Chapter 49
Dean
For years, I had mastered the art of shoving all the traumatic shit I was exposed to throughout my miserable life down inside me, but this?
Rage and raw emotion leaked through the giant hole carved into my chest.
I needed to focus, but my fucking thoughts — the memories, the what ifs, the last words I said to her — refused to cooperate. I couldn’t make them go away.
I couldn’t stop these fucking tears.
I was balancing on the edge, holding my shit together because completely losing it in a hospital conference room wouldn’t change what happened.
I knew who did it even if they hadn’t admitted it yet. It was too similar to Roxy’s death. The fire. The explosiveness of it. The damage was so profound that it would send shockwaves through Antonio’s business and his people. They didn’t care who got hurt along the way.
But I failed her.
“Dad’s here,” Lily said.
I didn’t bother looking away from the floor-to-ceiling window as the detective walked into the room. He organized the room so we had somewhere private to talk. And for him to offer his condolences.
I didn’t want to talk.
My eyes were fixed on the gloomy city. The sun was covered by a thick layer of cloud that was heavy with rain. And somewhere out there, Antonio’s kids were walking around like nothing happened.
Lily told Mark about the flower and the way it was left on my car, and who we thought left it.
If we had left the apartment earlier, I could’ve gotten her out.
“Did Gabriele know Lily’s name at all?” Mark asked.
“No,” I said firmly.
“But the flower obviously meant something.” Lily’s voice was gentle but edged with emotion.
“It was clearly a message for—” Mark stopped himself. I could feel his eyes on my back. “Do you have any idea when it was put on the car?”
My nostrils flared, and I shut my eyes. This was a fucking waste of time.
“We went out last night, and it wasn’t there when we came home, which was around 3 AM,” Lily explained.
“You went out.” His tone grew sharp, and I knew the next part was directed at me. “I warned you to lay low.”
“Dad, please.”
“What difference would it have made?” I looked across my shoulder at Mark and turned around, moving away from the window, stalking towards him. “They shot the cops that were meant to protect her.”
“You both should’ve known better than to go out.” He shared his disapproving glare evenly between Lily and me. “It was reckless—”
My patience snapped, and I shoved him against the wall with fistfuls of his suit in my hands. The force shook the wall, and a canvas artwork fell from its hook nearby.
Mark raised his hands. “I know you’re upset—”
“You wanna talk reckless?” I hissed darkly through my teeth. “You got me involved in your fuckin’ investigation through blackmail. You threatened to have my mother deported, and now she’s fuckin’ dead all because you just couldn’t arrest me.”
“Dean.” The worried tone in Lily’s voice pulled my attention to her.
The anger in me, the kind that tempted me to step back behind those walls to keep people out, had nothing against her. She kept me from drifting. Multiple times.
I blinked back the tears in my eyes and released her father, taking a step away. My hands shook at my sides as I looked towards the door, where two cops stood. They saw me shove the detective and were ready to intervene.
I sniffed sharply and wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. Fresh waves of emotion were beginning to rise through my insides, and I felt suffocated. The hospital wasn’t helping. Too much bad shit happened in hospitals.
My chest felt tight.
“I need to get out of here.”
“Okay, we can do that.” Lily stepped towards me, but Mark gently took her arm. His eyes were on me, watching me cautiously.
He thought I would hurt her.
“We still need your statements, and he is in no state to drive. You should both wait here,” he said.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do right now,” I warned.
“Her death was not my fault, Dean.”
My jaw tightened as another tear rolled down my cheek. I looked at Lily. “If you wanna stay, it’s fine. But I need to go.”
“No. I’m going with you.” Lily shrugged her father’s hand from her arm and spoke clearly. “You can send someone to the apartment to get our statements.”
“Lily,” he lowered his voice, “I don’t want you getting in a car with him.”
I rolled my head back out of frustration, stuffing my fists deep in my pockets.
“I don’t want him going through this alone,” she retorted calmly. “We’re going.”
We started for the door, and the cops gradually stepped aside to let us pass, but Mark was adamant to get at least one more word in.
“Do not do anything reckless.”
The Cadillac rolled to a stop outside the apartment as rain began to patter across the windshield.
I switched off the engine, unable to say a word as we sat still.
It all felt so much darker now.
Lily also looked like she was one trigger away from crying. Her eyes were red, and tears clung to her eyelashes.
“Come upstairs,” she said softly.
I gave her a single, subtle nod and waited for her to move first. I needed to clear my head, air my frustrations, and try not to get caught or killed.
In the rearview mirror, a police car pulled into the street.
They were some distance away, but I knew they were here for Lily’s protection and our statements.
There was no way Mark would delay getting those or risk me driving his daughter without a tail.
He would want to make sure she got home safe, and with the arrival of the police, they could tell him that.
Lily shut her door. The second she stepped away from the car, I leaned over and manually locked it.
When she realized it was too late, she tried the door handle. “Dean, don’t—”
The plea in her voice was cut off as I turned the key over. The engine rumbled deep, and I refused to look at her in case doing so changed my mind.
I shoved the gear stick into drive and pushed down hard on the accelerator, sending the back tires skidding until the car lurched into the street. There were no lights in my rearview, and no sirens to be heard. Even if there was, I doubted I would stop.