Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
JAXON/JAX
Now
Silent Victories & Forbidden Anticipation
Hope has terrible timing, especially when it arrives carrying someone else’s secrets.
“Jaxon.” Natalie jumps up from her desk as I pass her office. “Can I steal you for two minutes?”
“Yes, but I have a few pressing meetings, so I only have a moment.” I continue to the end of the hallway to my office.
She follows with her notebook in hand. “I’m surprised you came in today.”
“Why?”
“Didn’t you just get back from Aspen?”
I place my briefcase down and take off my suit jacket. “No, I’ve been working from home for the last week.”
“You said you were unavailable.” Natalie sits in the chair across from my desk.
“I was.”
“But you only do that when you’re in Aspen.” She flips to a blank page.
I give her a stony stare. “I needed the quiet of my home.”
She presses her lips together and nods. “We all need that sometimes.”
“What can I help you with?”
“I wanted to coordinate our calendars. We haven’t met in person, and you know that never works.”
“Natalie, you have total access to my schedule.” I sit and bring my gaze to her level. “What’s this really about?”
“I know you said it’s…” She takes a deep inhale and speaks on the exhale. “Livianna stopped by here.”
“When?”
“Well, today is Wednesday, and you haven’t been in since last Wednesday, so that means every day since you’ve been gone.”
My heart squeezes. I thought she was done with me, but maybe not.
“Why didn’t you have her call me?”
Natalie shuts her notebook. “You said you were unavailable, and I shared that with her.”
“And you didn’t think I should know about this while I was away?”
“Jaxon, your rules have always been?—”
“I know what my rules are.” I set up my laptop. “Has she stopped by today?”
“Yes.” Natalie stands with a heavy sigh. “Jaxon, she’s getting married.”
“That’s not why I asked if she had stopped by.” I rise to Natalie’s level. “Livianna must need something.”
“She always…” Natalie swipes her hair behind her shoulder. “I’m just saying, if you need a friend, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, but I’m fine. The time away was used well. I’m completely relaxed now.”
“You seem it.” Natalie turns to leave, but peeks back at me. “Would you like me to attend your meetings today?”
“Yes, please take notes.”
“Is anyone else from CVI attending?”
“No. They’re all recurring updates from some of the companies I’ve invested in. We’re just going over the mid-year reporting.”
She smiles. “I’ll meet you in the conference room when you’re ready.”
Once she leaves, I instantly want to run across the way and into Livianna’s studio. But I stop myself. I’m willing to help her, but I need to attempt to move on from what we had. Our fate is sealed, and it’s time I accept it. If only my heart would let me.
“Good night, Jaxon.” Natalie sticks her head in my office. “Will you be in tomorrow?”
I glance at the clock and it shows 7:00 PM. “Where did the time go?”
“It’s always like this when you take a vacation.”
“True.” I rub my tired eyes. “Tomorrow will be just like any other day.”
“Great. See you then.” She leaves.
I gather my belongings and get ready to go home. Once I’m in the hallway that leads to the elevators, I notice a light on in Livianna’s studio.
The door opens, and a cleaning lady comes into view with her cart full of supplies.
“Let me help.” I hold the door for her.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Of course.” I peek inside. “Is anyone in there?”
“Yes, sir. Miss Hemings is still working.”
“Thanks.” I step inside, letting the door shut with a soft click.
I stride toward Livianna’s work area. The lights are dimmed, and there’s a sniffling coming from where she is.
“Livianna.” I tap on the open door and glance around.
She’s tucked into a corner of her couch, crying into her palms. My chest aches.
I don’t think she knows I’m here.
I place my briefcase on her table as I pass and sit beside her. “Livianna, what’s wrong?”
She lifts her red-rimmed eyes to mine. “Nobody here needs me.”
“What? That’s not true.”
“It is. This place runs without me. I don’t even know why I come in.” She brushes her tears away with the side of her hand.
“Hey. Wait a second.” I shift back to give myself more distance. My instinct is to hold her and calm her worries, but I can’t do that anymore. “Why is this bothering you?”
“Because it’s my company, and it doesn’t feel like it.” She wipes her nose with a tissue she has. “They have meetings without me all the time.”
“You built Lehlani Rose Designs so you could work from anywhere, and your team could continue on with the daily operations whether you are here or not. They do that because that’s how you trained them.”
She straightens her spine. “Why would I do that?”
Because we wanted to be able to travel.
I swallow the words I want to say. “You’re the visionary, Livianna. You’re always in charge, but you wanted your staff to be self-sufficient. You thought you would need to travel a lot.”
She softens. “That sounds like something I would want, but…”
“You can always change how you run things. It’s in your power.”
A small smile curls from her lips. “Now that you’ve explained it, I see why I set my business up the way I did. I want to be able to work while I travel and not have to worry about everything falling apart if I’m not here.”
I release a gentle laugh. “That’s all it took to get you to understand?”
“Yes.” Her breath bounces as she inhales. “But can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Have I always been this way with you?”
I furrow my brow. “What way would that be?”
She lowers her gaze. “Confusing.”
“How so?”
“I told you last week I wanted space, but I didn’t really want that. I went to apologize, and…” She raises her head. “I’m sorry I treated you like that.”
“It’s not a problem. I’m sure it’s just stress.”
“Yeah, that’s what it is.” She gets to her feet, wiping the wrinkles from her skirt. “So, I never acted like a child one day, and the next day crawled back to you on my hands and knees?”
A memory of her wearing a strappy black lingerie outfit, crawling to me, flashes on the screen of my mind.
I force it down. “Maybe once or twice.”
“I find it hard to believe someone like you would let me behave so childishly.”
“It wasn’t something you did often.” I stand and face her. “In two and a half years, you only did it a couple of times.”
“Great.” She rolls her eyes. “And since my accident, I’ve already doubled the total.”
“Livianna, you’re in a different place.”
“Yeah, I’m an eighteen-year-old living in a twenty-three-year-old’s body.
One day I feel like a teenager. The next, I have this knowing that I’m further along than my brain will let me remember, but I can’t access anything that got me to here.
It’s confusing, and because of that, I’m acting in ways that make me feel… ”
She turns away from me. I give her silence to allow her to connect with her emotions.
She ambles to the window, staring out at the space below. “My pity-party stops now. I have everything I ever dreamed of.”
“Except you don’t?” I join her by her side.
She analyzes me for a moment. “What don’t I have?”
Me. Our child. Our life together.
“Your memory, Livianna.” I inch toward her on pure desire. “You have five years that are missing. Don’t you want to remember those?”
“Of course I do.” She shakes her head. “But I can’t wait for them to return. I need to live my life.”
I nod as my heart bleeds. “You do.”
Her eyes grow wide. “But I smelled cologne on some guy the other night.”
Now my gaze rounds. “I wouldn’t let Cash know that.”
“He was there. We were at a club.” She giggles. “It was only for a second, but I’m going to see an occupational therapist to see if there’s any way I can help the torn fibers heal. After my smell came back for a moment, I feel like there’s a chance.”
“That’s great news. I’m excited for you.” And I am. That’s one more step in her regaining her memory.
“Yeah, me too.” Her eyes light up. “Oh, I’m thinking about going to a hypnotherapist to?—”
“Absolutely not!” Adrenaline zaps me. “You are not to see a hypnotherapist.”
She takes a step back with her palm on her chest. “Whoa, Jaxon. What’s gotten into you?”
Easy, Jaxon.
I’m on the verge of losing control. I take a calming breath and steady myself.
“Livianna, you meditate and read books to get through your trauma. You do Pilates to release your anxiety. You don’t?—”
“What’s wrong with trying a hypnotherapist?” Her relaxed stance tells me she’s not angry. She’s genuinely curious.
Good. Maybe she’ll listen.
I shove my shaking hands into my pockets. “I have research proving mind control techniques can easily be used while under hypnosis. You don’t know who you can trust. You should consider anything but that.”
“What kind of research? And why are you looking into that?”
I give myself a moment to think by motioning to the couch. “Please sit, and I’ll tell you everything.”
“Everything?” Her entire body relaxes with her playful tone. “If I do what you ask and sit, you promise I get to hear everything?”
Knowing I can’t do that, I smile. “I have my limits.”
She blushes and gets comfortable on a cushion. “I’m sure you do.”
I join her on the couch. “The research was done because hypnosis is a concept I’ve studied for years.”
“Why?”
I take a pause, finding the best way to explain my reasons. “It was a personal curiosity.”
“Jaxon Crowne, are you trying to rule the world by controlling all our minds?” Her eyes sparkle mischievously. “Are you secretly controlling me now?”
Fire erupts in me. “I would never use such evil tactics on innocent people. And I’ll never let it touch you.”
She tilts her head as her eyebrows pinch together. “Why do you sound angry? I was just playing.”
“Sorry.” I rein in my wild nerves. “You misunderstood me. I’m not upset with you, but I’m dead serious about what I said.”
“I see that.” Her gaze connects with mine. “Why do I get the feeling there’s a lot more to this than you’re willing to tell me?”
“Because you’re right.”
“Okay. Is there anything you will say?”
All the times she asked me about my past race into my mind. If I would’ve opened up to her, maybe I wouldn’t have lost her. Maybe she would’ve remembered us. Maybe she will now.
My stomach spins. “When I was a young boy, I heard about it. I’ve been fascinated by it ever since.”
“Who told you about it?”
“My parents.”
Livianna pulls her legs up beneath her. “Why would they tell you about that?”
“You’ve always been curious, Livianna.” My heart warms and a smile forms. “They wanted me to be aware of the risks of certain healing modalities.”
“Why?”
I scoot toward her. “I had terrible anxiety as a kid. They let me help choose the way I wanted to cope with it. Hypnotherapy had significant risks, and they knew exactly what those were.”
“You’re lucky you had parents who let you have a say in your treatment.” She lowers her head. “My parents put me in a facility and made me take pills.”
I clench my teeth. “You deserved better.”
She stays silent and in place.
“Livianna, you should always be in control of your body and mind. Period.”
She raises her gaze to me. “Is that something you let me have?”
“Always.” I hold her stare. “You always hold the power.”
“Thank you for that. And thank you for sharing with me. I never knew you had anxiety.” She glances down. “I have panic attacks. They suck.”
“I know. You’ve told me before.” The words land hard.
She grabs her head and squeezes her eyes shut. “Fuck. I hate it when this happens.”
“What do you need from me?” I place my hand on her knee.
“Nothing.” She holds herself for a moment. Then her eyes pop open. “Oh my god. You took me to some chamber when I was having a panic attack.”
“Livianna?”
“In Paris. It’s a real memory, Jaxon.”
My pulse quickens. “What do you remember?”
She stands and paces before me. “It was during my interview. I didn’t want to tell you about Lehlani Rose, so I had a meltdown. You carried me there.”
With my heart pounding out of my chest, I rise to her level and step in front of her. “Tell me everything.”
She stops. “You helped me through it. I poured my soul out to you, and you just listened.”
“What else?”
“Then I fell asleep on…” She stares into my eyes. “Your chest.”
Please let her remember us.
I stop myself from grabbing her and pulling her into my arms. “Yes, you did.”
“And you let me.” Her expression drops, and she pales. “Oh my god. I tried to kiss you, and you rejected me. Again! And then you walked me home in silence.”
“But wait. Don’t stop there. What else can you recall?”
“Nothing.” She considers something for a moment and then shakes her head. “I don’t even know what happened between me finding Callum with Zara and that interview.”
“Are you saying they stand alone? There are no other memories?”
She steps around me. “Not that I can pull up. They sort of float around in my head.”
I turn, following her. “But you can’t give up now. You’re starting to recollect different events in your life. There has to be more that you’ll remember.”
“Maybe.” She wanders to her drawing table and moves a few designs around. “I have to believe that’s true, but I can’t wait for it to happen when there’s a chance it won’t.”
“Remain hopeful, Livianna. Focus on your desired outcome, and watch it appear.”
“There it is again. The edge of something that…” She faces me. “You’ve said that to me before. I don’t know when, but I know I’ve heard you say that to me.”
“I refer to that concept often. In my experience, it holds true.”
“Does that work if I want information from someone?” She keeps a blank expression.
I slip my hands into my pockets. “Probably, but why would you ask me that?”
“Can I trust you?”
“One hundred percent.”
“Will you keep this between us?”
“Of course.”
She dips her chin in acknowledgment. “There was an accident and two people died, but it may have been caused on purpose.”
I still myself, knowing where she’s going. “What about it?”
She studies me for a moment. “I think Callum knows who did it.”
“Why would you believe that?”
“When we heard about it, he made a comment that seemed…off.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Fucking hell. He did it.’ Doesn’t that sound suspicious?”
The blood in my veins races. “Did you ask him about it?”
“Yes.” She lifts her phone from her desk, checking it for a second. “But he said he was talking about the driver.”
“And?”
“That’s my question. Callum was happy about it.”
My breathing speeds up. “Why would he care?”
“Because the woman was Zara Blackthorn.” Livianna crosses her arms. “Did you hear about her accident?”
“Maybe in passing.” I check my watch to stall. “I don’t pay attention to those types of things.”
“What do you think about it?”
“Nothing.” I bring my gaze back to her. “Why would I?”