Chapter 21 Riven
Riven
I woke this morning in bed with my arm around Sloane.
It would have been easy, effortless even, to remain there until she woke.
But something inside of me pushed and clawed until I peeled myself away from her and left.
I left without a single word, text, or call.
A part of me feels bad about that. The part that longs for someone to tame the darkness inside of me, to carve it away until it no longer exists.
I’ve never felt closer to the light than when Sloane is by my side.
The thing about the light, though, is that sometimes it’s fucking blinding.
The other part of me would prefer to release her from my enrapture.
After all, the darkness is no place for a person like Sloane.
I saw the way her impulses were so easily blending with mine.
I saw the way she gave in to it for me. That’s exactly why I can’t pull her in any further.
This thing inside of me would consume her light entirely.
I am the shadow in the darkness that is void of any real light.
My instincts and impulses threaten to pull me down and entangle me.
The two, like head and heart, stand at the ready for battle.
Sloane will be the death of me, and I her.
I cannot allow it. I will not allow it. So, that’s the real reason why I left this morning. I have to put an end to this.
? ? ?
After leaving Sloane’s apartment, I called up my “security guy” to schedule an installation for her. No one’s getting in again. I also sent a text to my private investigator to figure out who the fuck broke in, even though I have a hunch that I know exactly who it was.
I drove to meet the guys for lunch. Callum informed me that the VIP show is still on for tonight.
Sabel and Sonus were considering canceling it, depending on the last frequency results.
Since the results were good, though, the show is a go.
I’m guessing phase two will commence tonight, and I’m entirely unprepared.
I nearly forgot about it. I was too busy being distracted by Sloane’s perfect pussy in my mouth.
Fuck.
Every drop of blood in my body rushes straight to my cock, and I shove that thought into the deepest depths of my mind.
Apparently, we are doing an exclusive show tonight for our top fan base.
They’ve determined the top fans through the vital trackers and the emotional responses of each attendee.
Sabel said that Sonus will be using a “special” frequency tonight to test the next theory they are working on.
Since the guys and I are kept in the dark about the specifics of most of their theories, the only thing we were told is that the crowd’s behavior may change at some point.
And if it does, we are to keep doing what we’re paid to do …
perform. It’s all such bullshit, and I know all the guys are getting sick of it.
We need to come up with a plan to dismantle this before it goes too far.
Kai filled us all in on his therapy sessions.
He said everything is going well. He still gets the urge to use every once in a while, but told us that his therapist gave him her number to call anytime he feels out of control.
I didn’t miss the way he smiled and laughed when he spoke about his therapist. I hope that poor girl knows what she’s in for.
Kai can be quite persuasive, manipulative even, when he wants to be.
I hope he’s respecting her professional boundaries. Then again, who the fuck am I to talk?
Raithe went on and on about this girl he’s “banging,” and we all begged him to shut the fuck up.
That dude has got a serious sex addiction.
He’s probably certifiable. What’s the cure for a sex addict, anyway?
Don’t get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next guy, but Raithe has his cock inside a new chick every week.
And I’d prefer to have just one. One with pale freckled skin, red hair, and green eyes that can see through souls.
Nope. No, no, no.
Why does Sloane not stay where I put her?
I think to the me inside of my head that’s supposed to be standing guard at the locked door that I shoved her into in my mind.
Whatever hold she has on me, I have to sever it.
I pull out my cell and shoot her a text from Professor Riven before I lose the nerve.
Not a phone call, because I need her to hate him. I need her to hate me.
Riven: Hey, look. I hate to do this like this, but I think we should maintain professional boundaries from now on. I’m sorry. I scheduled a security company to come install a system at your apartment so that you don’t have to worry about any future break-ins.
Sloane: ……
The dots appear and then disappear a few times. An hour goes by with no response from her. Objective achieved. I don’t allow the thought another second to plant doubt in my mind. I lock it up in that closed door in my mind.
? ? ?
After lunch with the guys, we all went our separate ways until it was time to meet back up for the VIP event. Now we’re all here, waiting to hit the stage. This venue is different, smaller. I’m unable to get a read on the crowd like I usually do. It makes my skin crawl with unease.
“Hey, man, you good?” Raithe asks.
“Yeah, just never know what Sabel has up her sleeve, ya know?” I lie. I could give a fuck less about what Sabel has up her sleeve, or anywhere else, for that matter. I shiver at the disgusting thought. What I care about is being in control of my surroundings. And right now, I feel out of control.
“I know. But hey, we got each other. We’ll handle anything she throws at us.” He slaps me on the shoulder. Ever the optimist. My polar opposite in every way.
Cal and Kai are arguing about maintaining professional boundaries, and I can’t say I didn’t see that one coming.
“Dude, she’s into me, okay? I can tell,” Kai says, clearly referring to his therapist.
“You cannot go there, Kai,” Cal says. “She’s your therapist, for fuck’s sake.”
Cal palms his face and lets out a heavy sigh, continuing, “She’s probably just a nice person.
Don’t mistake her kindness for something it isn’t, and ruin what you have.
You’re in a good place, man. I’ve never seen you better.
Don’t fuck this up because you wanna get your dick wet.
” Cal always takes the role of a leader, and he does it well. I admire him, always.
“Curtains in five,” Erick says, peeking his head into the room. He scans us, making sure we’re all dressed and ready before making his way to the side stage. Ashley comes in next to snap various pictures and videos before following after Erick.
“Alright, hands in and everyone say ‘Reverb’ on three,” Raithe says, grinning like an idiot, nodding for all of us to join him.
“We never do that. What are you doing?” Cal grunts, never leaving his position on the sofa.
“I don’t know, man, thought it’d be fun to change it up a little.” Raithe looks around, noting that none of us move to join him.
“No? You guys are no fun,” Raithe whines, frowning with his arms folded across his chest like the child that he is.
I laugh. “Come on, guys, time’s up. Let’s go.
” We make our way to the side stage as music starts playing.
It’s a frequency that I’ve never heard them start a show with.
From this vantage point, I can see some of the crowd.
I scan the many faces. No one looks dazed or high, yet.
The lights shut off, and we walk out and take our places on stage.
The music for the first song starts to play, and as I wrap my hands around the microphone stand, I can’t help but picture myself wrapping them around something else.
The music continues, and I’m about to sing the first words.
When I look up, I’m staring right into the haunting eyes that I’ve come to know so well.
Sloane is sitting in a private booth with Lydia.
I’m suddenly panicking about the new frequency and my false data, before it dawns on me that today, the guests weren’t given vital trackers.
It eases some of the tension that I’m feeling, but not completely.
The way that Sloane is looking at me, at Van, is absolutely vexing.
Maybe tonight is about revenge, then? Revenge for the wrongdoings of a certain professor.
I start to sing the opening verse. We kick off the set with the same song that we did for the meet and greet.
It’s quite the enigma. The music makes you want to dance to the rhythm, while the lyrics are meant to speak to the heart.
This one was written for a particular subset of the fan base.
I don’t need to name them, as they did me.
The music will speak for itself, and their guilt will act as judge, jury, and executioner.
As I sing the words, I reflect on the way that I found a home behind this mask.
I found a place where I can hide from my demons, a place where I’m uncompromised, and all that matters is the music.
But fame has a price, and hiding in the public eye is nearly impossible.
The guys and I started this band as an escape, and for a while, it worked.
It was everything to all of us. But after signing that contract with Sonus, every time I step on this stage, it feels more like a cage.
It might be beautiful, but it’s barbed wire dressed in pretty stage lights.
My line of sight never leaves Sloane’s face as I sing the chorus.
And much like the progression of the music, the crowd is shifting.
They go from sitting around, casually sipping champagne and swaying to the beat, to standing and moving toward the center of the room.
I recognize the look on several of their faces, and I know that something is up with the frequency. Whatever it is, it’s working.