Chapter 33 #2
What a clever way to say that he didn’t want me to know the real him.
“Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. It isn’t because of you. At least not in the way you think. I don’t want to drag anyone into the mess of my life, especially not you. Not without the possibility of giving you an out.”
“Then trust me with your mess of a life. Show me the real you, Dion. And don’t tell me again you aren’t a good person. I don’t care—do you understand? Like you’ve said, yes, maybe you’re a villain, but I guess I have to accept that I befriended one of those.”
Dion tugged me closer and monitored our surroundings, checking if we were out of earshot of those around us. When he was convinced no one was too close, he peered down at me again. “It isn’t pretty, Naya.”
“I don’t care. What is it you hide so deep inside that makes you loathe everyone, especially yourself?”
For the first time, I had the feeling that I had a chance to pierce through the hard shell Dion had surrounded himself with.
I stayed quiet and watched him fight against himself and with his words.
It took minutes before he closed his eyes, then opened them again with steely determination sparkling in them.
“Nayana, I hope you’re sure.”
He seemed—no, he was so vulnerable, it almost broke my heart. “Yes, of course. Just don’t push me away ever again.”
“All right.” Dion took a deep breath. “It’s a long, complicated story. You must know, I’m—”
“Nayana! Can we talk?”
Both Dion and I flinched, and he released me from the warm embrace of his arms and magic.
I wanted to strangle Bryon, who dared to interrupt us during such an important conversation, and one look at Dion was enough to realize he’d already built up his walls again.
My chance had passed. I had to ask anyway.
“Do you want to go somewhere else to talk about this?”
“No, it’s all right. Go speak to your friend. It would have been a bad idea, anyway.”
I took a page from his book and growled at Dion as menacing as I could, which made him laugh softly.
“Don’t get into trouble, Nayana.”
“You neither. Blessed Samhain, Dion.”
He smiled at me melancholically before he turned around and walked toward Antas and Ireas, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he’d wanted to tell me, what rattled him enough to forget how opposed he was to let me chat with Bryon unsupervised.
I sighed but collected myself before shifting my attention to my old friend.
“Finally, I’ve caught you alone.” Bryon was all smiles as he advanced toward me, limping slightly, courtesy of his injury in the line of duty. “Would you take a walk with me, Nayana?”
I stalked toward Antas, wondering how it had happened that I’d almost spilled everything I’d worked so hard to keep hidden from Nayana. Bryon didn’t know, but for the first time since he’d appeared, I’d been grateful for him interfering.
I turned my head and zeroed in on the two of them, but when they walked away from the fires and the crowd, I became suspicious.
Even in my current state of emotional turmoil, my instincts urged me to follow them.
Nayana would try to castrate me if she found out I was tailing her, so I stepped into the shadows and started my pursuit.
Of course, only to make sure that she was safe, not to eavesdrop.
It was a complete coincidence I could hear every word spoken and could see everything that was happening while I was one with the darkness.
It took me a moment to assess Bryon, and if I’d be honest, by my standards, he’d been found wanting.
And he was walking too close to Nayana for my liking.
Apart from that, he was looking plain, with his boring brown hair, hideous beard, and average height.
Not even a man, more like a young boy, I realized.
I’d never find him again if I lost him in a crowd, so unremarkable was his appearance.
As self-aware as I was, there was no denying that I was spiraling out of control after I’d kept my distance so well in the last few days.
The only one to blame was this old friend of hers.
Not that the boy would be a threat to me, but—I silently sighed, and since I was in the shadows, no sound was audible. Instead, the darkness rippled faintly.
It was a fucked up situation. I couldn’t want Nayana, and I’d never have her, but I was too much myself to allow anyone else to pursue her.
Also, if I couldn’t have her, no one ever would.
Did that make me a bastard? Sure, but I’d never claimed to be anything else.
And in the end, wasn’t she always saying that she wanted to be independent?
I was only making sure her wish would come true by keeping everyone away from her.
The two reached the end of the illuminated area and stopped walking. I moved closer while staying in my hiding place, pretending not to listen.
“Naya, I’m glad I’ve found you again and that you’re safe. You can’t believe how worried I’ve been,” the boy said and instantly continued, “Rewi and I tried to intervene that day in Credenta, but guards seized us before we could.”
Nayana smiled, and I fought the urge to storm over and make her stop acting so friendly. Why was I torturing myself like this?
“I know you would’ve helped if you had been able to. But you’ve been just as powerless as me. And in the end, I’m just glad everyone made it out alive.”
“Also, I want you to know I don’t blame you for what you’ve done. He had it coming, that bastard. I hope you don’t chastise yourself. Please don’t, Naya.”
Finally, something the boy and I could agree on. The younger Feroy had earned his death fair and square, and the same could be said for his father, whose signed death warrant had been lying in my mental drawer for the longest time.
“I’ve just defended myself. But Bryon, can we maybe not talk about that? I’d like to forget the whole thing.”
I wanted to comfort her as she directed her eyes to the ground. For sure, I could provide better comfort than the imbecile who, instead of hugging her—on second thought, maybe he simply knew what was better for his health—gaped at Naya like a fish.
“Have you heard from my parents?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Actually, I do.”
The youngling sighed. “Your mother rarely leaves the house. Your father—he likes to tell everyone that, should you dare to show your face, he’d kill you himself and not in a quick or merciful manner.
He’s blaming you for disgracing the family’s name.
Also, they’re under a lot of pressure from Feroy senior.
He’s fuming and desperately wants to get his hands on you, gossip says. ”
“Yes, I know that bit. We found posters revealing as much, and we were ambushed by some mercenaries the King of Merchants had sent. But my men kept me safe as they always do.” Nayana had barely reacted when the boy mentioned her father, but I could see from her stiff posture that it’d gotten to her, but that she chose to ignore her pain as she’d done so often before.
“I don’t know how I feel about you traveling with five ruffians, Nayana.”
Ruffians? If the boy wasn’t cautious, I’d show him what rough was. Somehow, I was sure he’d hate that.
“Ruffians? Bryon, seriously? Don’t call them that. They’re decent people who saved my life more than once.”
“Some of them seem decent, true. Not all, though.”
Nayana’s eyebrow lifted. I moved to the edge of the shadow of my choice—I had to be as close as possible—and I was pretty convinced he’d talk shit about me soon. I wondered if he was jealous.
“Have any of them given you a hard time? Threatened you?”
“Well, you’ve seen how that black-haired brute readied himself to run me through with his sword.”
Or with magic. I wasn’t sure which method of demise I wished for the youngling. Luckily, I was the proud wielder of a sword made of magic and wouldn’t have to settle for one—I could just use both at the same time.
Nayana sighed. “That’s how Dion is acting all the time. He’s insanely protective. It’s over the top, but I’m sure it doesn’t come from a place of malice.”
“No, more from a place of control.”
“Dion has control issues, that’s true. But I’m sure with some patience, it’ll get better. I know some things that drive him, but they aren’t mine to share.”
I liked how she was defending me, but it made me uneasy to hear her say she’d know things because it made me speculate if she’d found out more than I’d shared with her—if the others had talked about me. I had to find out later.
“That’s unlike you, Naya. You hate it when someone tries to control you. Yet you’re even wearing a wedding choker, and the matching bracelet is on his arm.” The boy narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me it’s real after all.”
“Of course not. I’ve told you earlier. It’s a charade,” Nayana scoffed, suffocating the weird sense of pride that rose in my chest whenever I’d take notice of her wearing my jewelry.
“It’s to blend in and not look like a lawbreaker at first glance.
And you can believe me, I’ve resisted—fiercely.
But it was the wisest choice, even though I hate it. ”
“Have you slept with him?”
If I’d been corporal right now, I’d have coughed in surprise—not only at this question, but at how hard the youngling sounded all of a sudden.
My earlier suspicion about him being jealous was correct, so much was certain.
Not that he had any right to be. Nayana must have thought the same and looked livid, while I was simply smug.
“Bryon, gods, no. Dion—or the others, before you repeat your stupid question—would never even try something like that. They’re good people, as I’ve mentioned more than enough times. And—watch how you’re talking to me.”
If Nayana had only an inkling of how consumed I was with fantasizing about the time right after our fight with the Arracht—when I’d nearly kissed her—and how my imagination had turned it into something more than just a simple kiss, her reaction might have been different.