features as he considered her words. “Honestly, if there is a way, I do not know it. But I hope you will continue to try and reach him.”
She frowned at his words and the odd look of him. Strange emotions swept across his face in the span of three heartbeats and then his features returned to calm.
“You have guilt?” She wondered at the source of it.
He sighed wearily and looked around them as if afraid someone might overhear. “More than you can fathom. I lead my clan and yet I know Sin is firstborn. I have no right to my father’s legacy. Everything I have is his by right and by blood. Yet he refuses to take anything from me.”
“Why did your father disown him?”
She amended her list to another thing the brothers shared. An angry tic started in Lochlan’s jaw that reminded her much of Sin’s.
When he spoke, his words wrung her heart.
“In order to be disowned, you must first be recognized as a son. Sin never was. Ewan and Braden were too small to see what Kieran and I did. Our parents lavished the world on us while Sin was delegated to a corner to watch. I hated any holiday where gifts were exchanged. We were given so much while he received nothing at all. I remember one Christmas in particular where I felt so badly for him that I tried to split my gifts with him. He refused, saying that if they had meant for him to have gifts, they would have given him some. He told me I could keep all my gifts and most especially my pity.”
“I don’t understand why he was treated like that.”
Lochlan shook his head. “In truth, neither do I. Believe it or not, my mother is a good woman who loves her sons completely. But she couldn’t bear the sight of Sin.
My father loved her beyond all reason and so he refused to act as if he bore any favoritism to Sin at all.
He went out of his way to prove to her that he didn’t love Sin’s mother and that Sin meant nothing to him as well.
As a result, Sin was shunned. I can’t recall a single time my father ever said his name or looked directly at him. ”
Her heart ached for her husband.
“Our birthdays were always marked by gifts and celebrations. And yet no one, not even Sin, knows what day he was born on. All we know is he’s a few months older than I am, but we don’t know how many.”
Callie struggled to breathe at what Lochlan was telling her. She couldn’t imagine not knowing her own birthday.
Suddenly, another thought occurred to her. “And his name? Where did it come from?”
“My mother gave it to him. When Braden was born and baptized, Sin wanted to know why no one had ever called him anything other than lad or bastard. He asked my father what his Christian name was and my father walked away in silence, shame-faced at the fact no one had ever bothered to name Sin or have him baptized. So, my mother spoke up. She said if he wanted a name so much, then he should be named accordingly.”
Callie saw the raw agony in his heart as he spoke his next words in a low tone.
“My mother said he was conceived in sin, born in sin, and that he would die that way. Therefore, the only name to give him would be Sin.”
Lochlan’s eyes turned dull. “I shall never forget the stricken look on his face. Then, he threw his shoulders back and told her fine. Sin it would be. The priest claims people love sin, he said proudly, maybe if I am Sin, someone will love me, too.”
Callie closed her eyes at the horror of it. How she regretted her harsh words to him. She should never have lost patience with Sin. He’d known enough heartache to last a million lifetimes.
“Lochlan, do you think a man can change?”
“I don’t know, Callie. I just don’t know.”
Taking a deep breath, she said goodbye to him and made her way to her room. She had plans to make. Plans that included seducing her lost, wayward husband. And this time he would have no escape from her.