Chapter 45
Dean
Lily flung herself from the bed so fast I thought someone had barged into her room and startled her.
I woke up ready to punch a stranger in the throat. Instead, I watched as she raced into the bathroom and shut the door.
Yawning, I glanced at the curtains. It was morning.
I got out of bed with a sense of déjà vu and made the half asleep walk to the bathroom door, blinking to wake myself up.
The sound of retching, muffled by the door, pulled my thoughts to focus.
“Lily?” I knocked lightly.
“Don’t come in here—” More retching cut her off.
“It’s nothin’ I haven’t seen before.”
“This is different.” She paused, groaning. “If you really want to come in…”
I slowly opened the door to find her hunched over the toilet. She looked up at me, face pale, but then pressed her lips together to force back what was coming up. It didn’t work, and she quickly pulled back her hair as she vomited into the toilet again.
I stepped in behind her and gathered her hair in my hands. After a minute, the vomiting eased, and she wiped her mouth with toilet paper as she sat on the floor, still not looking entirely better.
“I could carry you back to bed,” I suggested, crouching beside her.
Lily shook her head but smiled faintly. “I can walk. I think the motion of being lifted might set me off again.”
“Fair enough.” I offered her my hand to help her up. She took it gladly and slowly stood with me. “I’ll get you some water—”
She paused suddenly, and I wondered if she needed to vomit again based on the way her eyes had widened, and her hand went to her stomach. Before I could say anything, Lily brushed past me on her way to the bedroom.
I followed and slowed to a stop outside the bathroom as she rummaged through her nightstand and pulled out a planner.
I frowned. My brain was still processing the vomiting. And that I needed to get her water.
Lily started counting back the days as she made her way to me. A faint wrinkle formed between her eyebrows as she frowned, mostly in confusion. Her eyes slowly lifted off the page. “I’m not due for my period yet, but…”
I couldn’t help but glance at her stomach.
Mine seemed to drop ten feet.
Her throat bobbed. “You don’t think…”
Great. I’ve knocked up my girlfriend right before I go to prison—
The bedroom door swung open, and Seb rushed through it. Bypassing us, he raced into Lily’s bathroom with one hand on his stomach and the other over his mouth.
“Kira’s in the other bathroom—We shouldn’t have had that chicken pizza,” he groaned as he pulled the door shut. “Sorry!”
Lily leaned against the wall, resting her head back. “It’s food poisoning… How come you aren’t affected?”
“Didn’t eat the chicken,” I shrugged.
“Smart.” She rubbed at her stomach again.
“You good though?”
“I need to sit down. My life just flashed before my eyes… And I need to let work know I’m not coming in today.”
I chuckled and stepped aside as she made her way back to bed, crawling under the covers like she was about to hibernate for the rest of the year. Until she paused, flung the covers back, and ran into the bathroom again.
The mild food poisoning settled itself early in the afternoon.
Toast, apple juice, scrambled eggs, and water were the only things on the menu for all three of them, and they managed to keep each meal down after their morning of sharing two bathrooms.
Kira and Seb had hunkered down in the living room, with blankets swallowing them into the couch and mugs of green tea waiting on the coffee table as they watched TV.
Kira had said green tea was good for stomach problems, so I left the apartment and bought plenty as a precaution.
Along with a fresh supply of recovery foods for when they felt up to eating something with more substance.
After putting away the groceries and making the mentioned teas, I went to Lily’s room — green tea in hand. She was sitting up in bed on the side closest to the bathroom, sketching in her notebook. There was color in her cheeks again, and her eyes were clearer.
“Did you want anythin’ to eat?”
“No, thank you.”
I set the tea on the nightstand while she put her notebook aside.
A hesitant look came over her face as she played with the hem of the bed sheet.
I paused, half smiling. “What?”
“I have a question.”
“I can see that.”
“I’m wondering how to word it.”
I shrugged. “Speak your mind?”
She huffed. “Well… Since most couples would have this conversation at some point…to address the elephant in the room…” Her eyes traveled over me in thought before she straightened, clasping her hands together in her lap. “What is your stance on kids?”
My brow rose. “Oh.”
She pressed her lips together. “Maybe not a conversation we’re ready for?”
“No-no-no, I just wasn’t expectin’ it.” I sat on the edge of the bed. “I don’t think I’m suited to havin’ them.”
Well, that sounded a little finite…
I expected her to withdraw, but her eyes remained fixed on me in understanding. That look alone urged me to keep talking.
“My life isn’t kid friendly,” I reiterated.
“But hypothetically, if it were kid friendly, would you want them?”
My life before Lily consisted of living day to day with no thought of the future.
Suddenly, she was casting a light on possibilities I once thought were impossible.
Sitting down and picturing myself with kids was something I didn’t do, and here I was doing it like I wasn’t going to be arrested in a week.
“Maybe. With the right person.” The way her eyes were smiling made me continue. We knew realistically it couldn’t happen. But this conversation? If talking about happy futures and babies kept that smile on Lily’s face, then I would hypothesize for the rest of my free life. “What about you?”
Lily hugged her knees to her chest. The eager gleam in her eyes told me she had thought about it before, maybe more than once.
“I don’t know. I think my mother’s ideals might have formed the way I think about it.
While she’s a career woman at heart, she also has strong family values.
She expects Jane and me to settle down and have a family of our own…
while taking over at the agency when she retires…
I could easily picture myself with kids, living the typical suburban life that she expects me to have.
But I also want to travel and live first…
” She stopped herself. “As you said, with the right person, maybe? But, if I were to have them, it won’t be until I’m at least thirty. ”
I mocked a frown. “And, uh, who do you plan on havin’ these kids with? Because a prison sentence for blackmail alone can put me away for a long time.”
Lily’s mouth dropped open in shock, but there was a smile hidden at the corners of her lips.
“Too soon?”
“Yes,” she laughed, shoving at my bicep.
It barely moved me, so I leaned closer. “There are conjugal visits. Not at Rikers, but other places.”
“Oh, how romantic.”
I half smiled. “So, hypothetically, you’d have my kids?”
Her cheeks flushed red, and she shrugged. “Hypothetically.”
“Even if they inherited my attitude?”
Her smile grew wider. “I’d expect them to have it.”
I didn’t think I could love this woman any more than I already did.
Lily cast her eyes down. “But who knows? Maybe I’ll be living in an apartment full of art, books, and cats by the time I’m thirty. Sending you letters… Maybe the conjugal visits won’t be so bad.”
I braced my knuckles into the mattress, either side of her thighs, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. When I pulled back, I cocked my head to one side. “If it helps, I don’t look too bad in orange.”
She fought back a smile until she could no longer.
A couple of hours later, as we lay on her bed watching the sunlight pass through our interlocked fingers, and Lily finished laughing softly at something I said, my phone buzzed on the nightstand.
“Mom. Hey. Everythin’ alright?” I answered, holding the phone to my ear while I lay there.
“Everything is fine,” Mom responded. “But you have not been home for a while. Have you finally moved in with Lily?”
She knew about my arrest, but she just didn’t know it would happen in a week. I hadn’t had the chance to tell her yet.
I glanced at Lily. She was listening to my half of the conversation with a faint smile. “No, I haven’t.”
Mom sighed. I could picture her shaking her head.
“What are your plans for your birthday tomorrow? And please don’t say nothin’,” she mocked.
I didn’t not like birthdays. It was the fuss that went into them that made me want to avoid my own. My life was already chaotic enough.
“Work.”
“Dean.”
Lily sat up and whispered, “Is this about your birthday?”
I nodded and tapped my phone screen. “You’re on speaker, Mom. Lily is here.”
“Don’t worry, Sofia. We’re going out for drinks tomorrow night,” Lily smiled, leaning against my arm.
I raised a brow at her. “Did you forget you all had food poisoning today?”
Mom gasped. “Food poisoning?”
“It’s cleared up now.” Lily poked my bicep. “You’re not getting out of celebrating this birthday.”
“I agree,” Mom added.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and huffed a laugh. “I never said I wasn’t going.”
Probably wasn’t the best idea to even be leaving the apartment, considering Mark’s warning about laying low, but my birthday coinciding with Halloween had offered up a good cover to hide in plain sight.
“We should go to your mom's on Saturday for lunch too,” Lily added.
“Ooh, yes!” Mom exclaimed. “Grazie, Lily.”
Lily smiled proudly.
I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t stop smiling either. “Did you need anythin’ done today, Mom?”
“No, I just wanted to hear from you. But I can’t wait to see you both this weekend. I will make cannoli just for you, Lily.”
Lily hummed beside me. “I’m already salivating.”
Mom laughed. “Well, I will let you go now. Give my love to the others.”
“Will do.”
“Byeee,” Lily sang happily.
“Vi voglio bene a entrambi.”
“Love you too, Mom.” I waited for her to hang up first before I tossed my phone onto the covers, stretching my arms above my head before loosely draping one around Lily.
After a moment, Lily rolled onto her side to face me.
“Random question: If you’re Sicilian, why do you only speak Italian?”
“I know how to say the basics in Sicilian, and how to order a gelato. Mom can speak it fluently.” I rested my head back on the headboard with a heavy sigh.
“My father only knew Italian. He was born Sicilian too, but he grew up in the north before coming to Palermo… He hated the idea that we could hold a conversation he couldn’t understand, so he banned us from speaking it. ”
“Sorry.” She gave a self-deprecating shake of her head. “I should’ve thought before I brought it up.”
I gently gripped her chin, turning her face towards me. “All you’ve brought up is the reminder that maybe I should practice my Sicilian. At least for Mom’s sake.”
“And I should probably learn Italian for yours,” she added with a thoughtful nod.
“You should. That way, during those conjugal visits we can talk without the correctional officers knowing what we’re sayin’.” I gently squeezed her side, and she let out a half giggle, half squeal before she pulled away to kneel beside me.
“Let’s start now.”
Was my garage boss pleased that I skipped an entire Thursday to spend time with my girlfriend while she recovered from a mild case of food poisoning? No. There was a backlog of cars that needed attention.
Did I care? Also no.
I would take whatever jobs I could tomorrow, on my birthday. I would also put in my two-week notice and let him know that I wouldn’t be coming back for a while. For now, though, something else was on my mind.
I had told the others I had forgotten something at the store, but I had other plans that took about an hour to get done.
These plans had a lot to do with the smudged drawing of two small birds on my left wrist and the desire to show Lily some appreciation for her enthusiasm during her lax Italian lesson.
When I returned, it was just Lily in the apartment — Seb had either left for home and taken Kira with him, or they had stepped out for some fresh air. Lily, meanwhile, was in the kitchen as I stepped into the living room.
She was sipping from a glass of water, standing by the counter, when her eyes landed on the second skin plastered on my wrist.
Her welcoming smile spread. “What’s that?”
“Oh, this?” I lifted my wrist lazily for emphasis as I moved towards her. “It’s just a sketch.”
Her eyes sparkled, and she lifted my wrist to get a better look at the fresh tattoo of her two little birds.
I ducked my head to kiss her cheek. “Now I’ll have a little piece of your art with me wherever I go.”
Her eyebrows pulled up in the middle, and there was a slight pout in her bottom lip.
I cupped her face and kissed her slowly.
She mirrored the action, tilting her head to allow me in.