Chapter 27
“How are you feeling?” Krys asked. “We can pull over again.”
I propped my elbow against the door and rubbed my throbbing forehead. The second half of the previous night was a blur. The only part I remembered with clarity was fighting with Krys and ending it.
My hangover reminded me how much I hated getting drunk on alcohol. Sensory magic worked in small doses without all the unpleasant aftereffects. When imbued in alcohol, it intensified the experience. Sensors could spike nonalcoholic drinks if they wanted, but who went to a bar for lemonade?
My head is killing me. I deserve this.
Because of my hangover, we got a late start. Krys pulled over twice because I was getting nauseated from the motion.
I ruined everything.
Last night was perfect until I locked eyes with a phantom. He stalked me, and the others noticed. It was harder to spot them in a bar with so many unfamiliar faces and dark lighting. I figured a shot of Everclear might do the trick, and that was when things got fuzzy.
My sunglasses were irritating my nose, so I took them off and squinted at the morning sun, which felt like shrapnel against my retinas. Now I knew what Vampires felt like going out in the daytime.
Darcy’s head poked into view from the rear seat. “You really blew it last night. I can’t believe you said all that mean stuff and dumped him.”
I ran my hand through her face as if I could shove her back. “Go away.”
Krys looked over his shoulder. “Leave him alone. He’s not feeling good.”
I arched my eyebrows with surprise when I heard Krys sticking up for me.
To be honest, I didn’t hate Darcy. Sure, she was incredibly annoying, but she didn’t beg for help, threaten me with malevolent words, or sing all night to keep me awake.
She followed our rules, gave us privacy, and was even excited when I told her that Krys had asked me out on a date.
It was almost like having a kid sister. She just wanted to feel seen.
Remembering how good it felt to sing onstage, I realized that was all I ever wanted—to be seen.
“Does that bother you?” Krys lowered the volume of the radio. “I can turn it off.”
“Quit coddling.”
“I’m only trying to avoid projectile vomiting,” he said while cleaning his dark shades with the hem of his shirt.
I thought about Krys’s suggestion of using a code word for ghosts.
No one had ever made an effort to make my life easier, and I liked having someone in my corner.
But Darcy was right. I blew it. I hated myself for ending it, but I would only become his regret.
It was too much work to love someone like me, and I couldn’t put him through that.
Most of all, I was scared of falling so deep that I’d never recover.
Just as well. He would’ve gotten sick of this bullshit and left on his own. I’m a walking disaster. Better to end it before feelings develop.
Too late. My wolf loved him, and I knew that now more than ever. I was two feet away and had never felt more distance between us.
While finishing my electrolyte drink, I wondered if Krys would unburden himself from his secret and be open with the pack about his sexuality. I hoped so. He deserved to be happy even if it wasn’t with me.
If only I could stop thinking about him. Our intimate talks, the way he watched me onstage as if I was the center of his universe, and when he swooped in like a hero to stop Mohawk Man from pounding my ass into the dance floor.
Krys put on the blinker and pulled into a gas station. We weren’t on a main highway yet, and we had a full tank of gas. He got out, shades on, wind blowing his sexy long hair as he entered the convenience store.
I looked away. “Fuck. I love him.”
Darcy’s entire body shot through me and into my lap. “What did you just say? I heard you! You love him! Tell him. Dude, you can’t just sit here with that big secret.” She scooched onto the center console. “Tell him you didn’t mean all that stuff you said last night.”
“But I did.”
“Why is this so hard?” she went on.
“Because Virgil Nightingale doesn’t do love.”
“But he loves you.”
I laughed, unable to stop. Infatuated for sure. But in love?
“He does!” she insisted.
“I’m sure he told you that.”
“He doesn’t have to. It’s the way he looked at you in the car last night on the way to the roadhouse.
He walked a mile this morning with that heavy chest full of water so you could wash up.
You two have this indescribable cosmic energy that’s totally awesome to watch.
When you talk, he listens. And I don’t mean he pretends—he really listens.
I came into the tent last night while you were passed out.
He was worried about you. He should’ve been upset or mad after you dumped him—”
“I didn’t dump him. I told him we couldn’t keep doing this.”
“As I was saying, after you dumped him, he stroked your back as if he could magically rub away your hangover. Nobody looks at me the way he looks at you when you’re not aware. Nobody looks at me at all.”
“I’m not up for a therapy session.”
“All I’m saying is he looks at you like he’s loved you for years. You’re just figuring it out, and you don’t even want to give it a chance. What a waste.” She flew into the back seat and didn’t say another word.
Krys emerged from the store with a sack in his hand.
When he got in the car, he showed me his purchase.
First was a bottle of medicine for my stomach.
He gave it a little shake, filled the tiny plastic cup it came with, and watched me drink it.
After he set it in the drink holder, he handed me a cold bottle of water and a small box.
“Cookies,” he said. “Peanut butter. That should settle your stomach.”
“Your favorite cookies,” Darcy chimed in from the back seat. “I’m sure it means nothing.”
With each mile marker that passed during our drive, I regretted all the cruel things I’d said. I hid my pain last night and didn’t trust him enough to tell him what was going on. I was trapped in an endless cycle without a clue of how to escape.
I severed our relationship, and he bought me cookies.
Krys rested his arm on the center console and held my hand.
I gave him a cautious glance. “What’s this supposed to mean?”
Without taking his eyes off the road, he said, “It means we’re two assholes who didn’t want a relationship, and yet here we are.”
“I already told you it’s over.”
“You mean when you were shit-faced and having a pity party? I’ve been there. If you think that’s enough to scare me off, you don’t know me.”
Words could never be retracted once spoken aloud. They lived on repeat in people’s minds, so I had surrendered without a fight. I wanted to apologize all morning but didn’t think it would matter. Feeling his hand on mine and knowing he understood allowed me to breathe again.
I turned my gaze out the window.
Krys squeezed my hand. “I’m not about to make you feel like shit for something you can’t help.
I’m only asking that you don’t cut me off.
Maybe you didn’t tell me about the ghosts last night because you thought we’d have to leave, but who cares?
If I’d known those specters were harassing you, I would’ve taken you out of there in a flash. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
Damn. That meant something.
“It’s not about me,” he continued. “It’s about us.”
I twisted my head toward him. “Us?”
When he looked at me, he let his shades slide down his nose to show me his piercing blue eyes. “Yeah. Us.”
“You need to figure out what you want first.”
“You keep saying I need time. Are you scared I’ll change my mind?”
“I don’t want to trap you.”
“Nobody traps me. I make my own choices, and I choose you.” After a beat, he took off his shades and tossed them into a cubby. “What do you think Tak will say? Did he ever mention if they had guys like us in his old tribe?”
I arched my eyebrows. “Guys like us. You mean a crazy-ass wolf no one can get near and a crossbreed?”
“I’m serious. Packs want to grow. They like family and all that shit. They focus on real couples.”
I retracted my arm. “So now we’re not a real couple? What’s not real?” I rubbed my weary eyes. “Please don’t make me your therapist. I don’t have the time. You’ll have to figure out on your own how real this is. You’re Mr. Badass. I once saw you beat a guy senseless for touching your bike.”
“What’s your point?”
“If you’re willing to fight harder for your bike than me, maybe…”
The tires screeched as he veered off the road. I gripped the armrest, bracing for impact. Krys hit the brakes a few feet from a tree and got out.
“Now you’ve done it,” Darcy taunted from the back seat. “He’s about to throw us out.”
“Then feel free to go with him,” I bit out.
Krys yanked my door open. I stiffened, preparing for him to toss me into the grass.
He anchored his arms on the side and roof and leaned in, the cords of muscle in his arms taut.
I’d never seen him so emotionally distraught.
“I know I’m not exactly a prize. I’ve done shit my own parents can’t forgive me for.
But if there’s one thing I’m willing to fight for, it’s us.
Yeah, I’ve got questions about what’ll go down when we get back home.
That’s something we should talk about. This is new to me, and I don’t mean just being with a man.
I’ve never been in a relationship before, and I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up.
” Krys rested his forehead against his arm and stared down at me.
“Everything you deserve to hear sounds stupid coming out of my mouth, but I love you. I don’t know if that matters to you, but it matters to me.
You’re all my wolf wants—you’re all I want.
Whenever I heard you sing, it made me wish… ”
I flicked my gaze up. “Wish what?”