Chapter 19
Krys stroked my side as our insatiable kiss deepened, his possessive touch unraveling my desire, erasing any doubt that he wanted this too. When his tongue reached for mine, it lit a fire in my belly and awakened my wolf.
“Go, Virgil! It’s your birthday!” Darcy’s nettlesome cheers wouldn’t ruin this moment—I wouldn’t allow it.
The kiss tapered off like a stew simmering after a rolling boil. When he nibbled on my bottom lip before pulling back, my dick twitched. Krys kissed me like he meant it, like he’d done it a million times before in his head.
His forehead touched mine. “What’s your ghost think about that?”
On a shaky breath, I said, “I don’t know. She left the room.”
Darcy sighed. “Fine. I’ll go babysit. But I better hear some action going on in here.”
Then she disappeared out of my peripheral vision.
My hand roved down the cords of muscle on his neck to his collarbone, his skin deliciously warm.
I kissed the corner of his mouth to convince myself this wasn’t a dream, and when I did, it struck a chord deep within me.
Maybe it was my wolf stirring, but whatever it was, this felt more than physical.
“I’m so damn into you,” I whispered.
“Bullshit.” Only then did he pull away.
I twisted to face him. “Why do you think I’m always hitching a ride with you when we have all those cars? It’s the only time I can touch you… like this.” When I stroked his thigh, his eyes hooded. “Are you okay with it?”
He quickly nodded.
A smile played on my lips. “I had a feeling you were repressing latent sexual desires.”
His eyebrows gathered in the middle. “How?”
“Our first kiss.”
He scoffed and shook his head. “You forced yourself on me.”
“True. But straight men don’t kiss back. You also sneak looks at men when you don’t think anyone’s paying attention.”
Now he looked irritated and narrowed his eyes. “What else?”
I shrugged. “You hold their gaze a little longer. I never see you admiring women the rest of us are gawking at. But… if you and Lacy are hooking up—”
“I’m not with Lacy.”
I barked out a laugh. “Liar, liar, pants on fire. I know all about little Miss Lacy sneaking up to your room at night. It must be a riveting game of Scrabble with all the grunting and moaning. Does Robyn know her clients are paying you visits?”
“I’ve told her to stay out. She creeps up there like some kind of sex burglar.”
I burst out laughing. “Maybe she wants to get pregnant.”
Krys rubbed his nose. “We don’t have sex. She does… other stuff. She provides a free service.”
I patted his stomach. “Sure. Like waxing your car.”
He shrugged nonchalantly.
“Not everyone’s brave enough to act on their desires.” With my left hand still on his stomach, I stroked. “Does this mean you’re only attracted to men?”
He flipped his long hair to the other side. “I don’t know what to call it. I just feel different. Always have, but I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“I don’t know… Shit. I don’t know.” He rubbed his hand over his face.
“If you think everyone has it figured out early on, you’re wrong,” I assured him, empathizing with the difficult task of sorting through those turbulent emotions. “It took me a while. I wasn’t sure if I liked men or women. As it turns out, I like both.”
“At the same time?”
I leaned on my right arm and smiled. “I’ve tried that, but no, threesomes aren’t my jam.
In the beginning, my attraction to both didn’t make sense.
Keep in mind this was the 1800s, and we didn’t live in a swinging town when I was going through all my feelings.
Time marched on, and I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me since I couldn’t choose one or the other.
I didn’t have anyone to talk to until I moved to the big city.
Even then…” My gaze fixed on his mouth because he was biting his lip again.
“People don’t wake up one day and decide they’re this or that.
Those feelings are always there, but we suppress them for different reasons.
When I got older and traveled, I met all kinds of people.
They helped me see that I wasn’t trapped in a limbo of indecision. ”
“So you could mate with a woman, and that would be enough? Or…”
“Or would I want the other?” I shook my head, uncertain how to answer. “I’m attracted to the person. If I found my other half, it wouldn’t matter if they were a man or a woman. And no, I’m not into more than one mate. My wolf is a monogamous little bastard.”
He tossed one of the pillows onto the floor and scooted onto his back, fingers locked behind his head, hardened gaze fixed on the ceiling.
Questions swirled in my mind, and despite the intimate kiss, I still felt nervous asking him invasive questions he might not be willing to answer. “Have you ever been with a man? Not just sex but anything more than friends.”
He shook his head.
At his age, it certainly complicated matters that he had never confronted his desires.
He put his arms down and laced his fingers across his chest. “I’ve never told anyone this. In captivity, whenever I got hard, it was just a basic primal need… like hunger. But then I started fantasizing while doing it, and the images were always of guys.”
I wanted to know if his captors had done anything to him, but he was in a fragile state, so I let him tell his story the way he wanted.
Krys sighed. “I lost my virginity to a woman. It was after a big fight, and that was my reward. She was fucking hot, and even you would’ve wagged your tail over this girl.”
“What was it like?”
“Terrifying. She was so experienced, and I wasn’t into it. I don’t know,” he said on a sigh. “I assumed it was first-time jitters. When I finally left that place, I only hooked up with women.”
“Why?”
“That’s what you’re supposed to do.”
I arched an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, which handbook was that in?”
He lifted the bottle of water from the nightstand and unscrewed the cap.
“Maybe I’m messed up. Sex doesn’t feel right.
At some point, I always lose interest.” He gulped down the water and then screwed the cap on.
“I thought maybe I hadn’t found my type, so I hooked up with all types of women.
Petite, dark, blond, redhead, busty, thick, butch—none of it made a difference.
Even when I fantasize about them, my hard-on goes south.
” Krys tilted his head toward me. “But every damn time I’ve thought about that kiss, I get so fucking hard. It never goes down.”
When I saw his dick twitch, I detected no lies.
He set the bottle on the table.
I sat all the way up. “Why do you keep trying with women? That’s like saying you hate hamburgers, but you keep trying one everywhere you go. Maybe you’re a hot dog guy. Ever think of that? You keep convincing yourself you need to like hamburgers.”
“Maybe I’m a vegetarian.”
“You could’ve hooked up with one of the men in Storybook to find out if that’s what you’ve been missing. You know who they are.”
“I can’t walk up to a guy like that.”
“It’s no different than approaching a woman.”
“Yeah, but they might laugh at me.” He folded his arms.
Is he crazy? Any guy would be lucky if someone like Krys flirted with him.
“What’s really scaring you?” I asked.
He remained quiet for a beat before answering. “What if it has nothing to do with women? What if I’m too fucking broken to work for anyone?”
Not all of us were brave enough to say our fears out loud, but there it was—his raw confession laid out in the open.
His jaw set. “I can only stay hard when they go down on me. I’m not into sex. When they start moaning and making noise, that’s when I can’t.”
I jumped to my feet and dragged one of my bags next to the bed. After pulling out an energy drink, I cracked the lid and took a sip. The way this night was going, I’d need all the caffeine I could get. Krys also needed a short intermission to gather his thoughts.
I set the can on the nightstand. “Have you ever talked to Archer about this?”
“Hell no.”
“He’s cool with me. Even before he knew, I never heard him say anything sketchy. He might already know.”
Krys flicked his gaze up. “Why do you say that?”
I sat at the foot of the bed and crossed my legs. “You’re the master of playing hard to get. Women circle you like vultures. You’re catnip to anyone who loves a challenge, but you’re too hard to get. He might’ve wondered.”
“I doubt it. Do the others talk about me?”
I shook my head. “It’s not a crime to be confused. You’re probably worried how they’ll react or whether you’ll be letting Tak down. I’m the master of letdowns. Tak still hasn’t forgiven me for the birthing-pool fiasco…”
“Back to the point.”
“Right. The point.”
He cracked a smile. “You get lost in your stories.”
“Is that your nice way of telling me to shut up?” I crawled onto the bed and draped myself across his legs, my head propped against my fist. “All I’m saying is I know what it’s like to be in your shoes.
At least talk to Archer. He’s a mellow dude, and you two are family.
I don’t have anyone like that to confide in. ”
A whole world of emotions was wrapped up in his reflective gaze.
I once talked with a woman over drinks who admitted to having had sex with Krys.
She said it was weird, and I asked why. Krys wrapped a belt around his neck and wanted the lights off.
Everyone had their kinks, so I waved it off.
According to her, the sex was great, but before she climaxed, he went soft.
He told her it was the booze, and maybe it was, but now I wondered if it wasn’t the sound of a feminine voice.
Something was triggering his body to react.
It might explain why he liked head and doing it in the dark. Would he act that way if a man moaned?
Krys was a puzzle I wanted to solve.
His eyes skated down to my bare chest and legs, and when I realized he was soaking me in, I extended my arm and stroked my way up his thigh. Had he ever looked at me this way when I wasn’t paying attention? I wondered, because his gaze caressed me like an old friend.